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Hanging v. not hanging diplomas in office?
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I find it exhausting (mom) and my husband is never around at those times to make it (tbh he’s secretly quite okay with not going) - December-May makes me cry - my kids play instruments, are in prestigious orchestras + school concerts .. With my schedule I still forget who needs to be where when and used to find myself over scheduled (had my daughter do a violin competition1.5 hours from home at 8am then had to drive her 2 hours to her orchestra performance and then back home at 7pm) - I was a mess! So now we only schedule one thing and say no to music teachers even if they give us the passive aggressive “dedicated parents and students will try to make it” - we’re dedicated to our mental health. Sorry TLDR; I enjoy it only if I’m not running around like an over scheduled unhappy momzilla. Otherwise I’m with your husband- they feel like chores.
I don’t enjoy it (mom here) and husband does. Our older kids are in activities but I’ve decided to limit what the younger ones are involved in because it is so taxing and I don’t like it. 😳 Maybe once they find a niche that they are passionate about, I’ll be more interested but for now, all these parent conferences, games, concerts etc do feel like a chore. I still go.
I've happily shared this responsibility with my ex husband. I make most games but also have trained my son to not expect me at every one. A different dynamic with being divorced perhaps. After a time my ex bowed out of most weekends so it was just me, including juggling two kids and inevitable conflicts. That is an effort and not fun! It gets better when the games become more interesting and competitive. often there are other parents I enjoy so it became a social outlet for me. I'd encourage building some bonds with other parents to pass the time at events, and potentially car pool. Remind your husband his attendance and lack thereof will leave an impression on the kids.
Over scheduled… I get it, that sucks. But when there’s 1 event per weekend day, I don’t mind/ enjoy it. I like watching them do things they enjoy, and growing in their skill sets.
What else would we be doing? Another yard/ home project/ cleaning… I’ll go to the event!! Maybe that’s the real issue… we don’t have anything else (more) meaningful to do, in my eyes at least.
Pro
They are chores.
I take DD to her weekend activities and hubby does laundry and cleans up while we are out. It works for both of us.
Pro
No offence or judgement taken!
I’m indifferent between being the chauffeur/cheerleader or laundress/maid. Sometimes he takes DD to weekend activities but mainly I do because I wake up earlier and her classes tend to be early morning ones. My mindset is that we have a pool of tasks to be done, we all pitch in and do them. There are definitely some activities I prefer to others (ie I don’t like vacuuming and I don’t like taking her to swim classes, but I like taking out the garbage and I like taking her to skating classes) but it feels pretty even to me. We aren’t fighting over the car keys in the morning to try to avoid laundry duty :)
If I didn’t have a child, I would probably spend weekends socializing with my friends or doing short trips. I miss board game nights. Maybe learn another language. Or cook elaborate, gourmet meals. I would not be screaming encouragement in a freezing cold arena at children that can’t hear me through all the headgear, masks, and plexiglass. (But I know she can see me cheering so I do it anyways!)
Lots of other meaningful things we could be doing that has nothing to do with the cycle of work, kids, house chores. I personally long to get back to doing things just for me, my own hobbies, relationships, self care or just being still with nothing to do! Everyone is unique, your preferences aren’t universal, just like mine aren’t. In the words of a wise prophet, “do you”!
Yup, I understand “me,” I’m trying to understand my husband and thought some perspectives from others would help. Sounds like others agree with him and we just like to do other things. I still don’t understand but at least now I don’t think he’s crazy (maybe)…
Conversation Starter
Interesting your husband sees them as chores. Is it just the activities or other childcare related things? I personally love my kid’s activities and think it’s adorable (but he’s only 4). And I think my husband does too. We usually both go. But it’s only a couple per weekend. Both of us see work as a giant chore though and sort of hate it 🤔 lol
I get seeing it as a chore but I don’t get complaining about it ruining his day! I think the level that it bothers him is unusual. I mean he’s a parent, this kind of comes with the territory. I don’t really understand people who complain about things that they should expect (like commuter traffic, or taxes).
Chief
My kids are too young yet, but I don’t plan to attend every single event for my kids. My parents didn’t, and it didn’t bother me. My mom worked, and most of my stuff was before 5:00, so she couldn’t come. My dad traveled a lot, but even when he was in town he didn’t come to every game. Truthfully, I wasn’t very good, and I didn’t get a lot of play time. They would spend maybe an hour in a gym to watch me play maybe ten minutes at best.
Maybe it was different for me because those activities weren’t really a passion? Honestly my parents made me do it so I was a “well-rounded student.” I didn’t care in the slightest when I played in a weekend tournament but Mom and Dad stayed home. I guess I accepted they weren’t going to give up a whole weekend to watch me because they preferred to stay home - I would have too if they had given me the option!
Pro
My parents were the same way and they way they put it, I was doing those activities because I wanted to not because they wanted me to. They made it about my satisfaction not about pleasing them. Most of the time they just dropped me off. I didn’t really mind as long as they came to the events that really mattered to me.