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Asians in Consulting

Are Catholics the most bossy and selfish in terms of religion or what? I’m from an immigrant family (Chinese) that is predominantly Buddhist. The girl I’m engaged to is also from a Chinese immigrant family but interestingly they are all Catholic. There’s no religious customs from a Buddhist perspective for marriage but the girl’s family is asking me to take pre-marriage counseling classes with their Catholic priest. Had one session and the priest is trying to make me sign that I would (cont.)

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Ooof that doesn’t sound great. I don’t think it has to do with religion but more how fervent they are about it. No fcking way I’m signing a contract stating my children will be baptized after they are born. That’s brainwashing. They choose for themselves which religion if any they wanna follow

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That’s what I told my fiancé too. I don’t agree with baptism when the kids are too young and don’t have free will. I want my kids to choose when they get older. Although my side of the family are Buddhist I’m more of an atheist. I would urge my kids to lean towards science instead of any religion anyway.

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Yikes I don’t believe religion should be forced on anyone, regardless of gender. Catholicism is one of the more ~intense~ sects of christianity, but it also varies a lot based on each person’s beliefs. Have you given any thought to the belief system you want to raise your kids with? This is very anecdotal but i’ll add that i was baptized as a baby bc of my very Catholic grandma, but never went to church because neither parent wanted to & grandparents couldn’t force us

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I think this is a conversation you need to have with your soon to be wife about how faith is going to be part of your lives in the future, including raising your children. Regardless of what the premarriage counseling says, these are the important conversations you need to be having. It is in the best interest of the church to continue having your wife and her future offspring as potential members of the church which is why they ask you to do this premarriage counseling. I would take a step back, really ask yourself how religion will come into play at all and be on the same page with your wife. It's better to have these conversations now vs in the future when your kid is born and you need to decide whether or baptize or not.

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Yea well if it helps my fiancé is fortunately not that observant of a Catholic either. But her parents are very devout and regularly attend church. If anything I may be able to discuss and agree with her to let the kids really choose which religion they want when they get older. But day to day and from all this time I’ve been with her, not much of religious contexts has entered our relationship. I mean we already slept together already and broke some of the stricter rules of “not sinning” but I didn’t expect this pre-marital counseling to have such deep expectations of being accommodating to the Catholic Church.

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Ha - wait until you hear about Judaism

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Heard some fun facts but I’ll let you share how the husbands need to bend to the will of the Jewish wives lol

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You should be having this conversation with your SO. Let’s say you end up converting and getting your kids baptized, you’re not going to get “brainwashed”. I got baptized, received my communion, and confirmed...pretty sure I didn’t turn my back on science.

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Your in laws have no right to force religion on your children. It would be different if your wife had a strong preference (a conversation you would have with her) but it sounds like she’s only doing it for them.

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Unless you have your own religious beliefs that go against baptism, you should agree to that much. Baptism is incredibly important to Catholics. If you’re not that religious anyways, it’s just water. Kids will grow up and decide whether they want to go to church or not pretty quick anyways. To me, it sounds like this is an issue of communication/pride more than religious differences. That’s something you and your wife need to figure out and get the in laws to back off.

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Allow my future kids to be baptized and that I should support my wife going and also taking the kids regularly to church. Like wtf? Do you have considerations for my religious customs? Is this overencroachment? It’s like they are trying to make me accommodate to the Catholic traditions, should I step my foot down as the man in the relationship and say no? It’s like they are trying to steal my kids and brand them like horses. I’m quite disgusted the more I think about this Catholic pre-marriage counseling stuff. Sounds more like a rude way to ask non-Catholics to surrender to the Catholic way of doing things.

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They are saying she is the leader, you are the follower. You marry into our western customs, not the other way around. She is trying to dominate you and make you the feminine energy of that relationship. Spiritually is a BIG DEAL. Not just some thing. It’s thee motivation for everything. If you let them cross this boundary, this could kill your spirit and make you very bitter in the future. Don’t do it. Protect your spirit at all cost. That’s what the ancestors would say.

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Your point could have been made without the misogyny yeesh

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Maybe that’s a thing for Asian Catholics? South American Catholics are significantly more chill (BR/JP here). There are no contracts with us bc we don’t honor contracts anyway 😂

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It might be? I thought the western Catholics are more chill as well. Could be something to do with history of oppression of western religions in China that made the underground Catholics more fanatic too.

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Just have her talk to her parents. She should be the one to handle this after you two hash it out. My parents are fanatical, but my fiancée’s fam isn’t religious at all. I told my parents it wasn’t going to happen. They weren’t happy but they got over it.

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