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If that’s the way you see it, I don’t think you should get married.
Ah OP…sounds like a hard no for you.
Chief
The reason to get married is because you and your partner can’t see ever wanting to be without each other for another day. You’re formally presenting yourselves as a team from that point onward.
If you’re thinking about it purely in economic terms, it seems likely you’ve not found the right teammate.
Chief
OP, others have made great points about medical/next of kin care and tax-free transfer of assets on death, if you’re looking for purely practical reasons. The medical side is not to be understated - SO is not a category that carries any legal weight in access to health information or medical decisions on another’s behalf. You will not be your partner’s next of kin.
You seem anxious about losing your identity or the risks of a marriage not working out as though that’s a foregone conclusion. Even in a long marriage, you and your partner have distinct identities as individuals apart from your identity as a couple.
There’s an emotional/psychological element to the decision that can’t really be wished away, especially if your partner feels that way. I wouldn’t suggest Leeroy Jenkins-ing it, but on some level it’s letting your heart tell your brain that you’re all in on the relationship.
If you perceive marriage as “signing a paper” then yes it seems silly to do that. If your partner sees marriage than more than a signature on a paper, then it might be worth trying to understand that POV and determining if you are willing to get married based on what it means to them. If you both view marriage as a signature on a paper, sounds like an easy decision not to do it.
You’re right, it is. Hence trying to look at it from a more balanced perspective. Some good points on this thread
From your question it seems like you are not in love. If so, why even think about marriage? If you think it is a social obligation that you have to fulfill I am going to suggest - please don’t ruin your and someone’s else life.
No there are no benefits. Marriage is an archaic institution that fetters you down to a socially prescribed set of expectations and a calendar of events . If you have 2-3 people who love you like a friend or family , you’ll be fine through life.
As long as you’re not in a common law state you can have a wedding ceremony and get married without signing legal marriage contract and involving the government. You can still do some of the legal stuff and get most of the benefits.
People are getting so defensive about this. Personally, I think it’s smart to understand the pros and cons before making an decision. Signing up for a life long commitment is a very big thing. You also, despite a prenuptial agreement which can be thrown out at the discretion of a judge, must be comfortable with the idea that half of your assets will likely go to that person in the event of a divorce.
OP already has an answer. She/He is not seeking advice here. She/He is seeking reaffirmation of the answer
The fact that 99.% of all relationships end (think of all the ones you had before even getting married), and now more than 50% of marriages end in divorce is simple enough math that anyone getting married has to consider the possibility that theirs may not be one of the successful ones. To ignore this under the romance of “love” is childishly naive at best and consciously ignorant at worst.
I don’t think anyone is saying they should absolutely get married, it’s just that if OP is going to view marriage through financial benefits, then they probably shouldn’t get married.
Also, if a couple gets divorced, they each get half of what they built together, not what was built previously. One person losing half means that the other person isn’t working or providing any value.
CM1 …because when you are thinking of romance and love there’s a 50% chance it will survive compared to OP’s method which will lead to 100% failure.
The most consulting question of all time? Help me evaluate objectively a social construct before I commit to it.
Yes. True monogamy does preserve sexual health. Having a spouse legitimizes you in the eyes of your peers. Children develop better in nuclear households. Joint income and tax advantaged status give financial advantages. You can always get a prenup so there’s little worry of them taking half and in a perfect world it wouldn’t matter anyway (assuming you stay together). Later in life without a spouse to protect your legacy, the government or a government envoy can and will strip you of your wealth. It’s a must-have protective measure for the ultra rich committed to passing their wealth on. Tbh I have high capacity, but I can’t be great at everything all the time- there’s only 24hrs in a day. Not married, but having my gf cook and clean while I talk stocks and contracts is keeping us both fed and financially stable and our minds individually focused on areas the other can’t master and perform at every day at that level. As a result we both don’t work as hard and have tons of free time for one another. A healthy relationship is extremely hard to find and rare in the west, I get that. If you DO land one, though? Keep it.
EY5 you’re probably in your NY or similar bubble where everyone there is trying to get the highest of careers (and there are also many feminists). Even then, after a certain amount of years and seeing how empty and meaningless it is, both men and women drop off the rat race, women more often than men since many men still keep going because they feel they need it to attract a good woman.
Here’s an analogy that might resonate: marriage is bringing on a cofounder (or perhaps merging with another startup and keeping both CEOs). There are many reasons why that would be accretive, and a lot of those benefits can also be risks (e.g., shared decision-making).
Interesting way to look at it. Based on this analogy one of my concern is also the market environment rather than the merger itself. I’m confident me and my partner can run a good ship but based on rules, regulations and laws in this evolving society does a merger even make sense or we should keep doing business individually while maintaining an alliance
Pro
For you... no
Ok, you have a good morning as well
Are you going to break down having kids in the same way? 😂 “How does this benefit me?” Is the wrong question to ask.
Nowhere did I ask ‘how does this benefit me’. I asked what are the benefits of getting married vs not. Like tax benefits that impact both you and your spouse. But you’re right I will ask the same question about having kids because that’s one of the benefits of having free choice and free information at your fingertips.
Chief
Based on all your replies Im curious what does your partner want or what theyre saying on the subject. Your mind sounds made up already. Even if you convince them to not get married and just be whatever youre calling it, theyll probably resent this.
Dude, you took the wrong Econ classes in college.
Wow. You’re fired up this morning
God I feel sorry for partner.
In addition to social norm and tax benefits (depending on you and your spouse's income levels), the other major reason would be for medical emergencies. God forbid, if one of you is unconscious in a hospital, the doctors can only talk to and get approval from next of kin. If you are not legally married, they may not discuss your significant other's situation with you, allow you in the hospital room, etc.
As someone who has been legally married for almost five years and enjoying the time with my partner, I would say that it comes down to finding the right life partner to spend the rest of your life with, but there are certain legal benefits to being married.
And now I remember why I rarely log onto this app
You forgot religion. And no. There aren’t.
Wow! You need to come with a warning sign.