Are there any parents of young kids (toddler age or a little older) that actually feel somewhat well-rested? What’s your secret? What do you outsource? My partner and I both work in boutique/bordering-on-big-law-firms and our billing requirements are somewhat reasonable, not astronomical. We have a 15 month old (who usually sleeps through the night now), and we outsource a lot: full time nanny (45 hrs a week), housekeeper 1x/wk, and often instacart groceries. Still perpetually exhausted
Mentor
I don’t have kids and I struggle. I have such profound respect that you’re able to balance so much. It’s not easy.
Coach
Exhausted all the time here too. I think your kids’ temperament can contribute. Our kid is sensitive and high strung, and has never slept well. It feels like I never have time to recharge.
Coach
I’m not having any more kids because the first one has been more than I can handle. There’s a voice in my head that tells me I’m to blame because of the effect of my own stress/anxiety during pregnancy on my unborn kid.
Enthusiast
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……(inhales)…HAHAHAHAHA
But serious answer, 4 kids under 6 and no, I’ve been tired since 2016.
3.5 year old and another on the way. I think exhaustion is just the name of the game.
Mentor
No, do not feel well-rested.
Dad of 3 year old and 18 month old. Wife stays at home. Wife is less well-rested than I am. It’s definitely not easy, but it seems to get a little bit easier every month.
Being a stay at home parent is definitely more exhausting than my job. Kudos to your wife
Two kids under 5 and definitely frequently exhausted. However, I’ve gotten slightly less exhausted in the last 18ish months with some changes
- outsource as much as possible. Nanny, housekeeper, meal service, house/yard stuff
- let go of social expectations and “obligations” you don’t care about. Small but timely example is we don’t do holiday cards. I’m sure there are a handful of people who may care but it’s not important to us so we don’t do them and it saves lots of time.
- We turn down social invitations for anything that we aren’t really excited about.
- take an inventory of your tv and social media consumption. This eats up a lot more time than I cared to admit.
- prioritize sleep for kids (schedules, routines, etc). We are maybe overly ridged on this and maybe miss out on some stuff but honestly I’ve yet to find a party/event that messed with my kids sleep schedule that I thought was worth the week ish it takes to get everyone back on track
- prioritize your own sleep. I moved my bedtime way up and the bar is really high for me staying up past it.
- better sleep hygiene (no phone/screens in bed, get out of bed if I can’t fall asleep within 20ish minutes, noise machine, sleep mask, consistent bed/wake time)
- I do some sort of physical activity every day. This really helps me sleep better. Making it an every day thing means it’s now an ingrained habit. Half the time physical activity is like a 20 minute walk or a 15 min easy:light yoga but doing SOMETHING every day has been life changing.
Finally I’ve just accepted this is a tough/busy season of life. I really prioritize sleep over a lot so I’m less exhausted but I miss out on some stuff as a result. I am ok with that. I’ll hopefully be more fun again when my kids are older and I have more time and energy. The pre school years are so hands on.
P2, this is super helpful. Thank you. We could be so much pickier about social events we go to/ weddings we traveled for. Weddings really killed me this fall. We also spend precious time “relaxing” with a show at the end of the day, which will prob still do sometimes but there’s totally room for improvement. Appreciate you taking the time!!
We have 3 (5, 3, and 1). Haven’t felt well rested in years lol the thing we outsource that isn’t on your current list is that we have a “household assistant” who comes four days a week for 3-4 hours/day and does dishes, tidying, main area floors, and laundry (and random projects like holiday decor, running errands, groceries or putting away delivered groceries, organizing closets, rotating seasonal clothes, etc.) as time permits. We pay her the same hourly rate as our nanny. It’s been a godsend and truly helps our house run better - we first hired someone in this role a few months after I went back to work after #3.
C2 - absolutely hear you there. If we didn’t have a HA, I feel like every moment of my downtime would be doing those tasks or stressing about them - instead of being present with the kids and husband. We don’t get a lot of downtime!! I want to enjoy it.
5 kids, 4 of whom are teenagers and one in college. Been tired for the last 22 years. It’s like grief, it never fully goes away but you just get used to it.
Subject Expert
Also the parent of a 15 month old. My wife is also an attorney. We are also perpetually exhausted. There are studies showing that parents (of all professions) feel exhaustion for the first 6 years of a child’s life so there is that to look forward to. I feel that unless I’m able to outsource my sleep or half of my day job, I will never feel well rested.
https://www.fatherly.com/health/parents-lose-sleep-for-six-years/amp
6 years is longer than I was hoping for but I guess I’m not surprised! Thank you for sharing
A6, the household assistant sounds really wonderful. Also curious how you found them. I think hiring someone like this is definitely in our future
But always sick at this time of year :(
Any family in town? Both of our families live nearby and they love popping in, or when we stop by, and they take over kid duty (2 y/o and 8 months). We shamelessly nap or run errands in that time.
We love Bluey! Our 15 month year old knows and loves the theme song, but doesn’t have the attention span to watch yet (but we try… almost every weekend, when we want a short break) lol and we thought our kid wouldn’t watch any tv before 2. Thanks so much A4!
That sounds amazing. How did you find them?
Advertised the position on both care.com and a local childcare Facebook group!
Thank you!!
Any chance you still have the language from your posting? Corporate attorney here, you know how we love precedent ;)
Just shared a screenshot of it in a reply upthread
Always tired. Honestly, it may be compounded in big law but I think constant tiredness is a universal condition of parenting young kids. Oh well at least they’re cute!
No. Same boat as you. Always exhausted. I would say take a vacation but it won't really solve anything outside of that time you are gone. It's a very tough phase of life, fleeting as it may be.