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Ugh, yes. I’ve definitely felt excluded. I’ve definitely BEEN excluded. It hurts and I don’t have any advice on how to handle it except to try to save the emotional breakdown for your hotel room.
As for micro aggressions and shitty stylists, YOU are the boss of them. You have to stand firm when you see shenanigans and stereotyping and the like. That’s part of your role, but as a POC, you will also often be the ONLY person on the team who picks up on these things. Don’t be intimidated by that. It sucks to not have back up but when this happens I usually say to myself “well thank goodness I was here.” You MUST speak up. And when it comes to dismissive crew members and difficult stylists, I recommend practicing an icy stare while explaining (without uptalking or hesitation) exactly what you expect of them. Without question.
If there is blatant disrespect, speak to the prodcos EP. Be specific. Not “I didn’t like how I was treated on set today” but “Crew member X did Y today and I won’t have that. If it isn’t fixed, I don’t want him on set tomorrow.” Trust me, it will get handled immediately.
Personal feelings aside, you can’t afford to lose control of a shoot for any reason. Especially not over some race shit. It’s your shoot. A half dozen people, including creatives and account people, don’t want to believe it, but they’re wrong. You’re responsible so the very least you should expect (and demand) is respect from the crew. Make sure you’re deserving by being well prepared and respectful yourself (of course).
But you can’t force the other kids to play with you. Just be as kind and buttoned up as you can.
I’ve been at this a while. Feel free to DM me if you need help. Anytime .