{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Are you concerned that when we only push “have it all” messaging to women we’re just adding to women’s career stress while reinforcing existing gender norms around home and childcare responsibilities?", "post_id": "5de8571add2f96002df95332", "reply_count": 13, "vote_count": 42, "bowl_id": "5de5672600b4e600219879ce", "bowl_name": "How to Balance It All - At Work, In Life, & At Home - Dec. 5", "feed_type": "qa_bowl" }

Are you concerned that when we only push “have it all” messaging to women we’re just adding to women’s career stress while reinforcing existing gender norms around home and childcare responsibilities?

likesmart
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It can't just be on women. That's been the entire problem.

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Absolutely. I’ve had friends completely re-route their career paths for families that they haven’t even created yet 10 years before it happens. My girlfriends and I are talk about it all the time, and the stress it adds as we navigate our careers

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Ladies you own your life so design it. Including childcare responsibilities and career. Childcare has many options and the key is to have flexibility and if you are carrying to much of the load at home then hire help or change husbands if he is not stepping up.

likefunny

OP, I am all for all of those things but as another poster said, that is a major oversimplification of what is possible. Not everyone can afford hired help and leaving the father of your children is not like changing socks. Nor will being a single parent lighten anyone’s load when it comes to balancing a career and motherhood.

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Honestly, I agree but I have a hypothesis. Most men have no trouble recognizing they can’t have it all at the same time. They don’t try. They either golf or work. They are either at home or at work. They don’t try to justify getting a coach to improve their game or skill. Many women do. That’s why many of us seek help with balance. Seek help and tools to appease the guilt many of us feel in not being 100% in any one thing we want or once were able to do, especially after motherhood. And for that, I’m trying therapy as that’s not everyone’s issues but they are quite common which is why I bought into the idea of I can work hard enough to have it all. Logically I know I cannot. Realistically, my actions haven’t caught up to my brain. Just my 2 cents.

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Some of us are married to men that do not notice a sock on the floor for 3 months. Read the New York Times piece. For those of us with husbands like that, we do need to manage childcare and work simultaneously unless we want to live in a piggy barn. For the rest of you, does every message every given to anyone need to apply directly to you to be relevant/helpful to some? If you don’t need the advice, leave the group for the rest of us?

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The hard thing is distinguishing between “having it all” and “doing it all”. This is why I’ve never much liked this phrase.

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I’m so glad you asked this because it gets at the root of the misconception about having it all, and it’s precisely why I knew I had to write my book. People are constantly confusing having it all with doing it all. I used to, your question does it. I want to ignite a conversation among all of us women that proclaims we of course can’t do it all, but we can Have It All. Not a proscribed version of what your life should be filled with to be deemed successful or fulfilling, but what you REALLY want. I know from personal experience and from working with tens of thousands of women for over a decade that a lot of the stress and exhaustion and feelings of in adequacy are coming from our not having the tools in the mindset to know how to build a life filled with what we want and let go of everything else, without excuses or apologies. 

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Where is a new build???

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Ahh it is posting but into middle of feed as opposed to top.

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Post new user

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Posting from the top side.

But once again not posting

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Post for comments

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Like this post if you think Ivanka is gross

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