As a parent, do you prioritize making career choices that are “safe” but not inspiring, or do you prioritize making the choices that are less safe but help you realize your full potential? I’m faced with such a choice, and while I’m fine with my safe job, I get stuck on how to explain myself to my daughters someday because I feel I’d want more for them. I feel a lot of pressure to model the right thing for them, especially as a same sex parent - anyone else?

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I had a baby at 21 and was determined not to become “a statistic” so I busted my butt and finished college on time (while taking care of baby and working). I worked a lot of hours in public accounting because I was good at it and kept getting promoted and pay raises. I had another baby at age 31 and kept doing the same and then had another baby at 34. By that time my career in PA had plateaued and I was sick of chasing the dangled carrot so I left for industry. I’m still good at my job but the growth prospects are low; however, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m in the best shape of my life because I have time for exercise and self care. I WFH 100% and am able to get small chores done during the day and take my kids to their after school activities. I make over $200k as a VP of Accounting and work 30-45hrs per week. I’m happy now because of what it means for ME, not necessarily for my kids. I’ve made it to an income level that I’m happy with while enjoying WLB and taking care of myself (along with my kiddos). I think if I would have taken my foot off the gas earlier in my career I would have regretted it because I wouldn’t be where I’m at today career/salary wise, which is part of my overall happiness not just WLB. A lot of people will say “kids are only young once” but they also don’t remember anything from the first 5 years of their life. Making sacrifices is all about how it makes you feel at that age. My kids are all school age now and I’m glad I have the time with now that they’ll remember it. I wanted to share my point of view since it’s probably different from others.

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To be honest, with a 3 year old and 1 year old… I’m an SC and I just make choices that let me be home by 4 to spend time with the kids. That don’t stress me too much but interest me enough.
Eventually I will jump to something that I love that challenges me more but right now I just want to enjoy the kids while they’re so cute.

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Yep. Currently pregnant with my first and I’m contemplating going further and pursue my dreams or go with something easy so I have more time to spend with my daughter. But I do wonder how I’ll empower her to shoot for the stars when/if I didn’t do the same.

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do either the safe job or the other one bring you joy and fulfillment? For me, that’s where I’d start. I’d rather model spending my time doing things I’m passionate about and that make me happy.

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Do you think by time your daughters are older they will be met with the same decision? I want more for my daughter and for them to chase their dreams but am conflicted bc my job takes a backseat to me running a household — won’t they have the same struggles? How do I on one end push them to be their best knowing I am constantly trying to stay in safe roles because society isn’t set up for me to chase my dreams and be a present mom? That’s only for men.

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I partially agree with your sentiment. Women think they need to do it all and have the best of both worlds in order to be successful. Men are good at accepting less. When it comes to parenting they understand that missing one bedtime or one school performance isn’t a big deal where as women think anything less than 100% for their kids isn’t good enough. Kinda similar for work priorities. Women have set themselves up for failure based on the standards we set for ourselves.
I had a very demanding job and made it to 70% of my kids activities DURING the school day and I saw it as a failure. My husband made it to maybe 30% and thought he was a rockstar.

I strive for a mix of both. Safe and inspiring.

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