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"post_content": "As someone with ADHD, the impulsive side of me speaks up in meetings without fully processing the information. Then when corrected, I beat myself up for the rest of the day.\n\nWhat has ended up happening over time is that I have started to come off as an introvert (because of the fear of being wrong) and also with low confidence. This is not a good trait in client facing roles where we are constantly making recommendations and clients look up to us. \n\nAnyone else deal with this?\n",
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I feel ya. I have done well in client facing roles and the impulsive stuff is always a challenge. One thing; MEDICATE. Second thing; I have kind of developed this unusual speech pattern where I use terminology which both gives people the feeling I am empathetic while it buys my brain time to catch up. For instance; "It looks like there are major issues in the SSP, and I want to make sure I appreciate that lots of work went into this and that we are only getting a very limited picture of the environment here..." That works like 70% of the time. I qualify any strong statement with emotionally intelligent language and it can save me some anguish. The final thing is let that mute button be your friend!!!! That thing was practically built for enforced impulse control 😂
It takes practice. And affirming the below comment, I take notes assiduously as well. I would recommend taking medication religiously while working - episodic use is risky as you cannot always predict when you will need it. I think one very very important thing I learned after years of struggle is that you cannot separate who you are from ADHD. It is not a feature you disable. You need to accept this is part of who you are and there are features that help and there are those that cause issues. Be aware and honest with people about it too, don't tell them you have ADHD, but be honest about your awareness of some of these effects. Everyone I work with knows I am passionate and sensitive to stimuli. It's just part of my presence and we laugh about it. Manage what you can and acknowledge the rest.
I went through 5ish years of putting my foot in my mouth and limiting my ceiling for advancement at a company in industry before I reworked the blurt out. I recognized that it created friction with others, derailed what could be done and I had no bandwidth or authority to fix said issues - meaning - even if i was right, no salient point i was making was actually actionable. That is how you lose capital. My undergrad is in engineering. So my comfort blanket for meetings is a pad of green engineering paper on which i take notes, draw diagrams, witeframes, mock up charts and otherwise doodle ponies and space lasers. With virtual meetings I have a notepad++ session open and I dump temporary notes to myself in it. Now, when I have a burning question, I write it down, review it, bring it up in a sidebar, test the waters of my knowledge by interviewing the owner of said unidentified problem in more of a 1:1 and I either plant the seeds of doubt in their own work, or I test whether any of what is going to happen will have an impact on me.
These are some really good insights. I asked myself - Why blabber if none of my points have actionable items? And I believe I do this so I get noticed. In the past I feel I haven't verbally contributed much at meetings and feel the need to 'catchup'. This all could be in my head and needs analyzing.
In addition to note taking, which is important to stay on topic, I find posing statements as well timed questions works as a way to insert ideas while getting forgiveness if you’re off base. If you missed an opportunity to Ask at right time, it is ok to say “going back to the point Julia made, do i understand correctly that the next step is …and would this also work to solve that issue…” Also if you have a contrary opinion it’s ok to raise - if you have prior evidence. For instance Regarding that plan, we had the same implementation with another client and it didn’t work because…. Do you think we could change up the method in this area? Also it’s ok to be quiet in meetings if you genuinely have nothing to add. Just remain engaged and acknowledge your part of the project being discussed. At the end of a meeting recap your action items by saying “before we go I confirm that I’m working on A, B and C by Friday.” (If that’s not obvious/repetitive). The way you will be recognized is getting it done. Not talking about it.
I feel you. Taking notes helps me. It makes me slow down a bit and helps to organize my mind.
I've come to the stage where I am too timid to speak up in meetings or doubt myself a lot..it projects as a lack of confidence in my voice. SO who has heard me on meetings says I'm being too hard on myself (beating myself up) ..another ADHD trait..sigh!
Oh yeah I hear you and yes I have been there. I also find people have a really hard time providing actual feedback to you about how you speak in meetings. This has put a damper on my advancement until I moved companies and really worked on my adhd. I would say part of it was learning when to participate. I have found sometimes with adhd we struggle with the silence but love the presentation and limelight. I have found that what can help is to focus on the recognition that you don’t have to always participate.
I'm just like you
I squeeze my thumb and forefinger together when I feel like speaking or interrupting. My impulse control in meetings improved dramatically in meetings once this became a habit and when I started actually trying to listen to others to understand them rather than to fulfill an etiquette responsibility.