{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "As soon as my husband and I got engaged my mother in law flipped a switch. She went from being nice and sweet to bitchy and passive aggressive. It’s so awful dealing with her that I have to drink when I’m around her to deal. Anyone had a similar experience? She completely tainted my entire wedding with her behavior. It’s a losing battle to talk to my husband about it because he can’t help but decent her.", "post_id": "61449fee74b7dc002cfe9c9d", "reply_count": 18, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law" }

As soon as my husband and I got engaged my mother in law flipped a switch. She went from being nice and sweet to bitchy and passive aggressive. It’s so awful dealing with her that I have to drink when I’m around her to deal. Anyone had a similar experience? She completely tainted my entire wedding with her behavior. It’s a losing battle to talk to my husband about it because he can’t help but decent her.

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I’m of the opinion that each spouses parents are their own problem. It should not be your responsibility to talk to her since she is your fiancé’s mother - he should have a conversation with her about the behavior and how it’s not okay to treat you that way. My MIL has never particularly cared for me and it initially started fights between my husband and I. He ended up telling her that as his wife I’m a priority and that she is pushing away him by treating me poorly. I would take this stance if it was reversed and my parents treated him poorly. I think it’s likely her realizing that you will (and should) take priority as his wife and she’s not handling it well.

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I feel you. Just trust that it has nothing to do with you and would be happening to any woman marrying her son. I’m told things get easier the further out you are from the wedding….fingers crossed that’s the case!

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This… I think there’s some sadness letting them fully go. It’s weird to me tbh but I’m not a mom so🤷🏼‍♀️ One thing that helped was laying it on a bit thicker about how much I love her son, how much I appreciate how she raised him, and encouraging him to keep in touch with her often (she noticed that as something I made him better at)

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This is EXACTLY how it went for me. Everything was fine and peachy until we got engaged. Then, it was like the truth came out. She asked me once what color my mom is wearing to the wedding and I described it as a plum color with metallic accents. She stated that is far too dark and old for her (shes 66). She stated that she will likely wear a silver or champagne. Her dress might be more white than mine is (my wedding dress is like a blush/borderline pink). I was very, very upset initially but with time I just kind of cooled off to it to the other variant of not caring at all. If she does wear borderline white to my wedding, it’s a reflection of her and not me. Good luck, OP. Have a drink for me, too!

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Omg it’s like we have the same MIL. She asked me what she should wear to my wedding and I said pink because I didn’t have a bridal party but I told everyone special in my life to wear pink. She told me “honey pink is not my color”. I don’t even remember what she wore at this point 😂 all I know is it wasn’t pink.

Sorry to hear you’re dealing with this! I am going through this exact same kinda thing right now with my new MIL, right down to the bad behavior at our recent wedding. Before she got too drunk to walk, she (among other things) confronted my department head and indicated that I tell people behind his back that he’s some kind of asshole who doesn’t treat me right. He and I actually have a great relationship (I mean, he was at my wedding), and fortunately he was kind about it when he took me aside back at the office to tell me about it, but I’m still so upset and worried about how I’m going to handle being treated badly by her for the rest of our natural lives

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Thanks so much for the supportive responses. To be honest, I still haven’t seen her since the wedding. My husband feels terrible about it but is bummed that there could be any kind of rift between me and his family, so I am really trying to not bring it up to him at this point. I do think he would back me up, but he would probably prefer to avoid his own confrontation with his mother. I think if I confront her directly, I risk giving her the satisfaction of knowing she got under my skin… so frankly I am still working out what, if anything, I should do. I love my husband a whole lot and do have to consider that it is a long game. I will not be sharing any future career updates though.

What if the bad behavior is your own mom? 😆 I have an undiagnosed bipolar narcissistic parent who is quite toxic. She said she was jealous of how much time I spent getting to know the family of my boyfriend of 5 years. At her 60th birthday, a tragedy struck my uncle. My cousins (his kids) apologized to her for it ruining her birthday. Her response was: yes, yes it did ruin my birthday. The she went on to make my photographer cousin go take family portraits instead of having them go home to grieve. My grandmother has dementia and loves soda though her doctor says she needs to limit it because of her health. On her 80th birthday, my mom challenged my grandmother to a fight outside the banquet hall where we were celebrating her birthday because she wouldn’t listen to my mom when she told her to take it easy on the soda. We don’t talk now because she discovered I was emailing my dad divorce advice after he told me was being abused at home and he couldn’t take it anymore. She wrote a profanity laden email, copied other family members, and said she disowned me. I could not be any more relieved. All this to say, I get the crazy. Also, your husband should defend you - his wife - and not his mom. I agree with someone’s comments earlier - it’s his job to protect you, even if it’s from his mom. Give her 3 chances of you trying to nicely convey how you feel. If she goes beyond that, then you have every right to put your foot down and call her out in it. If no one will stick up for you, you need to do it for yourself. You still have a lifetime of marriage to get through.

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Same here - right down to the being overly possessive of her son once we got engaged and being extremely rude at our wedding. Have gotten to the point where husband deals with his parents and I’m pretty checked out of that relationship. I attend events with them for holidays, etc and am polite but that’s about it. It’s not a warm relationship like it was. Oh well. True colors and all that.

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Same thing happened to me. She had me in tears an hour before I walked down the aisle. I tried to talk to my husband about it but it’s always a losing battle. He just feels stuck in the middle and feels the need to stick up for his parents.

Talk with her. I went through a stage like this and it caused fights with my now husband. Ask to do something alone with her, and be honest.

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Have you tried talking to her directly? If you once had a good relationship with her pre engagement, it might be worth a shot to clear up whatever caused the shift.

I feel like the relationship is really soured. She put such a gray cloud on my wedding day. She had me in tears the hour before I walked down the aisle. It was still a beautiful day but it’s always going to loom over and I don’t know if I will ever forgive her for it.

Lol, my mother in law (and sister in laws) said she’d disown my husband two days before our wedding if he went through with it. Did that for five months till she needed him again, and now just ignores me 🙄

Ugh MIL relationships can be so tough, I am sorry you are dealing with this! I’d try to get him to talk to her about it. My MIL is relatively nice to me but also does very strange things that are competitive/an attempt to prove her closeness to my husband. For example, if we go to a restaurant and I don’t finish all of my food my husband will usually finish mine. She will then try to force him to finish her food or at least take it home with him. It is so weird.

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