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Don't be on the phone. Be present there. Otherwise you are gonna hear it for your lifetime
Pro
1. If she’s doing epidural and has a period where can rest, grab a few winks on the convertible couch thingy
2. If she’s awake and/or uncomfortable, be doing something: hold her hand, massage her back, keep the ice chips full.
3. Aggressively police who’s in the room (prob not an issue with COVID). If pushy aunts and uncles weren’t part of the plan, they have to go. If you’re at a teaching hospital and your wife is no longer comfortable with a gaggle of med students and residents, it’s totally fine to ask the attending doc or charge nurse to limit the crowds.
4. Set the environments. Lights higher/lower, temperature, sheets on/off, etc.
5. If she feels like she needs the doctor or the nurse, feels like anything is off at all, or just has a question, don’t be shy about hitting the call button. you are her number one advocate at the moment, don’t be afraid to be a bit assertive. I almost delivered our third kid myself, because her doc was in a C-section, and the rounding doc wasn’t paying attention because it was shift change. Pretty much had to drag him into the room by his ear.
6. Make friends with the charge nurse and be gracious with everybody.
7. Words of encouragement throughout
8. After delivery, listen intently to all the post-delivery instructions. Keep the whiteboard up to date with time and weight for feedings and diapers.
9. Text your outside comms team eg both grandmas when appropriate to give a “everybody healthy, here’s 1 pic” when appropriate. Make sure wife has approved said pic. Then get off the phone. Let the grandmas or whoever text everybody else. Old school phone tree.
10. Right as she’s dozing off after the commotion dies down and the baby catches a nap (or better yet, nurses take kiddo for first bath), haul ass to go get some real coffee/tea/donuts/something indulgent.
And remember, you guys got this. About 20B people before you have figured this out. You have more resources than almost all of them and as much love as any of them. It’ll be all good.
Yes, I know, how did you arrive at it? 😀
Be present in the room, get her food, water etc, hold her hand and encourage her to push.
During our 18-hour long child birth, when we were waiting for the labor to be induced in the following morning, I slept on the floor in the night. And the Dr commented wow such a good husband! My wife still remembers that :-)
Take pictures and video. Even if she’s afraid she doesn’t look good or whatever, this is precious and amazing and you don’t get this back. Be present first and foremost - but grab a quick picture and video of you getting to meet your little one right after the baby is born too. That video we have (“hi little guy. We love you so much” and his newborn cry starting)... I tear up every time I see it even though it’s in the complete dark. Congrats!
Haha, yes, this is truth. My wife hated having her picture taken after labor. I snuck a few which are now precious but I wish I had done more.
My wife didn’t take any meds and spent a lot of time in the shower during labor. I spent most of the time passing her the water bottle or putting a cold towel on her forehead. Felt like I was in a Rocky movie. Just be present and focus on her.
Order chik fila and time it to show up right after delivery. She will be hungry.
Oof
Have someone bring you a bottle of champagne. She’ll likely enjoy a drink and it’s a great way to celebrate (assuming she’s not on pain meds)
Whatever you do- Don’t fall asleep.
Remember your job is to assist in any way she asks and to be the gate keeper. The latter is very important once family starts showing up.
Remember: after the little guy/gal comes...please please please spend a few hours together as a family before letting people back to see you guys. You can’t get this time back! If you’re having issues with family understanding or don’t want to be the bad guy your L&D nurse is more than happy to be the bad guy, just ask and they will move mountains for you guys.
Best of luck and enjoy it. It’s an amazing day!
Just be present and be willing to assist in anyway you can. Congrats!