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I don't think people ever need to be embarrassed- lots of folks live with family their whole lives. I moved out at 17, and would be shocked if I ever move back, but that's just what worked for my life and family, not the Universally Correct Choice. I also think you should contribute to the household where you live in whatever ways are needed and that you can- be that financially, doing chores, caring for old, disabled, or young relatives, etc., but I don't think there's anything wrong with multigenerational living
This POV sounds very white/American
In many places, living with the parents is an economic necessity. I am not arguing it should be and it probably has long-term negative effects on birth rates and stuff but for instance in Spain, unemployment for people below 25 is 43% so that’s that...
As a 33 yo, married man, it does sometimes feel embarrassing but that’s greatly offset by the fact that my wife and I paid off all my student loans ($80k), saved 5 months in an emergency fund, paid off my car and replaced hers in cash, and are saving for a house to buy next spring. We have zero debt and we couldn’t have done all this in 2 years without living with my in-laws. As long as the individual has a plan and seeing that plan through, then it shouldn’t be embarrassing.
AM1, very true.
SC1, also a good point bc not everyone has in-laws that are as easy going. Mine, fortunately, just stay out of our way for the most part.
Chief
No age to be embarrassed. It's more about the circumstance. Are you 25 and mooching off your parents (for example, you make more than them, but don't pay rent or help out around the house)? Then time to leave. But you could be 30, be really helpful around the house and your parents are happy to have you. And maybe you don't plan to move out until your married or in a serious relationship. Who cares. No one should be embarrassed specifically because of age.
And actually if you think of it, someone who lived at home 22-32 probably saved over $100k in rent. And even if they paid half that to their parents, that's still $50k for a downpayment and $50k of wealth kept in the family. Why be embarrassed about that?
Just moved back in with my parents at 25 due to Covid and my Dad getting diagnosed with Cancer. I don’t really think anyone should be embarrassed, most people don’t know what’s actually going on with each situation.
I’m 26 and this is me, a lot of young professionals have temporary moved back in with their parents until the Rona is dealt with and offices can re open. It makes no sense to split family resources right now. I’m paying half my old rent to my mom ( which given the area she lives is still like a major steal) to help her out and feel like I’m not freeloading. Not really dating much right now so it’s not like it’s gonna matter.
Pro
Depends on the situation. Should a “kid” that is a fully functional human being, older than 18, and has parents telling them to get out be embarrassed they live at home? Yes.
Should a “kid” that is a fully functional human, older than 18, and everyone living in the home is comfortable and happy with the situation as it is be embarrassed? No.
Should the parents be embarrassed that they’re telling their 18 year old child (who’s not doing anything illegal or bad for the family) to move out of the house? Yes, and they shouldn’t have had kids at all. People like that were wrong to have children, and they should be ashamed.
If the son/daughter is mid 20s and doesn’t truly need the help, then it’s more of an opinion scenario.
It’s pretty common to live with your parents even after marriage in developing nations across Latin America, Europe, and Asia. It’s very cultural too.
Pro
My mom never wanted me to move out, I packed my bags at 22 and she had a total meltdown.
It’s been 7 years and I still have to skype her 3 times a week for an hour to keep her sanity intact.
Pwc7 - didn’t have a loving mom? It’s normal for mothers to want their children with them but when they do move out, a part of her still looks forward to kids calling her.
this is true especially if your mother was a homemaker and stayed home to take care of you!
I’m 25 and considering moving back in with my parents for a year before moving to a new city for financial reasons so I personally don’t think it should be embarrassing at any age as long as there’s a good reason for it
I’m 25 and just moved back home during covid to save money
My older brother is 38 years old and lives in my parents basement. He has never moved out, doesn’t work, and just smokes pot all day, so there’s that...
Ahhh, the dream
Chief
For those who moved out when you were 18-22, what were the factors? A great opportunity elsewhere? Financial security through parent support or a top paying job? Wanting your freedom?
For me I didn't move out until 27 because I came from a low income family and was paying off student loans. Financial ruin was a real possiblity. I probably would have stayed a bit longer if my commute wasn't so long.
As a high earner now I don't have regrets, but if I had stagnated at $65k a year, I would have never really gotten ahead in life moving out when I did.
Also, I feel so much closer to my family having lived at home. My brother and I are far apart in age. So due to both of us attending college, we didn't get to spend as much time together. We had a bit of overlap my last year at home and it was great (up until we started driving each other crazy 🤣). But we never would have had that opportunity to really connect as adults otherwise.
Moved out at 18 & left the country with nary a backward glance, would visit when I could which was frequent but brief. Folks passed now so big gaps in knowing then as people not parents, so actually a bit envious of those who stay long enough to have an adult relationship with Mom & Dad
My parents lives with me. I support them partially financially but I am asian and that’s how we do it back home.
I am 26. I graduated from a top law school with $238k in student loan debt. Ive been living at home for a year and half, with my big law job, trying to put a dent in that number. I am now in the $170k range. I have a fully loaded emergency fund, and several investment accounts. I am the opposite of embarrassed about that. A lot of people i know went to law school at little cost because of generational wealth or scholarships. I didnt have that. Given my debt, I made a smart financial decision thats going to benefit me in the long run.
How about your love life? Does living with your parents impact that? There are various pros and cons. I think you made a very wise decision to stay with your parents but I think it would impact you there.
No-one should feel embarrassed because they live with their parents! There are many reasons why someone wants to stay at home. It is a personal choice and should remain as such. Caring for people, financial or just plain like living at home are a few of the many reasons. My personal opinion I find your comment rather condescending! I don’t live at home and moved out at 21 but I am mindful what is right for me isn’t necessarily right for another.
A5, I don’t agree with everything you said. Living with parents doesn’t necessarily make you a child. Trust me...you can live away from home and still be a child. I have worked with many people married etc. and they are still children. Replacing parents with a partner or still living within the influence of parents. My thoughts - non contribution is something entirely different and I agree everyone should contribute. Home, social and work. There are many many contributing factors that take you from child to adulthood. For some individuals it all happens (or starts) at a very young age and others get to wait! My point, you can’t put an age on this, you can’t judge a person on this and one factor alone does not define you as an adult. The word embarrassed bothered me the most, for me that word added an element of unnecessary judgement.
Im 29 M and still live with my parents. I started working fulltime at 24. To me, it's not embarrassing, I have saved up close to 140K, if I watched my spending I could have saved even more. But I will be moving out next month so I will not be able to save as much.
This is a stigma we need to work to try and break. Whether it’s for cultural, familial, personal, or financial reasons, there’s plenty of valid reasons to want to live at home
There’s nothing embarrassing about needing help and having a supportive family
It should never be embarrassing. We should try not to shame people, for having a family that is willing to help when they are in need .
Enthusiast
I moved out when I turned 18 and when one of my parents passed, I moved in with the other one to make sure they are taken care of. Bought the house and take care of of all the bills. Everyone (including me) still refer to it as my parents house even though I take care of everything.
It’s a culture thing. Here in US, one moves based on their respective family factors anywhere between 18-24. In Asian culture (China, India, Pakistan) I’ve seen three generations living under the same roof with pride. It’s all relative. Irrespective of the culture, there shouldn’t be any form of embarrassment living with parents at any age.