Back at my parents house & i am about to crack. anyone else in a similar situation? i should be more grateful but this is a LOT of family time. tips / recs appreciated

likefunnyhelpful
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I have no family home to fall back on. I envy people who have parents who still have a family home to fall back on.

likesmart

Wow thanks for sharing your story. It’s valuable for me to get that perspective from you. At times I resent my parents for being so controlling, but I don’t appreciate them for leaving that door open for me if things ever get rough and that I can come home anytime. You got me in the feels :(

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Immigrant, no family in the US. I would do anything to go and spend time with them
right about now. And yeah, they are annoying AF but I love them....

likesmartfunny

@CRM1 that is a very real problem. Social distancing is impossible in those conditions. It breaks my heart too - if HIV or TB or poverty or violence don’t get them, Coronavirus will.

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My parents never had a suitable place for me to return to. My suggestion is go back to your own place or be thankful to have a family who cares enough to host you.

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Um... I don’t, never did.

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I’m back home with my family too. It’s a lot sometimes, I try to spend most of my time outside walking or in my room reading and trying to maintain some space. The key is to limit interaction when possible and keep conversations quick and light. Also, I feel like I need to be there for them right now, which I need to remind myself is more important than anything annoying they do/say.

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I thought you said you almost tried crack. I was going to ask how was it

likefunny

My family is on another continent. My parents are old and very vulnerable in my home country. Or sucks I can’t be with them. It maybe tough for you but keep in mind what they sacrificed for you, practice mindfulness and let them have their small wins. Not saying that you have something others envy but this really is a great time to spend with your loved ones. Try to look through the small obstacles into the deeper love they have for you

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<insert one-up about family situation here>

likefunny

On a light note: All families have crazy in them. Anyone who disagrees is likely the crazy one.

Have a long-term perspective: life is short and we are not guaranteed tomorrow. So while this may not be an ideal situation for you, enjoy the moment. Be grateful your parents allowed you back as many may not have that same opportunity.

Also, learn to set healthy boundaries with your parents. If you haven’t done so, have a convo about roles, responsibilities, and expectations.

Lastly, do your best to live in harmony, avoid disagreements, and keep a goal for yourself as to when you plan to be on your own. Know that whether it’s three months or three years, this is only temporary.

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I totally get the points about being grateful for family but theres also a reality that some family dynamics make it hard to be around each other for an extended period. If I were in quarantine with my parents our relationship would not benefit from it lol. Dont feel guilty OP for feeling that way. It's the case for many many families

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I was with my family for two weeks, got frustrated and took a flight back to NYC. Now we just FaceTime

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When it’s over you will tell yourself “man that sucked but it wasn’t that bad” and you will feel bad about being an ass.

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Yup, living in my in-laws’ household where I regularly curse to myself about how inconvenient it is, and wish I was back in my own apartment. Staring down the possibility of being here until May/June. But we will get through this — try to limit interactions, keep yourself distracted, keep a gratitude journal, and remind yourself it’s only temporary. All the best 🙏

likehelpful

Thanks all for your support and create and for the reminders to be grateful.

I love my family and feel lucky that my parents have opened their home to me during this time of uncertainty. That said, spending too much time with any one person can often merit a mental break, so I was honestly just looking for some ideas on how to get that break at home and set better expectations. It’s good to hear that I am not the only one.

I am very appreciative of all your ideas, and I hope that you all get to be surrounded with people that you love especially during this time of uncertainty as well.

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I have also been back at my parents place. Not sure if you’re experiencing this - but my mom is retired so she was really excited to spend a lot of quality time with me. I found that creating a schedule and making sure I could do my work during the day and then doing game night with her or watching a show at night time was helpful.
I think wfh can be confusing and so I definitely agree with the poster who talked about boundaries and roles. Not sure if you actually get to take time for lunch during the day but I found also a little lunchtime break to have a meal with the fam was helpful because everyone is so stressed.

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This! Set boundaries, communicate your needs, find out what their expectations are. (Eg your mom thought you would help more around the house and doesn’t fully understand that you are working ) Not everyone will get all of what they want. But it sounds like you can define the system that works mostly well for most of the time. Good luck and happy walking 🙂

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The grass is always greener on the other side. Do not belittle OPs frustrations - their feelings are valid, as are yours. If your only reaction to this post is to shit on OP and claim they’re not grateful, reevaluate. They asked an earnest question!

OP, I’m not with my family right now but in past situations where we’ve been bottled up, I definitely took a lot of walks. Could be a good time to call some friends and maintain those quarantine relationships, too! If walking is not a solution, hole up in your room for a few days, take long showers, try to be the grocery shopper for your family. If you have access to a car, take a drive.

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I’m in the same shoes, came to stay with parents last weekend.

Honestly they drive me insane sometimes but I remind myself that being nearly 30 this is probably the last time where we’ll spend significant amounts of time together.

Plus who knows how long this thing will last for and i think being alone in my place would have been terrible mentally.

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I live with my parents, currently paying down student debt and helping them out financially. They annoy me occasionally but still grateful for everything they've done for me since we migrated to the US 10nl years ago.

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I feel this is best time to spend the time with your parents/loved ones.
We won't get this time again. Consider this quarantine as a blessing situation to reconcile or make stronger bond than ever. We cook dinner together and watch TV shows. Play chess and do home workouts. Blessed 😇

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Why are grown people going back to stay with their parents? I'm right out of college and a lot of my friends (who've graduated) are going home and I genuinely don't understand!

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Well, things get a bit more complicated when you have a kid or two and could use the extra help. Also half of it is placating the parents who would rather have their grown children by their side at this uncertain time.

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I just got back home after a guilt trip from my mom even though I didn’t want to go home for the same reason. I think for me seeing the happiness on my moms face made me feel a lot better - I’m glad I was at least able to do this for her so she’s not massively anxious and worried about me being in nyc. I’m sure I’ll face the same as you so I think just setting alone time and then times to do things together will help. I’m planning on engaging my mom for some online exercise classes I want to do so hopefully other times she will let me have my space after we have spent that time together. (Dad and I will just watch tv LOL)

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