Bad behavior at the holiday party. How can I salvage my reputation/regain my authority? (Nothing too crazy, just very hot dancing/grinding with junior practitioners)

funnylikeuplifting
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Embrace it! Were you both consenting? Then it was just dancing and a general embarrassing situation. No need to dwell. I’d make fun of it, “hahah, wow, so much drinking and dancing. We need to pull a ‘footloose’ and outlaw dancing for a bit I think”

We’ve all been in similarly embarrassing situations and if you want to be a leader, set the tone you want. It’s only weird if you make it weird.

likeuplifting

Agree! Who cares if you’re not a robot outside of work? I, for one, am glad you had a good time.

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It's fine. I knew what we were doing was just a one night thing. No worries. See you in Jan.

funnylike

Lol it could actually be funny

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likefunny

But your defensive attitude only emphasizes bad character...

Oh dear.

likefunny

Monday after Update: one of the junior I danced with pinged me on IM. told me he had fun at the party and hoped I also had fun and that he wasn’t out of lines. Seems like the shame train didn’t just stop at my station.

likefunny

Yeah but that’s abuse of power differences..... I wouldn’t recommend relying on that. Seems too easy to learn that behavior is excused by rank........

Yikes. Unfortunately, once junior practitioners and peers see it, there’s not a lot you can do to ever earn their respect/trust back. They can’t unsee it.

likeupliftingsmart

Yeah, I was inclined to agree that it’s not something you can salvage, but Grant Thornton makes a good point. You can try by either apologizing to anyone impacted (individually), which might be too overt and will only emphasize bad behavior, or you can use self-deprecating humor and be upfront. It should normalize the situation.

This is actually something I’ve experienced before when I was a Jr Con/Associate - had a Managing Director that behaved terribly at the end of a long and stressful engagement - drank way too much, started sharing too many traumatic personal life stories, started tearing up, trash-talking others at the party, stumbling around, not really handling herself very well, and then getting extremely unprofessional - rude conversation, falling down drunk, screaming belligerently.... unfortunately for me, I saw it and experienced it and will never unsee it.

What you did seems different in that it’s one type of bad behavior and not five - and you didn’t insult anyone or make anyone uncomfortable (hopefully).

I would have liked if my Director would have taken ownership and apologized to me personally for her bad behavior (she never did) and I wound up leaving the firm (I was on internship, turned down my offer) because of how I saw the culture (very negative) after that. It’s also stayed with me, and I am pretty open about having witnessed it. I think if she had apologized, things might have been different.

Make of that what you will. Seems your misbehavior was likely less severe - in the shoes of a Jr Con seeing your behavior, I might be a bit judgy and uncomfortable around you (might take you less seriously as a professional and would probably not want to work with you, given no other context), but if you handled it openly and apologetically with good humor at your own expense after that, and holding yourself to a higher standard (while showing some humility), that would help and I would be more open to reconsidering working with you. May even make you more human and relatable, depending on how you handle it.

Good luck, and have to give you credit for your self-awareness.

A lot of people have been in your shoes and I agree that if you are not like that the rest of the time, they will forget (or maybe remember and chuckle but not hold it against you). It happens, don’t stress too much

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Dye your hair, do dif make up, lay low for a while 😂🤣

funnylikesmart

Blame it on the aaaa—-llcohol.

likefunny

Well, they were a part of it too. I bet those people are not as worried or talking about it. So I would say own it and don’t overthink it 🤗

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Pretty sure everybody involved had spouses. Me them everyone. Which I thought would make it more ok. Because it was no question ask that nothing would happen beyond dancing.

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Ahh I would say own it. Own being the fun one at a party, but one that is very professional when it is time to get down to business. I know several partners who are wild at parties but still well respected at the office. The only difference between the fun partners we have and very strict ones is that the fun ones are liked more by the juniors. Dont listen to these people. You drank, you had fun, you showed a bit of your wild side. Whatever.

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Don’t worry about it. So many people leave Deloitte or a reorg will happen. Have fun

likefunnyuplifting

One time I went out on Halloween with some directors and ended up puking in one of their rental cars on the way back to the hotel. Apologized a million times the next day and they just loved that they were part of the fun with some of the younger team members. We went out a few times after that and I made sure not to get drunk around them again 🤷🏻‍♀️ they aren’t even at my company anymore. Things change fast.

likefunny

😂😂😂😂

likefunny

Were you at the Nats park last night? If so, I wouldn’t worry about it, guarantee no one was paying attention

funny

If they act weird, laugh it off and apologize, say you had too many drinks at the holiday party and shrug it off as nothing. Then ask them to plsfix slides 24-57 by EOD.

For real, I've been there. It's not a career killer at all. Be professional at work and move on. If people mention it to you, don't apologize, just chalk it up to holiday party fun. You're not a predator, you're just cutting loose and dancing.

I've had moment a moment or two like this over the years - I may have had a few awkward glances... But I had the respect and trust of my junior team members, and I totally crush it when it comes to work. If anything, being close with the junior team members helped me staff up my teams, or allowed me to help be the go between for better roles on my peers/other partners projects. All good.

As long as it isn't a habit, you're fine. Dance on, girl! 💃🕺

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Yeah just own it and brush it off. People get over this quickly... and no one will hold it against you.

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Explain this “hot dancing”.

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Hahaha

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We’ve all been there! Don’t overthink it

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I just had a similar experience except with karaoke... and I don't fully remember conversations I had. I agree with what some people say own it maybe make a joke at your expense but light hearted nothing too self loathing. Thank you for sharing this though and making the rest of us feel not so terrible about our own behaviours. We're in it together!

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