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Badly explain your profession

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I use random word generator to fill PowerPoint decks, decorate it with icons and then use random word generator to talk to about it. Someone in my team gets paid a shit ton of money for it while I get peanuts that they call bonuses

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Build data warehouses, provide insight by building self-service analytic tools and visualizations, forecast by using various statisical methods, play around in R, create functional and technical business requirements documents for system integrations, teach Tableau in a classroom setting...

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I tell people double my age how to actually do the job that they have been doing for the past 20 years

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I push buttons so that other people can get in a room together and know what to do when

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I create massive spreadsheets and beautiful slides that help global companies justify firing people and moving their jobs overseas. Ah damn it...

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I beg people to do their job

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I present decks to show a 20000 foot view in order to boil the ocean

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I leverage synergies

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I do nothing of value

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As my client said yesterday, "I remind her of her to do list"

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I keep my patients slightly sick so I can keep selling them more snake oil to heal their process inefficiencies

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I'm a babysitter for grown-ups

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I lead teams of people to do work companies don't want to do and to give them someone to blame when things go wrong

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The oldie but goodie: people pay me to take their watch and read them the time

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I annoy developers by making them actually test shit

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You know how Vanna White dresses very well and smiles and flips the letters on Wheel of Fortune? That's what I do, except with PowerPoint.

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Thanks for specifying how old grown-ups could potentially be, A4

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If a butler worked in an office. I am a well paid, well traveled, corporate butler.

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I take clients from issues to outcomes with pace, certainty, and strategic agility.

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I'm one of the Bobs

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Babysitter of 40 year olds.

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Additional Posts

I'm on the verge of tears when United announces it has a new caterer and that food+drink will be limited on my flight. But the alcohol supply is full, and relief washes over me in an awesome wave.

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Any DePaul- McGladrey MST program alumni? What was your experience like?

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Ladies: you lock eyes/exchange smiles with a stranger (on the commute, at the coffee house, etc) - toss out how you would want us guys to spark up a convo?

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S&P futures down 3% right now

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Anyone know a good international tax professional? Looking to file for Canada, I work in Cali and have foreign investment income to report to both US and Canada. Thanks fam!

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For EY, what should I be expecting at S3 in FSO PI, no MBA?

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Any UX designers available in Boston?

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I received a cold email today asking me to be on an advisory board for an unnamed "client" and asking for a call to discuss. This is the first request like this I've seen - is it legit? Seemed odd...

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Got set up with a girl. went out on 5 dates (once a week) tonight's going to be the 6th. Too soon to talk about what she wants in the relationship?

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Is it worth recruiting for MBB for post MBA (top 5) position after doing 6-7 years in tech consulting/implementation firm pre-MBA. Should I branch outside consulting? Am I being swayed by MBB prestige

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Are there jobs in biochemical patent prep and pross for people with masters degrees? Everywhere I look people want Phds.

I want to sit in the dark and in silence after the number of times I heard “mama” today from my kids. Toddlers really do push you to the brink of insanity.

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Good old Industry days 👨🏼‍💻

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When is the next big dip coming??

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Hello. I’ve recently scheduled an interview for a position as an assistant US attorney, in the civil division. Can anyone give me insight into the nature of this position? The work load/type (the job posting was so broad), the environment, expectations, the opportunity for advancement, etc. I am 4 years post grad, currently practicing private insurance defense. Any input is appreciated. Thanks!

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Didn’t expect this from Linkedin :(

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So my cumulative GPA was a 3.6 and I graduated with a dual-degree - but I did get a few bad grades in orgo, no good excuse other than I didn’t understand it....I got a C- then a B+ in O1 for the retake and then a C- in O2. Other than that, grades were mostly As, some Bs. Any way to spin this (other than I’m dumb at chemistry haha) or is this not even worth addressing in an optional essay? Thanks!

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Anyone use Chase for investing? Thoughts on it?

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What’s the min that it is okay to work at a company for before leaving? 1 yr? 1.5 yrs? 2 yrs?

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