{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Been friends w/ a girl for years since I met her overseas (chatting on phone often). When we started travelling together on a few trips, she annoyed me on so many levels, we are just not compatible so I no longer want to travel with her. I still value our friendship and don't mind continuing catching up on the phone. I'm non-confrontational so instead telling her i find her difficult/annoying, I just stopped inviting her/avoid trips/added a lil more distance. But she doesn't get it..-contd", "post_id": "60819fff44eb1e00244d516e", "reply_count": 10, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Been friends w/ a girl for years since I met her overseas (chatting on phone often). When we started travelling together on a few trips, she annoyed me on so many levels, we are just not compatible so I no longer want to travel with her. I still value our friendship and don't mind continuing catching up on the phone. I'm non-confrontational so instead telling her i find her difficult/annoying, I just stopped inviting her/avoid trips/added a lil more distance. But she doesn't get it..-contd

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Use your words, and don’t get into giving reasons because that just invites debate about why your reasons aren’t valid. You: Oh, I’m sorry, that’s not a good weekend for me to have a houseguest. Friend: But I won’t be any trouble! You: Sorry, I can’t that weekend. (You can add that you’d love to meet for lunch or dinner if that’s true.) Friend: But why? You: That weekend just won’t work. (Changing subject) Do you like Thai food/would you like to see the Van Gogh exhibit while you’re here? Repeat as needed.

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Thank you, I appreciate it.

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Cont'd :. She keeps saying we should take another trip and I keep making excuses, on top of mentioning I don't like travelling with anyone and I prefer alone. She said she wants to spend time together and visit me. I told her to there's nothing to do here and that I have alot of deliverables I'm trying to focus on before I leave and take my personal trip. Guess what? She book flight to my city anyways and expected to stay with me! I did mention last year maybe she could stay with me because she kept asking about my brother's house I'm currently in...but I would think she would confirm if this weekend works for me or something. I'm annoyed at this point because I feel she expects to just be down for whatever she decides.. and now i just don't want to be around her anymore (can't stand talking to her for more than 20 min). There's alot more to the story on why I feel this way about her.... I wanted distance to try get over some issues I had with her but I feel she is forcing herself on me more. I don't want to be mean, or completely throw out friendship away. Can someone please give me advise? I feel stress knowing I have to see her when I don't want to right now.

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Hey friend, I need some time to myself to focus on some things in my life (work, family, SO, whatever). So meeting up at this time isn’t an option for me. I hope you can understand. What annoys you about her? You may need to address it. She probably feels you pushing away so she’s trying harder (some people are like that). Also, we’re still in a pandemic, you could use that as a very valid reason for not wanting to meet up. No matter what you say, eventually you need to address this situation.

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Yes I want to keep the friendship with a safe distance. I don't have many female friends so I try to keep the few I do have. I'm an INTJ personality-wise, so can clash with alot of women in general...I like alone time to think/work on personal projects and can find people 'clinging' easily. So I think we both def clash just based on personality and I'm not as blunt as I should..... Instead mostly hoping people pick up subtle hints which is a flaw on my end. I see that now.

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I don’t have much to add but girl I FEEL you. I’m also East Asian and am a huge conflict avoider so I understand how you hope she gets the point by herself. I also have a very low tolerance for inconsiderate people who repeatedly act like those examples you gave - all those little things add up! If I were in your shoes (and admittedly I don’t know if my take is the best take) I would keep telling white lies so she can’t stay with me. I would use my brother as an excuse, anything to avoid a difficult convo 😂😂 Keep us updated...good luck!

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Set boundaries and continue to say no to anything she proposes. In the past I have just ghosted ppl like this (after clearly responding indicating I am not interested) because it’s the only way to deal with those who don’t understand boundaries

Yes I find it odd she doesn't sense my discomfort/boundaries and it's so uncomfortable to be blunt.... But seeing how stressed I am trying to think of good excuses to avoid her...I realize this is getting ridiculous.

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