Been getting into what feels like the first serious relationship in my life (23) and I've been learning about a lot of the issues my boi has faced in his life - I really care for him and he's the sweetest most affectionate guy but this all seems super scary like, for the past x years I've focused on figuring out my own life, how am I supposed to support someone else? I wanna make this work, is this something everyone goes through when they start committing to someone for the first time?

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When I’m in a serious relationship, I want it to feel like I’m in a team with my boyfriend. It’s not just about having a person who’s fun to hang out with (though that’s part of it), but someone who meaningfully adds to my life. This can take many different forms: helping me with stuff he’s better at, being a sounding board, giving suggestions, pointing out unhealthy habits or thought patterns I have, or just listening to me vent. And of course I do all those things in return. And in each of these interactions I feel like we’re growing together. It’s great when he gives me advice on how I can solve a problem, but it’s also helpful to me when I do the same in return. The “success” of one us (however you define success - it could just mean getting a little bit happier) benefits both of us in the end.

What I’m trying to say is, perhaps try to reframe and not just see it as you supporting someone else, and that being a block on your own life. It’s really a give and take, sometimes one partner needs to take more, sometimes the other. It’s only when one of the partners feels that the balance is out of whack that relationship issues tend to arise (especially if that feeling is left unspoken!)

I can’t comment on the specific issues your guy is having, and everything is of course not always as rosy as I described above. If things temporarily get too much for you and you feel overwhelmed or like you don’t know how to help him, that’s completely normal. It happens in every relationship. What differentiates healthy relationships from unhealthy ones is how you deal with those situations and communicate. It takes practice and real life experience, but you sound like a thoughtful guy (and you say so is he) so I think you’re ultimately very well equipped to learn, adapt and handle the relationship as long as you care about him.

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Thanks for the thoughtful comment :) I realize a lot of this is just me being young and naive and having no idea what I'm feeling or what I'm supposed to feel - I guess I'll take it slow and try figure things out as I go ^^

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