{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Been in a relationship since a few years. Things are going well, but we have communication issues. Recently, I met a new colleague at work with whom I have great chemistry. I kept my feelings to myself and haven’t said or done anything about it, but these feelings are distracting and have been bothering me a lot. Has anyone gone thru similar experience? What should I do? I’m so confused and conflicted…", "post_id": "61f3dda85003760032812c84", "reply_count": 15, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Been in a relationship since a few years. Things are going well, but we have communication issues. Recently, I met a new colleague at work with whom I have great chemistry. I kept my feelings to myself and haven’t said or done anything about it, but these feelings are distracting and have been bothering me a lot. Has anyone gone thru similar experience? What should I do? I’m so confused and conflicted…

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The grass is greener where you water it. If your relationship has good chemistry and is valuable to you, work on the communication issues you have and nurture it. If you’ve tried but you’re worried those issues are not fixable, break up and move on. However, do not fixate on this new crush and let it allow you to throw away a good thing. Chemistry + something new and unknown can be exciting but decide if it’s worth it.

likesmart

Thank you. Very wise words! Would you mind sharing how your story ended ?

Is said person single or also in a miserable relationship? Honestly, it’s best to not get romantically involved with anyone you work with. Could get messy.

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Said person is single. I can tell he finds me attractive, too. Indeed, it could get messy because we are colleagues. But we spend all our time together, especially in big law with the long hours… I basically cannot avoid him.

I agree w both P1 and AA1. You have three issues here. First, is your relationship salvageable? Do you see a future there if you work out the issues? That’s your threshold question. You either fix it or end it. Only after addressing that question do the others have relevance. Next, do you want to have a relationship with a colleague? Others in this bowl have advised against it but none of us is in your shoes. Finally, is this person someone you’d like to pursue? Chemistry is a fun building block but isn’t determinative. You’re considering altering major components of your life, so you owe it to yourself to be thoughtful and deliberate.

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A2 😅 Yeah, law school either broke me or introduced me to my people. Either way, I like it here

To quote Taylor Swift, “nothing good starts in a getaway car.” The thing with the colleague may be something and it may be nothing, who knows (with the caveat that workplace romance is difficult). But it might be worth thinking about whether you’d want to end your relationship independently of this, especially if you do want to give the colleague thing a fair shot. This would also give you a chance to see if it fades like a minor crush or if it’s more serious. Plus you might even enjoy being single for a bit. Then if you’re still interested in the colleague, you’ll know it’s real and not just a reason to get out of the current relationship.

likehelpful

EXACTLY. Is this crush showing OP she wants out of her relationship? Think on that first and foremost. Indulging a crush without tidying up one’s life gets messy quickly, for everyone involved.

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Crushes go away!!!

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It’s countercultural, and some might through cyber “tomatoes” at me, but I suggest reading Dr. Laura Schlesingers book, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives.

It’s countercultural, and some might through cyber “tomatoes” at me, but I suggest reading this book.

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Date to marry if that’s your goal, and don’t waste time on the wrong man. (Much more but that’s my simple take. 😊)

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