Been out of the dating game for so long (super long term relationship that ended recently) & just started seeing someone new. I really like him, but keep hesitating to go all in bc I keep telling myself he’s not my exact physical type, doesn’t have these traits my ex & I clicked on, etc.
I don’t know if I’m self sabotaging by just trying to find something wrong with him or being good about keeping my standards high/not settling. How do you differentiate 😓

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Definitely sounds like you like him but are trying to protect yourself.

I think there's no need to go "all in" if you aren't ready yet. You can just keep seeing him and see where it leads. But you also need to figure out what you want and are afraid of in the meantime.

likehelpful

You didn’t know your ex in the early days the way you knew them at the end. You didn’t have the same level of trust, comfort, preference, or love in those first few months

So don’t unfairly compare “end state” ex to “early state” new person. Apples to apples, and let it bloom on its own time

likesmarthelpful

Agree with A1 - you don’t need to go “all in”. You can just enjoy his company and continue to feel things out.

Also take this time to evaluate your standards and make sure they are serving you well. FWIW, “exact physical type” doesn’t seem like a standard that is going to make you happy or satisfied in the long run.

I have sky high standards on respect, EQ, responsibility and communication ability, but I’ll budge on almost anything else. In a very happy 8-year long relationship and still going strong.

likehelpful

Maybe take a beat and give yourself time to heal from the long term relationship and break up? Sounds like you may be dragging baggage from your old relationship into the new dating scene.

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Thanks everyone - these perspectives are really helpful
It’s actually been quite a while since my prior relationship ended (pre-covid & I didn’t date all of 2020/early 2021) so I think I’ve healed from the breakup, but that was also my only significant relationship so I do see myself slipping into comparison constantly because I had imagined my life long term with my ex for so long…
Nothing about this new guy is a major dealbreaker, & the idea of knowing a different version of my ex after years vs just meeting this guy is so true. I think I’m definitely going into that mindset of self sabotage a bit, & don’t want to ruin/miss out on something that could be good if I could just get past the mental block.

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It’s totally ok to take your time :)

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