Been w/ my bf 5.5 yrs, but I keep wondering when he's going to "get it together". He's been fired from 2 manager jobs in less than a year, one because he was caught doing coke there (off-duty). Now he's bartending under the table. I have huge concerns that he has serious drug/alcohol problems but it also just boils down to, does he want to improve? He's the kindest, sweetest person and we really love each other. But at some point I need my partner in his mid-30s to have a savings account 🤷‍♀️

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You both are in your mid-30s? I think you know what the answer is, as tough as it may be. He is not going to change and you deserve someone better.

likesmart

Yeah bartending is not generally a good place to get clean from a drug/alcohol problem.

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I’m sorry OP this sounds like a very hard situation. It sounds like you’ve been there for him throughout a lot. Has he indicated he wants to change re: drugs/alcohol ?

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It doesn’t seem like you are overreacting. If anything, it seems like you are giving him too much benefit of the doubt. If he can only go 1-2 days without drinking, he probably does have a substance abuse problem. Unfortunately, even if he wants to change, it’s an uphill battle to do so when substances are involved. Can you see yourself continuing to deal with these problems for one more year, five more years, etc?

likesmart

Give him an ultimatum, he either gets clean or you get going.

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He isn't going to change, so you have to decide whether or not you want to live that way. If you don't, it's time to leave him.

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