Being an "older" mom? I'm 33, married and want to have kids but figuring out the right time based on personal goals (travel) and career goals.

My in laws think we are too late to have kids, will never be able to support them in a way that younger parents could with more energy, and that we will never have the joy of ever seeing our grandchildren grow (this broke my heart).

Are we crazy? Surely there are people having healthy kids in their mid 30s and becoming amazing parents?

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I had twins at 40, some of their friends' parents are 10+ years younger, some nearer my age--maybe was their 3rd/4th/last kid. No regrets. I had plenty of energy plus extra wisdom and patience! There is no one good time, nor one right way, and none of us are guaranteed anything. Honestly, I wish I were younger but I tell them I'm just living till 102.

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Lol 33 is old? I just delivered my first son at age 35. He is 2 weeks old. I focused on my career too. I am an attorney and a consultant. I think I am a rockstar as a mom. You will too ❤️

likehelpful
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I just want to add that I’m so tired of seeing posts talking about this kind of behavior from grandparents. It’s almost like they need to go through training or read books to learn how to behave respectfully when their kids get married.

likesmart

M4 - That’s so annoying. A month after I delivered my MIL was at my house and she told me I looked so decrepitated and skinny. I responded wow okay. And she goes sorry I guess that’s something my mother would have told me 🙄.

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Too late!?! The nerve. I just had my first baby at 37 and worked out until the week of delivery. Was working out a month after delivery. I’m also pregnant again and my baby is 6 months. Still working out, pregnant, taking care of my baby, and working a full time client facing engagement and several firm initiatives. Ignore the unsolicited advice - you’re going to get so much of it. It’s obnoxious and unhelpful. We also have no family in the area. Have kids when you’re ready and set boundaries with family to keep their opinions to themselves! Also people are living a lot longer now - you will definitely see your grandchildren.

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What? I had my first at 33, second at 36. So did most of my friends. All parents are exhausted- I don’t care how old you are!
Now, the grandparent thing could be true, but that ship has sailed- nothing you can do about it. They should focus on quality, and being the best grandparent & parent to you, and not how long they may have with said grand baby.

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Same age as you for both of my kids . Parenting is exhausting at every age . Mental readiness > physical ability . That said , I’m physically just as capable if not more to raise my kids than I’d be in my 20’s. Your in-laws seem a bit out of touch with the new paradigms of parenting .

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I was 37 and 40 when my babies were born. No trouble conceiving at all, both easy pregnancies. I’m glad I waited until I was older - I’m a more patient, thoughtful and frankly better parent than I would have been in my twenties. Plus I was already a partner so the career pressure was lower and I could afford better childcare!

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Lol, their mentality is laughable and archaic. Please do not let them discourage you from what is best for you. I just had my first at 35 and yes I’m sure I would have had more energy had I had a baby ten years ago, but I was still a baby myself at that age - immature, irresponsible with money, not confident or sure of myself, living with roommates, not nearly as advanced in career, etc. I am hopeful to have another baby because of how amazing it’s been thus far. It kind of sounds like they’re thinking about themselves instead of you. So, in short, you’re not crazy, their comments are and honestly please do not normalize that thought.

likehelpful

What??!!! 😂
I was 38 with my first, and will be 40 with number 2. You aren’t too old.
There are also so many benefits to being an older parent; you’re more secure in all areas, and have the finances to afford help where needed.

likeuplifting

Your in-laws opinion assumes your kids will want to have kids. I had mine at 35 and I CANNOT assume my kids will make any of the life choices I did.

likesmart

What in the world? My mom was 34 for her first and 37 for her second. My husband was 33 for our first and will be 35 for our second. How is this problematic? Your parents are wacked.

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Oh and FWIW my mom took care of my first full-time for the first year of his life and has more energy with him pushing 70 than I do at 32 😂

likeuplifting

My mom had me when she was 27yo (she just turned 27). My grandmother was riding her ass pretty hard, telling her basically the same things OP's in-laws are telling her.
Conclusion: OP's in-laws are full of sh*t.

likesmart

Ugh this reminds me of my MIL, who for years would drop hints about she had kids in her 20s because she “didn’t want to be an old mom” and “couldn’t imagine having a kid after 30.” Husband and I just ignored her. Had our first baby 2 months ago at the age of 36. While this baby was conceived naturally, I did freeze eggs over a year ago as “insurance” to preserve fertility for baby #2 (and maybe even #3) as I’d like to have one more and not feel pressured to have them back to back. The best part about our timing is it allowed my husband and I to really feel certain we wanted children, and we had years of marriage together, travel, etc. We are financially stable and can provide a much better life than we could have even 5-6 years ago.

likesmart

Dont listen to your INLAWS! I just delivered my first son. My mother in law saw me pumping with my breasts out and she said “is that normal to be showing your breast like that?!” “Why dont you go to another room??!” I told her my priority is my son and myself and that I cannot hold the bottles and pump, and cover myself at the same time and that I was at my house. That she was not my
Priority and that it was super rude to make such a comment. She left my house and never came back. I started to respond to rude comments or opinions and politely say.. please this does not concern you and I dont want your opinion. Mother in laws can be so toxic. Make sure they know WHO IS THE BOSS IN YOUR HOUSE

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Your MIL is ridiculous but why are you holding your pump bottles, fam? Treat yourself to a pumping bra.

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Tons of people are waiting just like you have. I would suggest getting a fertility work up sooner than later though just so you know if you might need assistance. It sucks to wait until the perfect moment only for that to be the start of a new journey.

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You may want to do a fertility work up so you know what your time frame is. Will help you understand what’s possible. Fertility does decline so knowing your ovarian reserve can inform your plan. Good luck!

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I had my first at 35, trying for a second now at 40. Lots of fertility issues and if I were to do it again maybe I’d start a couple years earlier so it maybe wouldn’t have been this hard. But definitely don’t think you’re “late” by any means especially if your fertility work up is good. There’s no way I would have been ready to be a mom in my 20s.

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I appreciate you all! Sometimes family can say such hurtful things and it’s amazing that strangers on this app can show you so much more empathy and support :)

I feel much better and hope to have kids in a few years, when we are ready ✨

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Yeah that's baloney.

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Ignore, people will always say stupid things around parenting no matter what the topic. I've received my fair share of "you should just stress less" while going through IVF. My new favorite has been "Oh so your twins aren't natural?"

I'm 33 and pregnant, it's a wonderful age! :) My only advice would be to get into a Reproductive Endocrinologist sooner rather than later, if you start trying and things don't seem to be working. :)

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