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Best "Consultant Speak" sentence you've hated yourself for saying /typing?

likefunnyupliftinghelpful
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Painting airplane in midair...changing the tire at top speed.
We have an opportunity here...
Inks not dry yet...paints not dry yet...
Let’s leverage...
Raise that up.
Poke holes in it.
We’re not escalating, but you need to be aware..
You don’t give the Ferrari to the teenager.
Let’s flatten this out...flesh this out
Let’s turn it on its ear
Exactly, now invert it.
Don’t go below the hard deck
I need to noodle that
Toss it around and see if it sticks
This is top down...that’s bottom up
It’s not a problem, it’s a challenge

likefunnysmart

Our customers expect a unique POV - let’s check the internal library dB for that

What’s in it for me

So what?

Let’s not get wrapped around the axle

One day my better half mentioned about a workplace issue and my answer to her verbatim - “let’s take a step back and look at it from their POV” - safe to say I have not lived that one down yet

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I told my girlfriend I don’t have the bandwidth

likefunnyupliftingsmart

Both of you should hire outside consultants to audit your relationship...

likefunnysmart

Let's circle back.

Hi who just joined?

likefunny

I told my dad “no need to boil the ocean” when talking about how to change his cars oil and wanted to throw myself off a bridge

likefunnyupliftinghelpful

...We aren’t saving lives here

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My wife asked where her shoes were. I said “in the lobby.” I meant foyer.

likefunnyuplifting

So do conference calls. Well played sir.

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“I hope all is well”


Really idgaf

likefunnyuplifting

Winner 😂😂😂

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“Are you on fishbowl?” 🤦‍♂️

likefunny

Me, texting a friend who’s wedding was just called off and is moving cities, “circle back to me with a time when you are free and we can connect”

likefunnyupliftinghelpful

I don’t see how that’s wrong if they were busy? Lol

Same thing as call me back when you have a sec

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This is a living, breathing document.

I.e We haven’t quite finished yet

likefunnyhelpful

Mine was "leveraging the synergy" while writing a report. It just came out.

likefunnysmart

I’ve used synergy during a speech at a wedding rehearsal and hated myself for it.

likefunny

Scotch, double, neat.

likefunnyhelpful

“I just want to ensure we’re aligned” when asking my boyfriend where our relationship was going.

He broke up with me.

likefunny

BCG1 too soon. Too soon.

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“Hope this finds you well”. I couldn’t careless if you are well or not

likefunnyhelpful

Anyone else have thoughts of giving it all up for a simpler life in West Elizabeth?

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“Excuse me, I’m a platinum guest"

likefunny

Let me know if you have any questions...

likefunny

It also covers you if they do it wrong but didn’t ask any questions during the process...

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“Let’s circle back this afternoon after taking a 30,000 feet view and scoping it out very high level. We can touch base around noon, set up a call, and really do a deep dive and get granular with this.”

“I’m sharing my screen.......let me know when you can see."

likefunny

At a high level

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Best practice

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"Let's take this offline.." when my girlfriend wanted to have the relationship talk.

likefunny

“Holistic”. Oof

likefunny

Much common, very BS

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Additional Posts

Who just invited me to this? This is pretty cool!

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My Director just won the tactless award of the week, and it's only Monday.

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If I have my moms delta platinum can i get upgraded on an international flight (Nyc to Spain)

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How do you de- stress after a long work week and you're just at home? I like playing the guitar. I'm no expert guitarist but i do know the basics and it soothes me to hear and sing to music i play.🙂

likeuplifting

Another phone interview and one more in person interview after I already came for in person. Any ideas what this means?

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38yo and my period has become short (2-3 days) but very heavy. Vomit on the first day of my period now. This all started in the last few years. No kids, if it matters. Any other experiences like that?

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Hi fish fam, any book ideas for new parents? Anything that has helped you develop your own parenting style?

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Today I decided to walk away from people who are crap, meaningless, and heartless.
It’s hard, but wish me luck and the will power to keep it that way.

likeuplifting
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Anyone in Columbus, OH?

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Best portfolio school in NYC?

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Fun side projects you’ve seen? Or any that you’ve made that landed you your current job? I need an outlet and something I can control. 😂

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Your best low-cal yet filling recipe? Really need to drop the quarantine 15...😂

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I understood Consulting finally, we consult cause we can take the blame. Everything falls on us.
Because we are the heroes the world deserves, but not the ones it needs right now, so they'll hunt us. Because we can take it, cause we're not heroes. We're silent guardians, watchful protectors, the Dark Knights.......

Mic drop y'all

likefunnyupliftinghelpful

How far in advance should you sign your new offer letter before putting in your two weeks if the start date is 5 weeks + out?

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nyc 🐟 : best brunch spots near columbus circle on this rainy day?

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EY fishes, what is the time window to join EY and enter in the yearly evaluation cycle?

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I just want to thank all the ladies here who provide valuable feedback/guidance and not sassy comments. So many times you all have stopped me from making a mistake at work & personally. Thank you!!!

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