{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "BF didn't spend Thanksgiving at my family's home as planned due a fight we had last weekend. I didn't want him to spend it alone so I drove 1.5 hours to bring him food/wine...(cont.)", "post_id": "5837c69abb57f500161abfa6", "reply_count": 65, "vote_count": 8, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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BF didn't spend Thanksgiving at my family's home as planned due a fight we had last weekend. I didn't want him to spend it alone so I drove 1.5 hours to bring him food/wine...(cont.)

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From a girl who was married for over a decade - (now divorced) there are red flags - this is one - anyone who disappears for 3 weeks (not a day - 3 weeks!!!) without either a. Resolving or b. Just breaking up -you should not be with right now. He either:
1. isn't that interested and doesn't have the guts to do it himself so he makes up reasons to make you feel bad and you end up looking like the crazy girl bc he keeps prolonging and you keep holding on or 2. He will always be the type to pull away and not resolve issues which isn't a man you should be with right now until he matures . Tell him you love him then break up. Let him be alone. If he comes back make it on your terms and make him fight for you. If a man doesn't feel like he has to fight to keep you he will never know you are worth keeping. Notice the red flag and if he still hasn't improved on this topic-please move on. Love, older and wiser 😉😘💁👋🏻

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OP, you sound like a younger version of me. I stayed in a relationship like this for two years because I really thought we were meant to end up together. It was so hard at the time, but I'm SO glad I got out of that finally. Also, I'm one who likes to talk through things immediately; a compromise I've reached in other relationships is deciding exactly when we WILL discuss. E.g., not today, but Saturday afternoon. It makes it a lot easier for me to be patient and give someone space if I know there's a defined endpoint and it's not getting ignored forever. Now, I'm even okay with going to sleep without resolving things and fixing them in the morning, which is the opposite of how I used to be. Good luck!!

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You sound like you went above and beyond to make it work and he's just being a dick. I feel for you, keep your head up and let him (hopefully) come to his senses.

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Op jesus drop that wet rag asap. Thats borderline emotional abuse and he needs to figure his shit out if he blocks you out for WEEKS at a time

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Bcg you're a jerk and get your head out of your ass.

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LOUD NOISES

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I am just like your bf. Give space. Talk less.

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I have no idea how you think its acceptable in a relationship to hole yourself away for 3 weeks to recover your precious feelings. Thats a jerk as fuck move and absolutely dumpable. Not understanding that makes you a sociopath who should not be in relationships.

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I don't understand men like your bf or@BCG1. I think it was very thoughtful of you to leave your family on thanksgiving day just to bring food/wine for him. If he is stupid enough not to see your kindness and hold on to his childlike behavior, he got to go! Relationship is a two way street, only works when you have solid communication. We do lots of things we don't like to (wake up at 4am every Monday) but we do it because it's something we have to do as a part of being an adult. Your bf needs to grow the fuk up and put his big boy pants on. And honestly, you deserve better.

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I am not the talkative type either, but I would never let a fight come in between me going to my gf house as planned, unless I want to break up. Also, even though I like space and not talking, food and wine is a great peace offering after which I should have no legit reason to go on offensive , just my 2 cents

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Dump him. He seems like he values his ego over your relationship and your feelings. You don't need to deal with that. 3 weeks or even going a week without talking to your SO over a fight isn't healthy.

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He's really stubborn and hates "talks" so here we are... in a bigger fight than before because I was "forcing" him to talk. I don't know what to do anymore 😞

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OP, if he disappears for up to 3 weeks at a time and gets angry when you show up unannounced, 1) you and him may not be on the same page about where your relationship boundaries currently stand and/or 2) there may be someone else? These are my initial reactions and thoughts based on the information you've provided.

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3 weeks?! OP sounds like your bf needs conflict -resolution help

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Sounds like a really immature boy. Find a man and don't look back. You deserve better.

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@OP - where do we find girls like you? Damn you are a rare find, who go above and beyond for relationships. Haven't read all the above replies...hit me up if you get single by any chance!! Lol

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You deserve better than him. 3 weeks is ridiculous

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A1, kick rocks. Everyone is different, bcg discussing how he handles situations doesn't make him a jerk.

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I'm surprised nobody has asked the important question of what the fight was about.

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OP we are hearing only one side of the story but based on the one side. I have to say if you were my gf, asked me not to drive because you wanted me to have fun with my buddies and offered to let me crash at your place. I would be a happy man. I would also be happy and maybe even apologetic if you brought me food and wine. Like holy shit those are the two best things to a consultants heart. Home-cooked meal and booze, SCORE!! Dump the poopy head.

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Based on your story, it sounds like he might be overwhelmed with your desire to take care of him. He might feel you're encroaching on his independence and are being more of a mom than a gf. Not saying he should go weeks without resolving the issues, but could explain why he's opposed to you showing up and "forcing" him to talk. Just my 2 cents.

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