BF didn't spend Thanksgiving at my family's home as planned due a fight we had last weekend. I didn't want him to spend it alone so I drove 1.5 hours to bring him food/wine...(cont.)

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I don't understand men like your bf or@BCG1. I think it was very thoughtful of you to leave your family on thanksgiving day just to bring food/wine for him. If he is stupid enough not to see your kindness and hold on to his childlike behavior, he got to go! Relationship is a two way street, only works when you have solid communication. We do lots of things we don't like to (wake up at 4am every Monday) but we do it because it's something we have to do as a part of being an adult. Your bf needs to grow the fuk up and put his big boy pants on. And honestly, you deserve better.

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From a girl who was married for over a decade - (now divorced) there are red flags - this is one - anyone who disappears for 3 weeks (not a day - 3 weeks!!!) without either a. Resolving or b. Just breaking up -you should not be with right now. He either:
1. isn't that interested and doesn't have the guts to do it himself so he makes up reasons to make you feel bad and you end up looking like the crazy girl bc he keeps prolonging and you keep holding on or 2. He will always be the type to pull away and not resolve issues which isn't a man you should be with right now until he matures . Tell him you love him then break up. Let him be alone. If he comes back make it on your terms and make him fight for you. If a man doesn't feel like he has to fight to keep you he will never know you are worth keeping. Notice the red flag and if he still hasn't improved on this topic-please move on. Love, older and wiser 😉😘💁👋🏻

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@OP Obviously don't know your exact situation. I in his shoes would have been annoyed that you showed up unannounced and I had to face the unsolved issue from a defense position.

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@BCG1 I get your point; I didn't expect the defensive perspective. Knowing me, I just don't like letting the holidays or birthdays go sour. As much as possible, I try not to hold grudges and fix things quickly.

On another note, would you have reacted the same way if it's been three weeks?

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It sounds like you've answered your own question.

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@op your relationship should not be this difficult especially in the early stages. Eventually it will be too much and not work out and you're going to wish you had not invested so much of your time in this. You cannot change a s/o so find somebody who has the qualities you want.

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3) he's feeling overexposed to you

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OP this is how he reacts in a minor fight. How do you think your marriage will be when you have a real fight? You said no marriage lasts 30 years without working through problems- that's only true if both try. He clearly is not trying. Do you really want to spend your life posting on fishbowl maybe 1-2 times a hear asking how to get your husband to talk to you? Do you think the way he resolves issues is something you want your children to grow up learning?

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Sticking by you isn't putting up with your fights of which by the way shouldn't exist for things like " I don't want you to drive drunk I'll get you and you can stay with me" you are romanticizing something that is really out of wack. I bet when you find the right one your only fights in the first year will be when you're hangry and about directions and you'll make up a couple hours later and then make up sex will be great.

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Jeez BCG I wonder why!

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He's miserable. You are going way above and beyond. Put him out of his misery (and your own). Some guys just can't do it themselves and need help.

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@OP For me personally everything has been digested in 3 weeks and I'm happy to start "fresh". But again, might be different for your bf. I just recognized myself in your initial symptoms description.

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@PwC4 At this very moment, I don't see a way through this. The end game? I had plans to marry this dude. Key word: had.

Honestly, the advise I would give myself is to let it go. And if anything we shared in the past 2 years meant anything to him, he'll come around. But for now, I'm making myself look like a fool. I don't know about you... but it's really hard to take your own advise 😞 The other part of me believes in perseverance/that no relationship was perfect from the very beginning. People who've stayed together for 30+ years didn't get there by chance; they worked through it... so that part of me wants to stick through it and work it out.

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Yes that was very thoughtful of you. He sounds angry with life. Perhaps it's time for a new boyfriend who likes free food on Thanksgiving and talking

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@BC1 How much space is enough space? It's been a week! There have been times where I left him alone for 3 weeks straight and still, the same reaction.

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Dump him. You deserve more.

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@Deloitte3 we went to his friend's party last Saturday. He hasn't seen his friends for over a year, so I wanted him to enjoy and I offered to drive/he can spend the night at my place. Once we got to my place, he insisted that he can drive home. I threw a fit bc I didn't want him to drive after having had a few drinks that night and I admit, I escalated it a little too much. But by the end of it all, I gave up and let him go home. The next day, Sunday, I received no text or call from him. I didn't even know if he got home safely. So, naturally, I called him... I was angry (and there goes another fight). And we haven't talked since, until now.

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If that's how you feel, you know what you need to do, as difficult as it may be.

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Taking your own advice is hard, but you'll be happier for it.

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@OP I see where you are going with your last statement. Let me clear up for you, no HAPPY marriage of 30 years started out like yours. You need to get the guts to break it off. There are too many flags. maybe your personalities are oil and water or maybe he is just immature but you need to let go and find the men who posted above who appreciate what you do.

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You are a pushover op. Missing plans with your family is unacceptable. Dump him. He doesn't respect you and it's obvious.

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Why are you calling me a jerk, Accenture?

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