Big Law Dads: How much time do you usually take off when your wife has a baby? And do you actually get to take off, or do you just end up working from home half the time? My wife is due Mid-December, and I’m staffed on 4 M&A deals trying to close by year end, so it’s not looking promising.

likehelpful
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Not a dad (expecting BigLaw mom) but please, for the love of god, take every single day you are entitled to under your firm’s policies. Do not work from home. Your firm will deal, and your partner (and women everywhere) will thank you.

likesmartupliftinghelpfulfunny

Dad here. Take the time. ALL the time. Was the best time of my life, being cuddled up with the baby as much as possible and helping the wife.

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Take every ounce of time you’re given. However if you are allowed to split, do half when she first gives birth and then second half when she needs to go back to work so you have alone time with baby

likeupliftingsmart

Yup this is what I did. 4 weeks at the beginning, went back to work for 8 weeks, then 14 weeks once my wife went back to work. I will say work was pretty tough with a one month old though.

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Father of 2 here: take every second offered to you because you won’t be able to get that precious time back with your family (and your partner will be entirely appreciative).

At the end of the day, your family is always going to be there and you probably can’t say the same about your firm!

likesmart

Take every day available to you. I’m at v10 where we just increased to like 18 weeks for ALL new parents (retroactive for the last year or something) and several new dads have decided to take their extra time in addition to what they already took. Everyone has been supportive. Communicate well and transition your matters well, but take the full time.

Things will not change until we all make it the new normal that BOTH parents need significant time off to take care of and bond with the baby (in addition to mom’s physical recovery time) rather than just assuming that’s mom’s job and just some crazy windfall if dad takes time off to take care of and bond with HIS kid (you know, not just some kid his wife happened to have that he’s going to be tangentially involved with… )

likesmart

What’s your firm’s parental leave policy? My firm had paid paternity leave for 3-4 months and I took every day off and didn’t check my email at all. People were surprisingly supportive

likeupliftinghelpful

Your baby will never be in the precious newborn stage again, it goes by so quick. Do not prioritize deals over your time with your wife and newborn. It legit happens once

likeupliftingsmart

For the love of God, take the time off. If your firm won’t give you the time off, find a new firm.

likesmart

Arrange for coverage NOW. Take the leave.

likesmart

Woman here whose husband was only entitled to two weeks of leave. It was BRUTAL for me when he went back so soon after birth. I wasn’t even physically healed yet, let alone emotionally or mentally ready to be on my own with our newborn. Maternity leave was the most isolating time of my life, and it was compounded by it being winter (relevant for your mid-December baby if you live someplace cold). I can’t adequately explain how much better it would have been for me if my husband has been home longer.

And this isn’t even touching on the benefit he would have gotten from being home.

likehelpful

I had the same situation, my husband’s firm did not offer a parental leave and he took a couple of weeks vacation time when our baby was born and was expected to make up missed billable hours later in the year. The first week was mostly spent in the hospital so he did not get much time at home. I think it is very lucky for a dad to have a job that offers more than 2 weeks leave for paternity and OP should take any leave offered.

I also had a baby during the earlier part of the pandemic and my husband was the only source of help for me/ we could not have more family around. His support was critical for me and baby and he stepped up big time to split nights and still went to work. He’s a superhero and new moms are too.

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BigLaw v10 firm but in London; I took a year 🤷🏻‍♂️

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Thanks! Good to know. Sounds pretty awesome.

My husband (consultant) worked through his paternity leave with our second but took it off with our first. He regrets it, in large part because he has a palpably different bond with our second. Specifically, he cannot settle or comfort him like he could our first. He’s trying to make up for lost time now that the baby is a few months old.

Take every minute you can get. Your partner needs the help. Your baby needs the bond. There’s a wealth of evidence that the male brain goes through the “dad transformation” if and only if he spends a lot of time caring for his new baby (whereas a mom’s transformation comes naturally through pregnancy and delivery).

You won’t regret it.

likesmart

I think it’s important for your relationship with your wife to take the maximum you can as well. I would resent my husband if he went back to work sooner than necessary and left me alone with the baby.

likehelpful

Just had a baby. At an AM Law 100 firm. Taking from first week in November to February 1. Checked email twice to clean out inboxes and that’s it. In my opinion - the time you take to help with your new baby and provide support to your wife/partner (who absolutely needs it) is so worth it. If it delays my oppos and partnership by 3 months, whatever. You don’t get back the early times with your kids. Days are long but years are short.

likesmart

Congratulations. Hope things are going well and enjoy the Holidays!

likesmart

I took the full 6 weeks and left within 4 months of birth. No shame. Best 6 weeks of my life.

likesmart

I recently left big law and my firm gave me 14 weeks with our last child. I took it all and expressed a lot of gratitude to my firm for giving me that time off. I was recruited by Amazon shortly after coming back from leave and left my firm. I was hesitant to leave after just taking 14 weeks off, but everyone was cool about me leaving to go in-house. Started buttering me up to send them work actually.

Take whatever your firm offers. You never get that time back. They can/should figure it out just like they would if you quit.

likesmart

Your deals are comparatively unimportant. That is time with your baby that you will never get back.

likesmart

Not a dad but I’m the non-birth mom in a same-sex couple, so similar boat. I took all the paid time I could get with both kids. Best decision I could have made. I’m a much better parent and much better spouse today than I would have been if I hadn’t taken that time to bond with them, care for my wife during postpartum recovery, and learn how to be a parent. If your firm frowns upon dads/non-birth parents taking the full time offered, that is bullshit and you should find a better firm.

likesmart

I know what the policies are, I hear the "take it all" folks on their points, but I dont think this is really helpful info when trying to get a sense of what people actually do in real life. What do partner track senior associates in deal practices actually do? 6 weeks? 8? Looking for real life info not advice.

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I lateraled from a top lit boutique to V20 as a senior associate. Two months after I started, took the full 14 weeks paternity leave. I was specifically told that doing so would not hurt partnership chances. A year later, I have been told that I will go up next year, and no one has ever (I mean no one, ever) said anything about it.

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Boomer here. We'd never have THOUGHT of taking more than two weeks off, and we'd have been punished if we'd tried. Good for you for having a more family-oriented philosophy. Plan ahead for the necessary coverage and take all the time you can, your firms will adapt just fine without you. And you can't get that time back. (BTW, as s/he grows, try not to miss to many T-ball and soccer games either. Those are the best, and your kids notice your absence.)

likesmart

I took the full four months as primary caregiver under the firm’s parental leave policy for both kids. The firm was very supportive both times. It’s one of the best perks of big law so might as well take advantage.

likesmart

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