Biglaw M&A partners: how do you make time for kids? I’m a midlevel and my husband and I are thinking of having our first kid in the next 3-4 years (close to partnership for me). Is it possible to have evenings / weekends off as a partner (outside of signings/closings) to spend with the kids or should I consider going in-house instead in the next few years?

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The best way to tell is to look at the partners in your group that have kids. Are they answering client emails in the evenings and on weekends? Still checking their emails on vacation? If yes, then you know your answer.

likesmart

Agreed!

It's possible with the right team, both at home and at the office.

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Agree with this. My partner also has a very demanding career and we have some caretaker responsibilities for our respective parents (that we can’t outsource). For us, I didn’t see how we could make kids work, which wasn’t a big deal because we never really pined for kids anyway. So I’m not saying it can’t work—it can. But you really need to assess your situation.

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It’s a juggle and you take it day by day! If you’re not really responsive 530-730pm at night for kids bath/dinner/bedtime and want to do school drop off and random doc appointments and music classes, then you have to be ok logging back online at night after kid bedtime if you need to. I don’t think it’s possible to have full evenings off in an active M&A practice. Sometimes you do though! I don’t work many weekends unless I’m on a live deal looking to near term sign or close. There’s incredible flexibility with our jobs, but you do have to fit the hours in somehow!

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You aren’t going to never have to respond to emails or join a call or something but partners weekend/evening work is very different than an associates. Sure I have to join the call at 10 on Saturday morning to walk through the issues list but I can then go back to spending time with my family while the associates are turning the document. I’ll have to step away to review it or to answer questions but that’s pretty manageable with a supportive partner and/or having some backup childcare available. Also, I have a lot more control over when those calls are scheduled, etc.

In addition, the compensation allows me to buy back a lot of time and headache. To each her own but I have zero desire to cook (other than for fun but definitely not 3 meals a day for myself or my family), clean, do laundry, etc. those are all tasks I am able to outsource which frees up an enormous amount of time I can then actually spend with my family on nights and weekends when I’m not working instead of doing chores. Similarly, big law is pretty flexible in terms of being able to show up to stuff in the middle of the day outside a signing/closing. So I’m able to attend stuff at my kids school that’s important to me and them. I opt out of a lot of the traditional mom stuff (any school related activity/volunteer work that does not involve spending time with my children, cooking dinner, making sure laundry is taken care of, etc) but I’m able to do all the things that are important to me (spending time with my children). My compensation allows me to buy a lot of time and convenience that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford. If I had a lower paying job, I’d work less hours in the traditional sense but I have a sneaking suspicion that time would be replaced by traditional SAHM tasks I have no desire to do. It also helps that my husband has a less demanding job which helps balance it out but if he had a similarly demanding job I think we would likely just have more paid childcare available, which is what we do when he’s traveling. Since I make good money, I have no problem telling our nanny to go home early (with pay) if I am able to wrap up work early and hang out with my kids. I’d never get those random (but not infrequent) afternoons with my kids when work is slow if I was in house/had more of a traditional 9-5 and set daycare hours.

likesmart

Of course! I’ll also add that letting go of most traditional ideas of motherhood was incredibly freeing. One example is dinner and bedtime. It’s something you constantly hear about as being so important but I never got the hype. Especially when kids are young, they go to bed super early, are kind of pains at bedtime and trying to get work stuff wrapped up and/or actually focus on kids when emails are piling up was not enjoyable for me. However, little kids also wake up really early and in my experience M&A tends to be slow/quiet in the morning. So by ditching the idea of being home/present for bedtime, I would instead get at least an hour of time with my kids in the mornings to eat breakfast together, read books, play, have dance parties, whatever. That morning hour was about 50 times more enjoyable than the bedtime hour. It’s definitely possible to be a mom and an M&A partner, it might just look different than what society tells you motherhood has to look like.

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Curious to know as well. I see partners working and responding to emails all the time. They work during vacations as well. And most women partners who have kids have a SO that does not have a very demanding job. Is that necessary? That one of you needs to take a step back?

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Love is patient and kind.
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