BigLaw Partners: what did you have to sacrifice to make partner and was it worth it?

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A soul for a soul - thanos

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I am a female equity partner with three children. I have no nanny and I take my kids to and from school every day. My husband works full time in an unpredictable profession. I have been “part time” my whole career, to buy myself the flexibility, but routinely bill 45-50 hours per week. I exercise daily. I work hard and am in the trenches with associates, but also set boundaries with clients and colleagues. I have always made it clear that my kids are my first love, but that I genuinely give a shit about doing stellar work and making my firm a pleasant place to work. And I buy my own Louis Vuitton ;)

likeuplifting

Love the LV comment. PREACH!!!!

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Radio silence from a partner—what’s new!

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I hear a junior associate or three paralegals must be sacrificed into the volcano every fourth full moon to stay on track and not anger the gods.

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I’ve seen a few associates take the elevator up on Thursdays and never come back

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they say a stroke and two divorces

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I just made equity partner and have wife with two small kids. Most of my “sacrifices” have to do with giving up free time (nights, weekends, holidays, guy trips to Vegas, and family vacations) for work stuff. I have not, however, had to miss anything that was truly important to me or my family because I tend to draw a line in the sand when it comes to that: “I work so I can provide for my family, if I don’t have my family, I don’t have a reason to work (this hard)”. My clients and co-workers get that and I really wouldn’t care if they didn’t. I work extremely hard when I’m available so I feel like that buys me free time when I need it. Also, my wife is my ace and we’ve been together since undergrad so she has been around the block and knows how to have patience during my busy times (and I assume her patience has something to do with me spending the amount of a car at Louis Vuitton, Burberry, David Yurman, etc...) My kids are still young enough where I haven’t had to miss games or anything, but I just try to be the best dad I can, when I can, and when I’m there.

All in all, I think my sacrifices have been worth it. To each his/her own though because I know there are a lot of people who do give up important stuff and they not should—people will push you as far as they can and there is no guarantee you make it at the end of the day.

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It’s hard to say because my wife isn’t an attorney so I haven’t the slightest clue of what that would be like. However, I’m not sure the profession matters as much as constant communication and really being a team about stuff. If you don’t have kids, I’m sure it would be fine. It’s when you start to introduce little humans into the world where things can get interesting.

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Been an equity partner for a year. Gave up a lot of nights, weekends, time with family. Learned how to sell myself, which didn’t come naturally but has paid off. Have struggled with depression and self-medicating, lost a marriage, got my heart broken by the next relationship. Is it work’s fault? No... I made my choices, but the demands of the job made it that much harder.

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Sorry I missed this reply and your question. I learned to create opportunities with clients, which usually means asking for introductions and meetings and — most importantly — asking for the work. Sounds simple enough, right? But it was way outside my comfort zone. I thought that if I did a good job and marketed, that was enough, but going that extra step and straight up asking - it’s humbling and also effective.

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I am a female partner patent attorney. I have three kids and a supportive spouse. My clients are very understanding, but I tell everyone that work life balance is a misnomer. It is more like a balancing act and I constantly juggle priorities from day to day. My kids are teenagers now and it easier. I rarely miss my kids events, but it happens. I chose early on to stay away from litigation because time management was easier in prosecution.

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Are you interested in hearing from equity partners only or also salary partners?

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I’m not an equity partner (yet, haha), but a salary partner (or how we call them: national partner). I “sacrificed” many weekends and many vacations. I’m not married and don’t have kids - this I do not attribute to my job, but to life choices in general. Sometimes you wonder though where you have to draw the line. Plus, there are obviously plenty of partners with family and kids to prove the opposite.

Now, having said this, it didn’t really feel like making sacrifices, because I enjoy my job, I love my clients and the work I do. So I didn’t and still don’t mind being in the office on a weekend every now and then.

I think the question what is a sacrifice and what is not depends on your attitude. You do not become partner without putting something in (unless one of your parents is a name partner or a big shot with a lot of leverage - not the preferable way to get there). You need to know what you want in life and then things others might consider a sacrifice might not necessarily be one for you.

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I used to do insurance defense litigation and I felt like it was not sustainable for me if I wanted to become a mom. I’m an estate planning attorney now and it feels like I don’t have to make the same sacrifices I was making before. I’m not dealing with court deadlines so If I need to leave work I can but then I might work from home at 10pm to make up for being gone during the day for an important family event.

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Your question is very open-ended. I don’t feel like I sacrificed much at all in terms of family and relationships, which I think is what the question intended. But it’s a matter of expectations. For example, when my wife gave birth to our second child, I was an associate in the middle of a big deal. I had to take care of our first child, shuttle back and forth to the hospital and modify documents at a time when technology didn’t make life easy for me. That was before the days of paternity leave which now many if not most firms have. Once I was a shareholder, I felt like I had much more flexibility - I coached kids in basketball and attended plays, and when my father was sick I was back and forth to visit him whenever I needed to (or wanted to). I suppose you could say I’m always on call, and I’ve taken my share of conference calls on vacation, but I also feel free to take time off when I can get it.
The biggest thing I’d say I gave up is the opportunity to do something else. Having practiced for over 30 years, I feel like I help others fulfill their dreams, which is very rewarding, but I always feel like I don’t get to have any dreams of my own. So if I had to say that I gave something up, that would be it.

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could any partners comment on when you were expected to have business? Was it a couple clients? Was it based on revenue? I imagine there’s a “line” where current partners start to notice that you have what it takes to make it to the next level.

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Good insight! Thank you!

I'm a name partner in my firm with two small kiddos. Unfortunately, I've had to sacrifice time with them on occasion to attend conferences (where potential clients will be), work late, etc. It is not easy and the days/weeks change depending on what is going on. It takes a lot of work and sometimes you just cant juggle all of it, but dont give up.

In terms of getting clients, network, network, network. (Often takes place in evenings or at conferences.) It also helps to have a personality and a sense of humor. Go to events where potential clients will be... not where other lawyers simply hang out.

Besides just putting yourself in the same place as the clients, what has been the biggest factors in actually getting their business? How do you sell to them? I assume it’s not all about likability.

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