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Rising Star
Hard when ya love em and care about their health and choices bro
Rising Star
It is difficult I think, but the core of OP is correct IMO. Ultimately they are adults and you are an adult too, and you can't do much to change their choices/life. At a certain point one must draw boundaries, and if you are unable to draw boundaries than you must learn to live with your situation.
Lol when I hear this I always think about what their parents must be thinking of them. I live with my parents and disagree with plenty but am aware my parents don’t require my more liberal leaning ideals for survival. Cant imagine my parents response if i told them I was tired of parenting them lol
Well I don’t think that’d be their response because I do pay my share (as do nearly all of my peers who live with their parents). Most people I know, including myself, are able to move out but have good relationships with our parents or for cultural reasons do not. My parents specifically response would likely be more to laugh at the ignorance of such an idea though.
And set boundaries.
Not everyone can just up and abandon their parents
I think it gets a little more complex when you have siblings. For the most part I don’t interact with my parents anymore - but in order to see my siblings (esp the younger ones) and have relationships with them, I have to put up with my parents over holidays. Coming from a very religious family, some of my siblings would cut me out as well if I completely cut off my parents.
The problem is that you call these “easy“ choices. These are really difficult choices. My most precious time of year is Thanksgiving and Christmas with my siblings at my parents.
I’d get fired before I would ever give up that time under any other circumstances.
Then perhaps you will visit them without being their parent.
Your options are to visit or not to visit. Your rationale is whether the pandemic is enough to prevent you from visiting.
Your options are not to parent or make your parents follow your rules.
My mom judges me because I and my husband don’t live up to some standard in her head. Then she influences my dads thinking about us.
We feel so constrained while they live with us due to covid. Because they don’t like us to argue or cut each other short in front of them - they want everything to be sweet and nice and imho, stupid. They think all arguments should be in the bedroom. We are too tired taking care of them, the kids and our home and our jobs by the time we get to bed! And who wants to debate and argue in bed.
It’s taken 30 years of hard won even keel in our marriage, for my husband and I to get as bonded as we are today, completely supportive and loyal to each other. Some of it is because we are mentally and emotionally equals, blunt, hotheaded and hard headed, and gritty with each other and with life.
We aren’t young and pretty and sweet and giddy with love, but we have each other’s back, have roughed and toughed it out as immigrants, and get each other at a fundamental level. Why can’t my parents see that?
They get grumpy as if we have insulted them. They always want everything to be quiet and peaceful. Even just banter and sarcasm between us is seen as undermining each other. And their take is influencing our kids too especially our son who too shoes from any confrontation and wants it all to be nice and sweet. Life and relationships are not always like that, I have tried explaining to him. A honest relationship is more valuable than a seemingly pretty one, I have told him.
Also my parents just spend all their time on iPad and tv, no exercise, no housework or offer to do anything. Not just now but even when they visited earlier. They keep to themselves, it’s their inherent introverted nature. I can’t say much in front of the kids about them or to them as the grand parents, but I wish they would engage more, at least with my college going kids.
However I also know if I do ask, they will present me with plenty of good reasons why they limit themselves. Not getting in our way, me being in charge ( or bossy, depends on their mood).etc.
I am not sure how to handle this since they may end up staying always with us, as they age and I am the only child. It’s not fair to my hubby or to them if they are not comfortable.
What should we do?