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Talk to your project officer
OP, completely agree with P1. Talk to HR immediately and only HR. You need this documented and timestamped for record keeping purposes, in case the guy turns on you in the future. Let HR know that you don't want to take any actions as of yet but call them back in 2-3 weeks if this persists.
OP-- Definitely talk to HR, and only HR as of now. No one from the project team at all, at least in the beginning.
To echo others talk to your project leadership start with your managers first. After discussing with them I would show them some of your messages. Be prepared to answer how he has your contact info. 2nd make sure he knows you don't appreciate and don't want to be sent those types of messages and welcome any discussions surrounding the project. As D3 said silence is viewed as compliance. If anyone has been around when these comments have been made to you in person pull them into the conversation with your leadership. It's upsets me as a male that's this bs happens, I wouldn't want this happening to my to workers. It's a workplace everyone should treat it as such and most importantly no one should feel in a uncomfortable position because of some else's actions. OP please say something to someone at your firm first and then decide if further action is warranted
Not okay. Talk to project leadership
Begin an audit trail documenting these actions with dates and who else observed them. I can tell you from experience that without evidence, if this thing escalates, you will be in a tough spot. I agree with others that you not only need to report this, in writing to HR but you need to also report it to a partner. Clients can be predators, they are after all just people with the same flaws. Protect yourself by documenting everything.
define unwanted advance? And advance my way is welcomed with open arms, so genuinely curious to know what it's like to not like to be desired.
@D1, physical compliments crossing the lines of professionalism, jokes about being my boyfriend, repeated unanswered messages then asking if I'm mad but saying the angry version of me is only reserved for him, etc. Getting chills as I describe.
Thank you D1 and P1, do you happen to know if HR would make a big deal out of it or more so advise what to do?
Yeah this is creepy and really not ok. Might be a tough conversation depending on your level but I'd try to talk to your manager about it so they at least know what is going on. If I was managing a project I wouldn't think my team member handled the situation well if the first people I heard about it from was our HR team. In my mind, ideally you'd be able to give him a few strong verbal pushbaks that made it clear you weren't interested (silence is compliance and he wont know it isn't welcome), then possibly your supervisor can talk to his supervisor (depending on relationship) about what to do. For all you know this isn't the first time he's done this and it may not come as a surprise.
Happy to help OP! I would assume not, and they absolutely should not, coz it wouldn't be fair to you at all! Also, do you guys have an ethics and compliance sort of team? We do have one, and that would be the go to team for these things.
Well, I meant HR/Ethics team of EY obviously, and not the client! But yes, OP- you would need to speak to the project team eventually, obviously, but I think it's nice to get some thoughts from HR/Ethics team at EY first, but make sure they don't speak to your project team before you do, and they'll understand that I guess.
Also, assuming the client doing this is not very senior, so should be pretty simple to indirectly convey to him that you do not appreciate his actions!
Besides what people have said, HR and project leader should know, you need to politely and quietly let the client know that you are very uncomfortable with his comments / jokes and would like to keep your relationship on a professional level. Be able to provide an example or two with a suggestion for how you'd like the future interactions to proceed. Practice with someone you trust a LOT so that it doesn't come across negatively.
OP, have you explicitly let the guy know that you're not interested? Many ways to do this:
- I am in a committed relationship
- I don't mix work and personal
- I am open to discussing the project but personal topics beyond that are off limits
- Your comments about my physical appearance make me uncomfortable and I would appreciate if you'd stop
- etc...
Just man handle. Kick him in the nuts
Talk to your People Consultant. Talk to your Engagement Partner. As soon as possible.