Coming from a family of crime (I'm clean, only minor charges) I find consulting to be incredibly judgemental. It's there anyone else that faces this? I hate to bring up my past, but it effects my life. I just don't know how to talk to these people

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Privilege runs deep in this industry. There’s unfortunately no way out of it. I just don’t tell people the stuff that will make them trust me less

likesmart

This. Really no one at work should be knowing anything deeper about your family. I have an ordinary family and even then I still keep it very vague and surface level with coworkers.

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Don't be a rat and snitch on family. Forget about it.

likefunny

SC1: 😉

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Recent IconRecent

You’re mad at consultants because we think that people who break the law are bad?

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S&1 you really need to watch OITNB and get some perspective.
For the rest I fully agree with SC1's well worded comment.

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Talk to a therapist, not your coworkers. I also struggle with family things - best to just keep quiet at work and vent to an outside source.

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It’s not about being receptive or not - it’s not your co workers’ business, and I’d argue they’re not there to be your support system either. I understand wanting to be close with them in some cases (we are humans after all!) but many of us want to just keep it professional at work and not go too deep personally.

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None of this information should be made available to your coworkers. Don’t bring it up. Even if you have court cases, appointments with lawyers, whatever, just say you have “an appointment.” Period, end of story. I don’t even tell my work I have “a doctors appointment” anymore. I simply say I have “an appointment.”

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How do you coworkers even know you have family that got in legal trouble? I'm sure it doesn't help if they already know, but, in short, I wouldn't tell them about your family, which should avoid most issues.

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I have therapy once a week and just say I have a standing appointment. No one asks questions.

Define minor charges

likefunny

It would be great to be able to be vulnerable with people and have relationships with the people you work with where you can talk about this kind of stuff and have trustworthy people who will listen and understand.

Consulting is by its nature a place where that's hard to find. We work on temporary teams and temporary projects at temporary clients. All of this lends toward having very superficial relationships where first impressions and conforming to professional standards are the norm.

Doesn't mean you can't form those relationships, but I've been a FT external consultant for about 2.5 years and I haven't yet formed any relationship with any one person that I would be comfortable sharing that kind of information with.

All of that being said, OP, your past mistakes don't define you. You have clearly turned some things around in your life in a big way - all the more impressive given your family history. That's hard to overcome and you should be very proud of what you have accomplished.

likesmarthelpful

How are you not at McKinsey where your skills can be best leveraged?

likefunny

Hey, cut it out. Not everything is a joke.

likehelpfulfunny

OP:. All the advice here to keep your personal life to yourself is absolutely spot-on. Don't give your peers a reason to unfairly disqualify you in any sense. Frankly, it's none of their business and you want to maintain a professional veneer

likesmart

Next time just say you've got some legal stuff to take care of and leave it at that if people are nosy and asking for why you are out. It's hopefully sufficiently ague while somewhat accurate as well

You don't really owe them an explanation. You aren't at fault for your family's mistakes either. It's just unfortunate that people view it this way.

In case people dig further, answer a question with a question till they get the hint.

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Your softass coworkers just scurred. Tell ‘em next time they scurred they should go to church instead of judging you.

likefunny

Don't SHARE in the workplace.

It is an entirely unreasonable risk to take and irresponsible.

Use your friend for this.

You can't know whether people understand, they most likely won't even if they say they do.

You can't control the story or the narrative when it's shared further which it will.

If you are worried about background checks and THAT'S why you want to share it; stick to it with HR. Not the rest.

And since you've already crossed that bridge; don't make it worse. Keep it to yourself, downplay it or get a grip.

You are sabotaging yourself for what you perceive it hope for empathy to your story or upbringing something you should not be seeking in the workplace.

Yes to genuine connections at work - but the degree if intimacy and secrets shared this ain't it.

helpfullike

Ok, I’ll be that guy. What crimes are we talking about?

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Why do you have to show up to the court hearings? It sounds like you’re not involved

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It’s horrible to be judged for family. You made it out when the odds were against you so congrats. I grew up in poverty (luckily no crime though) so somewhat understand your struggle, to an extent.

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All depends, if your dad was a Madoff type, and to that extent, well then one kid took the noble route and you may want to look into some remote island or afterlife whichever, if on the other hand they’re part of a major mafia family, you should run for Congress, you could be like Pelosi and be Speaker one day. Something in between perhaps? Well, look at Dan Bilzerian for inspiration, I would trade my job for that guys life any day, yea he blows through a few hundred mill in stolen money, but nobody cares. Assuming white collar crime, some money had to land offshore, find the current iteration of Mossak Fonseca for cover, start investing in crypto and don’t have a shitty job with a boss, in 10 years so much water will be under the bridge, your money will engulf you in respectability that everyone else will be sucking at your kneecaps to get a piece. Eastern Europe Oligarchs anyone? But I digress..

funny

Help them understand that if they give you grief you will make them an offer they can’t refuse or help them swim with the fishes. Fear can be effective…

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likefunny

lol what the hell going on

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I grew up in a trailer park OP. My coworkers have no idea and they will continue to have no idea.
We’re all “friends” but I know where the line is drawn.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced judgement.
You’re right, it’s not fair. Don’t make the mistake in sharing that type of info and you’ll be fine.

likehelpful

Is this your family?

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funny

Most people are judgmental hence I don’t tell my business lol

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