Considering leaving my long term partner. I’m 26 and we’ve been together + living together since college. I love him and think he may be “the one” but equally feel I need a year or two of being

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You just have to be okay with not having him when you’ve finished discovering yourself.

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If you love him, I don't understand why you couldn't just tackle life with him? Isn't that what a partner is for? I'm only saying this because you may find that a year or two on your own is boring and not worth it, especially when you could have spent those two years adventuring with someone you love.

Just my two cents.

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I did as well and concluded in retrospect that I didn’t love him in a real way. Each person is different but maybe if it was real deep love you would want to explore and grow together, and he would feel like a catalyst, not a barrier.

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Yep, except I I was a bit younger (age 14-22). Loved him dearly and all but couldn’t reconcile living the rest of my life with the one boy I met so young. I left him because I wanted to see and explore the world that was out there. He was sweet and loving and all and to be frank, haven’t found his “equivalent” but still, best decision ever. No regrets. But I also don’t believe in “the one”. Can we really be everything forever to one person?

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@D3 - I’ve been married for almost 30 years and my statement about not being able to be everything to one person by no means implies an open marriage or a series of outside relationships. It simply means that one person cannot possibly fill every need you have or be responsible for your happiness My husband and I are monogamous and committed to our marriage. But we still have very strong sense of selves within the context of our marriage. We have both mutual and separate dreams/goals and friends. And he can’t MAKE me happy. Only I can do that for myself.

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completely on my own to know myself better and know what I want out of life. Has anyone gone through something similar?

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So it’s odd that you say he could be the one but you still think you want to break up as it implies some doubt that he holds you back, he is not exactly what you are looking for in a life partner, or there is some other long-term incompatibility. Those are good reasons to leave and take more time to figure out what you need and meet other people.

On the other hands if you just think you *should* be a certain age or have dated X people before settling down, that would not really be a good reason. If there’s something specific you want to do for personal/professional growth like travel the world or work on an offshore oil rig for a year that requires you to do it alone, that’s also different and may or may not be a good reason to split up.

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Is there some reason you don’t feel like you can do that kind of self exploration while you’re with him? I’m in a similar boat, but am coming to the conclusion that these things aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive...

E.g. after graduation I took 3 months to travel completely on my own. Still was able to get that experience, but also had the benefit of having someone familiar to check in with every week or so.

That being said, it takes the right kind of relationship to make that work. So maybe it’s not a question of being in a relationship at all, but being in the right kind of relationship? Maybe with this person, maybe not.

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If you crave alone time significantly more than you crave being with your SO than I say that it’s a sign this is an itch that you need to scratch. Otherwise, you’ll always be in this relationship with just one foot in wondering “what if?” and that’s not fair to your SO. You just have to understand they may not be there when you’re done exploring and that you’ll inflict some pain on your SO during the breakup. But neither of those should be showstoppers if this is what you feel you must do!

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I just moved out after 4 years at 26 !
We were having other issues and it just felt like the relationship was stagnate.
Being alone has been amazing. It’ll be scary at first and difficult but try it because in 6 months you’ll have started a new adventure and found new hobbies, met new ppl and just getting to an all around better place.
Highly recommend moving on

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Only thing I would caution is... was the guy more responsible (through codependency, pressure, guilt trips) for the loss of hobbies/friendships or was that something you drifted away from maybe unconsciously? If the former then definitely not a good situation or bf and you should get out, but if the latter, then it’s more about you learning to balance various aspects of your life. You don’t want to get into another situation where you feel like your life is too much of one thing and not enough of another, and be swinging between extremes that make you unhappy.

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Yeah, you need to grow on your own.

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Yup- and it was an open conversation to take time to myself since always attached. I set out for a year off, traveling crazy... both of us had our “fun” and He waited (had his fun too) and we’re now married.

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