Considering seeing any LGBT-focused therapist but wanted to see if anyone else connects with this way of thinking: I’m bisexual but out to most of my friends/family as gay, (to be continued...)

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A friend of mine is in a similar boat with his boyfriend. I highly recommend you see a therapist. I started seeing one last year and it definitely helped me, especially navigating how my past life circumstances may manifest into a defense mechanism while pursuing a relationship. If you’re in NYC, happy to recommend names!

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I am NYC, that’d be great

Everyone should do therapy, especially LGBT people considering all the pressures we're dealing with in society.

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Highly recommend looking around for a therapists who either specialize in LGBT issue and/or define themselves publicly as LGBT. Don’t just stop with the first profile you see — shop around and meet with them to see if you connect. You may not connect with every therapist and that’s ok. Check with your insurance plan to see what’s covered and how often, etc. Also - when you interact with a therapist, find out their style — do they (a) let you do all the talking and they might say some neutral statement once every twenty minutes or (b) is their style to interact with you, like a conversation ? I’ve personally dealt with both — I *hated* (a) and got no value out of it. Today I have a therapist whose style is (b) and it’s been extremely helpful and valuable. He’s also very good about scheduling knowing what our jobs entail and travel. The biggest challenges you’ll find are scheduling and finding the right fit. Once you nail those down, you’ll be able to address some of the issues mentioned in your post. Hopefully you’re in a big city which makes finding someone much easier. Good luck!

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I want to pursue a relationship with a man (I’m a guy) but it’s hard for me to develop one. I’ve gone on dates with different people and usually after 1-2 I find myself just seeing the physical flaws or off putting aspects of personalities and lose my attraction to them. Sometimes I think it’s warranted but I also recognize it’s a pattern where as soon as I recognize a path of potentially getting close to someone or taking them seriously as someone I’d date instead of just hookup with randomly, I become unattracted to them. I’ve questioned whether I’m just not finding my right physical type but I feel like it’s more than that. Has anyone else experienced something similar, or have any idea what might be going on?

I think it’s difficult for me to see a man and consider a long term life together that we share publicly (I’m out but have never been in a relationship period, so I understand the first one will be highly visible to friends/family, which I probably shouldn’t put pressure on but it is there). I am out but I think my historic relationships with men have been strictly sexual.

Let me take a guess, you are a top and had sex with women before, questioning if you should have a girlfriend but always just attractive to men. However, you find it very very hard to imagine being in a relationship with a flawed man.

My take is you have a high standard for who you will be with. It’s very hard to find someone meet all you standards. You are a perfectionist. You would more likely to be with someone more successful than you who has a lot of good qualities you can learn from.

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