Covid has been hard. March 2029- December 2020 I drank a lot to cope without realizing it. January- March I didn't realize I was depressed. March I came to terms with increase and ongoing suicidal ideation and needed help.

I went into a intensive outpatient program (IOP) which has been super helpful.

During the beginning of covid I drank every day and in a great deal. January it was a "dry" month which was hard the first week but overall great.

March 2021 realized I'm clinically depressed.

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I'm seeking help with classes and therapy with talkspace and Kaiser therapy.

I feel covid was a all time low with constant drinking for 9 months. Now I'm "better" that I don't drink as often nearly as much but when I do it's hard to stop.

It's been easier to stop with my reevaluating my friends and their values.

I love my husband so so so so much. I feel that not drinking is the answer. When I used to drink to much it was due to being unhappy but now I'm happy. And if I'm unhappy feel I can adjust and address

Anyone else feel this way?

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Hi, welcome, and thank you for your post. 🙏 You’re definitely not alone.

Covid has not been easy on anyone, and the situation was/is truly unique. For starters, forgive yourself and know that you took all the right steps when it comes to getting care for yourself. Not everyone was able to reach out for help, and those folks continue to suffer, and some paid the ultimate price.

The effects of stress, isolation, alcohol, possible addiction, and the heavy dark fog of depression become a swirly, uncomfortable and often painful mess.

I’m in recovery for alcohol (AA changed my life), and I firmly believed [past tense] that I had chronic anxiety and depression both while I was still drinking and in early recovery. I look at old journal entries and it kind of scares me.

I’m happy to report that by staying sober (through AA; I could never do it on my own), a little bit of therapy, and using the AA fellowship I’ve come out the other side. For me, this was without medication, but every person, every mind, and every situation is unique, so work with a doctor/therapist to find the best solution for you.

Be patient with yourself, and work on identifying your pattern of behaviors. If you start drinking, do you find you sometimes can’t stop and you’ll drink to excess? Are there times that you don’t want to drink or know you shouldn’t, yet somehow the wine bottle magically becomes uncorked and you’re all the sudden drinking? These can be the subtle signs of alcoholism that easily get dismissed, especially when we have some false concept of what an alcoholic looks like in our mind (the smelly, dirty, unshaven guy under the bridge or behind the dumpster with the liquor bottle wrapped in a wrinkled paper bag…). I was a well-dressed, professional business man with a six figure salary, and I was binge drinking myself into oblivion almost every single weekend. An alcoholic looks like everybody and anybody.

The important thing is to keep working on your own recovery until you find what works for you, and to have an open mind when it comes to paths to sobriety.

Stay strong and don’t hesitate to keep posting questions!

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