Crazy.... former colleague was closeted, then came out, and then went back into the closet/went through conversion therapy.

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For my first job out of college, I worked in banking. One day, our group of analysts went to dinner with a few senior MDs. One of the MDs talked about his struggle on Wall St being closeted early on, and how coming out was a liberating and empowering thing for him, and how the world had really changed. We noticed one of our guys (lets call him Nikhil) starting to cry... poor guy poured his heart out. Said he always knew he was gay but he came from a strict traditional Indian family and his parents would disown him if they ever found out, and what’s more, they were at that moment trying to arrange a marriage for him.

We all told Nikhil we’d stand behind him no matter what, and we all had his back. The MD said he would personally take Nikhil under his wing. About a year later, Nikhil was “out” (at least at work) and seemed happy. I went to business school and we lost touch for several years.

Last week, I walked into a restaurant... and ran into Nikhil, and his wife, and his two children. He introduced me to his wife (who was from India) and said he was a happily married man. But there was a bit of an edge in his voice and his eyes said everything. I was super gracious, polite, shook hands all around, and then quickly excused myself.

WTF.

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This is sad.

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I am not gonna say ANYTHING, but WTF...

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That’s insane.. poor guy. I’m from a similar ethnic background and can say the cultural/societal pressure is HEAVY. Can’t imagine how it is for him. I’m a hetero male and have dealt with enough just wanting to live a normal life (not be a doctor, not marry an Indian girl, etc).

Before I get attacked. This is NOT how every Indian family operates by any means. It’s a spectrum (no pun intended). There’s some that are way more conservative, some moderate, and some that don’t care at all.

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Wishing there was a sad/angry reaction. This is f*ed up and wish people didn’t have to live that way but... at the end of the day it’s his choice how to live his life. I feel very sorry for him, but also free will - he could live authentically if he really wanted to.

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I’m struggled to feel bad for Nikhil. He made a selfish choice. He could choose to stay single until his family is not around or focus on getting his career and become financially stable enough to prove to his family that he is ok with or without anyone around. Choosing this route, even if it’s not an easy route, makes me questioned his ability to stand on his feet.

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Oh geez

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