{ "media_type": "image", "post_content": "Curious to hear the feminine perspective on this post. Someone mentioned using seeking.com presumably for the more traditional sugar daddy/baby dynamic. But several other commenters said they use it do regular dating, and that many women on there are using it to filter to successful/financially stable men for ltr. Do any women here actually do this and if so has it been worthwhile? I’m tired of Bumble/Hinge but I don’t know if this is a good step or not? Or are there other dating websites you’d recommend https://joinfishbowl.com/post_h1fxsshrrt", "post_id": "614381acfa1fe20029ead523", "reply_count": 5, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }
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Here’s what I honestly think about things like this: if you are looking for a relationship with more “conventional” norms, this may be a good option for you. By this, I mean a man who wants to be the provider, who expects his career to come first, who expects the woman to primarily take care of home and children. There are pros and cons to these types of relationships, just as there are to what I would call a more “modern” partnership where all these things need to be navigated and negotiated independently of eachother. Something I see in this bowl a lot and a decent amount on the singles bowl is real delusion about the trade offs that different relationship models bring - on both sides. There are positives to the male high earning breadwinner/female homemaker or lower importance and time commitment career model, to me the largest being clear expectations on each persons role and typically easier navigation of a lot of day to day issues. Another is typically a sense of validation and confidence, because our partner and our relationship validate us in ways we have been societally trained to want validation through. For me, these pros are not worth it but I do understand the appeal. I would not use a site like seeking arrangements because it appeals to a man who wants to be a traditional man with a traditional relationship. In my own marriage, we have to spend a ton of time and energy navigating our roles and expectations on everything from laundry, to who initiates sex, to who is going to chose dinner, to who is going to take the day off to deal with the repair man, to who’s job we are going to prioritize with living location, and who’s paying for dinner. It’s work, and for me it’s worth it to chart my own course with my partner and not have any pre-made expectations of me, of him, or of what our marriage will be about or be like. But, it is not for everyone and I think there is a lack of acknowledgment of how poorly a lot of people do charting their own relationship course, how the lack of new models to follow damages progress, and that that is why a lot of people are drawn to traditional pairings - and maybe that’s ok! But it means you are giving up a lot, and the middle ground again has to be negotiated independently and a lot of people have a lot of baggage under the surface of their psyche about what they expect from their partner that can make these negotiations very challenging.

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I actually think my life would be demonstrably easier if I had chosen to marry the right man with a traditional view of relationships. I think there a lot I could lean into in a traditional wife/mom role and really excel at and enjoy, and my relationship would probably be simpler. I would probably have less existential dread because at the end of the day, doing things for my friends, family, and community makes me feel good and fulfilled in ways my job very very rarely does. I cannot possibly think negatively of folks who chose this route, and sometimes I’m envious! But I do think it often results in a lack of autonomy and decision making authority for the women, which again for some people (and even more me sometimes!) would be nice! I’ve been hyper independent and have long been a commitmentphobe with a attraction to androgynous weirdos and a strong aversion to most classic alpha men. The people who make me feel most at home in myself are non traditional, and the challenge of navigating a unique course for my marriage is something I find more engaging and fulfilling than most things. I honestly think this is a harder, much less sure path. But I chafe wayyy too much at the idea of my job not coming second, of my role being more fixed, of my marriage having more set expectations. I need the fluidity and availability of change to feel safe, fulfilled, engaged. But that’s me! It’s not everyone and it’s good to acknowledge it.

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I’m so curious now, but I’m a curvy girl and get self conscious with dating ....I am working on slimming down. I’m not morbidly obese but I’m definitely not a size 6

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