Dating advice for consultants??? I’m in my 30s and want to be in a relationship, but I’m either traveling or working too much to invest the time in getting anywhere past a first or second date from the apps.

Probably not what you want to hear but be careful about the whole “wanting to be in a relationship.” Don’t settle with someone you aren’t compatible with just for the sake of being in one

Utilise your consulting skills!

I was in my late 20s/early 30s and had the same issue (travelling every week and only home on weekends).

I approached it like I do with work interviews:
- I used dating apps to screen folks and get them to first date within the shortest time possible (had clear idea of what I was looking for and arranged in-person dates asap to get a sense of whether we click in-person).
- on the weekends I was home, I scheduled dates back to back - for a typical Sat/Sunday, would schedule 3-4 dates per weekend and basically treat it like first round interviews. I had clear criteria in terms of what things I valued (career, family, travel, etc) and basically covered those during my dates. I got very good at small talk - which helps in my client relationships at work 😂
- those that didn’t make it through the first round, I politely told them we didn’t vibe and wished them the best of luck. Those that did - I scheduled a follow up date the following week.

Did this for about 3-4 months; went through prob 30-40 folks, of which only 3-4 passed to the second round and only 1 made it passed the 3rd date.

We’ve now been married 6 years with a toddler and a second baby on the way.

Sounds kinda crazy, but as my husband says - if your crazy matches mine, why not? ;-)

To be clear though - I wasn’t looking for the so-called perfect match; just a guy that had similar values and willing to match / complement my hectic lifestyle. I just took drastic steps to cut out all the usual dating BS and got right to the point. Folks that got scared off weren’t for me, and I was fine with that.

He’s turned out better than I even hoped for - he’s an amazing father to our kids and a super supportive husband that’s my greatest sounding board and cheerleader. I’m more career focused, he’s more laidback and helps me enjoy life along the way.

If you’re serious you might need to exit consulting, or find another consultant, which as another person said, could be a coworker

Quit consulting and choose a good regular job in a decent city that pays well. Aside from the $$, materialistic glitz, and self-serving prestige of being a consultant at a prime company, tenured consulting is a bottomless pit of misery and loneliness that hits hard in mid to late 30s, often when it is already late in life to enjoy the good things, that includes finding great partners. Godspeed!

For me, it didn’t happen until I was more rigid about boundaries. I was prepared at the time to accept slower career growth and move off fastest track. Turns out, stayed on same track.

It was a lot more “do I really need to do that (right now)”, a lot more letting go of the need for perfection, and getting comfortable with things going out that were less than immaculate. More often calling it a night when there was a lot of things left to do. As it turns out, all those times you stay up super late, many of them are at lower productivity levels and many of the hours go into tasks that end up not mattering much. I’ve had very few scenarios where I called it a night earlier than I would have previously in my career and looked back in regret the next day.

Honestly, you just have to experiment with this stuff and find out what works for you. For me, I had made enough money and climbed high enough on ladder that I was OK if I got out counseled or delayed my career. That freedom to explore what saying “no” more often really showed me that where I thought the line was of how hard I needed to work was very different from where it really was.

I will caveat all this by saying it also helped that I had built a very strong brand and had honed consulting toolkit considerably- so was able to really deliver in a crunch. Not sure the above wouldn’t have altered my career trajectory if done within first 2-3 years in consulting. I do think there is something to 3-4 years of true heads down grinding that sets you up to take your foot off the gas a bit later without setting you back career wise.

feeling the same way

I think you got lots of good advice here. My thoughts are 1) make it a priority 2) realize something has to give 3) on both ends of the equation (work and partner) - Good is good enough.

Where’s the consulting dating bowl 😅

If you’re in the New York office, Goldman is next door and so is Equinox. Enjoy

M or F?

Is there a way you can 1) get onto a different project that doesn’t require as much travel, 2) consider dating one of your colleagues or meet other consultants with similar travel lifestyle, 3) reconnect with old friends and maybe even old flames, 4) connect more with current friends and even take on their referrals for their friends, and/or 5) join singles adventures and activities, clubs, and church singles adult groups?

Dating is seriously a part time job in itself, especially if you're picky and need to go on a lot of dates, and realistically that time isn't going to come from nowhere---something's going to have to give. It's up to you whether finding someone or work is going to take top priority. What about changing to a different job for a few years?

Shifting to internal consulting at a large company provides a bit more work life balance in my experience.

Network, network, network!

Are there any volunteer/ community building things you could get involved in through your work? It might help you broaden your circle without cutting into your weekends too much. Would also suggest asking your friends if they know anyone great they could introduce you to. Helps that they come pre-vetted, and that you already have some things in common

If you're a consultant in your mid 30s at McKinsey, you already know the answer to your own question here.

There's no secret tip or trick to trying to "date" in a low WLB career. You either change your perspective on what you need to be fulfilled and how you saw your life going, or you change your work to develop better WLB (set boundaries, find less demanding projects to work on, take an industry role, work for a second or third tier consultancy, etc.).

Also, if you choose the former, freeze your eggs just in case you change your mind in 10 years.

Let’s go on a date :)

In all sincerity: physicians will typically work similar hours/hectic schedule, especially if they’re still in residency or fellowship. Double edged sword if their free time is opposite yours, but if it lines up (which hours typically do unless they’re on nights) you’re golden because they understand working long and unconventional hours.

Are key parties really coming back in fashion in NYC, heard they’re popping up lately.