Dating as a successful woman. This is no news, but I feel like the dating pool just keeps shrinking on me. I have been ghosted many times just because of my job. Now, I try not to bring it up until -1

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When I online dated, I made a joke out of it (now few yrs into a relationship with the best of those online men)

i.e. HIM: So what do you do?
ME: Im a business consultant; I essentially try to understand stuff I know nothing about and tell people how to fix that same stuff. How about you?
-or-
ME: My company gets paid to find peoples problems, tell them about it and then ask if they want to pay my company more to fix it.

Obviously im not that funny, but if they thought im cute enough, most of them would laugh and wed switch topics to hobbies (i get bored talking about work)

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Love the 2nd description 😂

I’ll tell a guy’s perspective. My brother is on the dating app. He is a doctor. The other day, a girl he matched told him she was a cloud developer. He sent me a text and asked what is a cloud developer. I asked him for some background and he told me about the girl he was chatting with and how he felt uncomfortable asking her what exactly it means. Honestly, both his and my first reaction was that it was lame for her to say that. She could have just said it at a high level, she was a programmer or worked in IT or something more generic and left the low level detail for later. I remember when I was dating, I would only say I worked in IT. If anyone would be interested to know more, they would just ask. 🤷‍♀️
Not a lot of people outside of the consulting world understand what a consultant does. The highest chance of clicking with someone at that level of conversation is with another consultant, IMO 😆

likeupliftinghelpful

IMO, it’s sad that we expect people to simplify/ dilute things so as not to hurt feelings, rather than just raise our expectations for people to be okay with not knowing everything and seek to understand/ learn.

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All of this. Met my boyfriend on The League. Men who are turned off by these things don’t use that app- it really helped me screen for this issue and I met a man who was only willing to date successful women, problem solved!

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D1 - I just dont think you get the point.

likefunny

I felt this.. convo gets weird when I say what I do however it usually continues.. things dont usually get to the ghost stage until they walk me to my car lmao.. the unwarranted intimidation is so tired

likefunny

*only if he asks lol
but in all honesty i don’t think a guy wants to feel like he’s gotta compete with his lady even if it’s unfounded and you’ve done nothing to allude to that there naturally might be the insecurity and that’s life.

I think wealthy men may have the same fears when it comes to meeting women & scoping for gold diggers 🤷‍♀️

OP, I'm shook at people's reactions here. Please, dont ever dumb yourself down. One day, you'll find someome who is amazed by your accomplishments and the great work you do and it'll be the best feeling in the world. He would ask questions about it, read about it, brag about you to his friends. Like a personal cheerleader, even though he has his own work too. Keep going. I've been there before.

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Are you sure they're all intimidated rather than simply bored? Because I get bored pretty quickly with a guy who talks too much about his job. I give my career 1-2 sentences tops when conversing on dating apps and then move on to more interesting things.

likehelpful

I think after a certain number of times this coincides, you get the feeling it is your job. One guy talked all about his amazing travel job and entertainment job before asking me what I did. All I said was “oh that sounds so cool! And I work in tech. Not as fun as your job but it’s been a wild ride so far haha”. No response.

One guy told me he is a financial analyst at one of my clients. I said “oh no way, I work in consulting and work in that building sometimes”. No response.

Another time I matched with a chef and asked many questions about his job as food travel is one of my hobbies. When the turn was mine, I said “I work in tech” he said “what like coding?” which I replied to with “well not quite, I basically help companies adapt new technologies and design what that looks like” no response.

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I’ve found dating men within the same economic sphere are more supportive of my career. My current long term SO is also in consulting and my previous was a plastic surgeon so it was easier for them to understand my long hours.

likehelpful

Girl, of a guy/girl gets intimidated by your success it’s clear for me that he/she doesn’t deserve to be in your life in the first place...aim high, you deserve better!

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Oh babe, I totally get it. However, you don’t want to date a total loser, do you? The dating market is not full of overachievers, and of course some people will be intimated by your success because their life is lame. Where are you currently based? If you are considering apps, like another friend mentioned here, the league is a good option. There you can find the highest concentration of overachievers that are not going to be intimidated by your job.

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Some call it elitist, but it really made a difference to my dating life 🤷🏻‍♀️

likesmart

Exactly. It helped me not date people who were intimidated by me which unfortunately happened on all the other dating apps...sucks that men are like that but that was the reality I found in the dating market

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This reminds me of the time when I dated this guy for two years (biggest mistake ever) and he was unemployed with a GED until I created a resume for him and got him a job as a barista, then eventually as a shipping clerk at a manufacturing company. He never understood what I did but always though that my job was “easy” and that anyone could do it/I shouldn’t get paid the amount that I get paid to do it. At the same time, it wasn’t like he ever wanted to learn or grow himself to become better. All he would do was stay at home and play online video games, drink and smoke all day. Mind you, he was unemployed the first few months of us meeting and wasn’t making much once he did get a job, so I paid for rent, food expenses, etc. It was pathetic to the point where I would have to give him money to buy semi nice clothes for interviews and I paid for repairs when he crashed my car. I even took him out for a nice dinner on his birthday but the same night we got into a fight and then he would say that he never asked for me to help him or give me stuff so it’s my fault for doing so. He always belittled me and resented me especially during my weekly work from home days (pre-COVID) because he thought it was unfair that he wasn’t able to work from home (not sure how he would as either a barista or shipping clerk because those are face-to-face customer service jobs...) 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m not the type of person who just takes things over time so talking back and trying to fend for myself didn’t work out either since he would just say that I had the silver spoon or something. Anyways, long story short, ended up dating one of my coworkers in consulting after finally escaping from/breaking up with my ex (I caught him trying to cheat on me by accidentally seeing a text he received from a girl he was trying to meet up with for a night and he had the excuse that it was just an “ego boost” and that he wasn’t actually going to do it) and life has never been better. He understands utilization, travel, the occasional ridiculousness of client demands, thirst of seeking knowledge, etc.

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Had never heard of this app before! I got ghosted last night after talking to him for a week, incl sat. Last message from him said call you in the evening and then he blocked me😁

likefunny

You’re really making this hard for yourself. You don’t have to do a deep dive into what your job is. Keep it high level. Less is more. For instance I work in cyber. If people ask I say cyber. Consultant isn’t what I went to school for. I did cyber before I even became a consultant. No one needs to know the company you work for unless they ask.

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Ok you would be kidding yourself if you think “cyber” is more broadly understood compared to “consulting”. I would say I am keeping it more generic than you. Also it’s not “boom no questions”. They generally do have follow up questions such as what kind of consulting, where do I work, what type of technologies . I am not sure if our experience is comparable here, you are talking about you and your husband where as the rest of us are talking about mostly online dating. You have made 3-4 comments so far and sorry to say but I find them a bit offensive.

likefunny

Is everyone telling me not to talk about my job missing the part where I said “I try to not talk about it” on my post? Ladies, me telling them what my job is when asked is not the problem here. It is that it’s extremely double standards for women. Men put their job titles in finance/consulting/engineering on their profiles for crying out loud.

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Talk about hour job YOU EARNED THAT.

smartfunny

These are some dumb guys you’re interacting with then, cuz who doesn’t want a sugamama? If they reject you because they’re intimidated then they probably have small penises so you don’t need that either :p

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Ugh, egos.

Post-covid, are there 1-2 philanthropic organizations that you feel passionate about in your area? Those groups typically have 2-3 major events or fundraisers or volunteer opportunities throughout the year; maybe there’s an opportunity for you to start attending and meeting people who are likeminded? Given that there’s a charitable angle as well, you might have a better chance of meeting men who might be more open to having a power player SO too

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Yes, I really like that idea!! I find that my success rates with men are better in person.

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After ending my engagement and taking a break I decided to try dating other consultants. I’m virtually dating someone now who works at McKinsey and it’s going well. We definitely “get” one another and understand the work, demands, and travel (pre-COVID). Fingers crossed!

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Aww, thanks OP! Good luck to you as well! For reference, I met him on here. 😬

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OP have you tried adjusting the type of men you are chatting with? I have had the same thing happen a bunch and I agree it sucks. What helped me is adjusting the types of men I talk to on apps and went out with. I focused more on just if guys asked interesting questions, had thoughtful replies, was well traveled etc. But also expanded outside who was my normal “type” maybe they weren’t as attractive, made less, shorter, etc. Not saying you have to settle but maybe you will end up happier with someone you weren’t giving a chance.

helpful

I know, what I am saying is I had to give different guys a chance who I normally wouldn’t and then they weren’t put off by my profession, house, etc the ways others were.

helpful

Later in to the whole texting phase and maybe until the first or second date. And I am tired of it. Some examples of it below:

Could be they take issue with it, but would you want to be with someone who has such an inferiority complex anyway???

https://youtu.be/GzORUkVZY80

Hence why I have no issue being single and not being able to "find" someone.

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