Desi Fam,

I suffer from depression and anxiety. Been facing it through past year now. Have tried all natural methods but no success. Also pandemic hasn’t made it easier as well.

Lot of pressure from family to get married but with my state of mind, not so much inclined. (M29).

Family thinks it good to move back to india and try afresh but the prospect of not been able to get good salary job/ and sabotaging a career that I made gives me more anxiety.

I’m saying this to you as an elder sister who suffers from this miserably and doesn’t have the option of a healthy family to go back to in life. Either stay here and take actual medication and go to therapy and create a supportive network of friends you see regularly face to face or go back to India.

You may not see it right now but you are probably not functioning at 100% ability. When you look back in a decade you will see that staying here undertreated in this state is what is sabotaging your career. I know people can stay single happily, but depressed people are not typically part of that club.

Happiness creates success.

OP ignore pressure to get married:) please take medicines. You will not believe how you will feel. It will help you feel better which you can use as interim support pull yourself up and stop medicines all with doctors guidance. I don't recommended using medicines for too long. Or do something drastic. Like take a sabbatical. Be around people who make you feel more in control. I feel if you go home and they bother you about wedding it will be a downward spiral.

Don't suffer just to keep up the facade of non-medication.

I started depression meds two months ago and it made a huge difference on day one. Not all depression meds are stimulants (you CANT get dependant on or addicted to them). Work closely with your psychiatrist to monitor progress. I am on the meds for another 4 months and then will wean off with my doc.

As much as I appreciate people here trying to be helpful, depression is a medical condition that cannot be wished away by forcing happy thoughts or dabbling in substance 🌿 abuse. Please seek the help of a qualified professional - I wish I knew this two years ago and didn't waste the time. Fwiw I'm exactly your age.

Think of medication as eye glasses. They just help you live a normal life. The only difference is you don't have to take meds forever.

There's a depression/anxiety bowl on this app that is very helpful. Also get diagnosed for underlying issues that could be causing this. I can't repeat this enough but this isn't a phase, it's just a simple medical issue.

DM if you have questions. Wishing you happy days ahead irrespective of which path you choose 🙂

OP - Do you live alone? And do you happen to know what factors trigger the depression or anxiety?

I ask because I’m single, and the lack of human interaction this past year (because of COVID) got me feeling low too. Humans weren’t meant to live in isolation. Kinda why in prison, solitary confinement is the worst kind of punishment.

Since you said you’d been feeling it since this past year, thought I’d ask. But you also said “CoVid hasn’t helped”, so perhaps there are other reasons in your case?

Either way, I think there are two things that will help.
1) Somebody to talk to - both friends; and a therapist (I know this isn’t easy for us; and it takes time for it to start feeling beneficial). Having people who care, ostensibly, and check in, goes a long way. And they can’t do that unless they know.
2) Finding the right tools (eg meditation, physical activities, pets) and/or meditation for you. And sometimes fake it till you make it works. I’m talking funny dog videos and stuff. There are legit scientific papers that at the end of the day, fake vs real happiness triggers have similar effects on the human body

Just know that you are not alone. I for your community doesn’t talk about it as openly (although it is getting better). But many of us go through similar stuff. And the more we share, the more can normalize this and support each other ❤️

Keep aside all the softer elements mentioned - give serious thought to medications despite being scared of it. Medical Science knows your body a bit better at times.

Don’t be scared of medication. Small dosage of Lexapro can do wonders with no side effects. Do try it out.

1. What works with me when i am stressed/ anxious - talk it out, with myself first and most times it gets sorted there, but if it doesn’t then I will talk to family/ friends (luckily I have great relationships)
2. Regular physical exercises- join a gym, health class or anything but it has to be in person. There are many places which are operating per CDC covid guidelines and it is safe to try them out (plus you will take precautions like everyone else in the room). Cannot stress enough that even if you see and work around people and have 1-2 mins of conversation it can change your mood drastically.
If you are worried to do group classes, start jogging.
3. Meditation - of course this is the ultimate, but we just can’t meditate. Keep trying and meditate on yourself.
4. Meet people - if you are in NJ area I will be happy to connect
5. Force happy thoughts - like some folks said, fake it till you make it

You thinking about this is itself a proof that you want to feel better, always let that feeling make you feel good.

Marriage adds more pressure

I know this is so taboo in our culture but antidepressants along with therapy has been a game changer for me. I’m 27 female and getting the pressure as well.

Please dont be scared of medication. It literally changed my life and now I can think more clearly! Also change your therapist may be?

My brother message me and I will happy to talk to you. Write down everything that is making you feel depressed and let’s start tackling things one by one. Sometimes we think about things which are not in our control. Acceptance is the key. Please message me and we can talk on phone. If you are based out of Atlanta I will be happy to meet you as well. Life is beautiful ...don’t spend it brooding over some things....

In the same boat, trying to cope with this. Message me, maybe we share a few thoughts!

Get help ASAP! I did and i feel better due to it.
Go the whole way therapist and psychiatrist (if needed).

Therapy has not helpled me so far and extremely scared of taking medication.

What do other games think ? Just leave every thing and go back home. Maybe that will help?

Hey! Say ‘NO’ if it’s not bringing you joy. Don’t try to please anyone. If you don’t wanna get married, make it clear that you don’t want. Don’t worry about what your parents think. Probably you build up a lot of things in your head that causing you the anxiety. Let it out and enjoy your beautiful life! 😊👍

MJ

Well, it appears like you need to figure out why you don’t want to get married. Is there a career goal you’re still waiting to achieve? Are you in love? Or is it just your aversion for arranged marriage? Still waiting to meet the one? Whatever it is, no point in trying to convince your parents or anyone else if you aren’t sure about what you want. Find out what’s really keeping you unhappy. And trust me, there’s a way to deal with whatever it is. And about starting afresh in india, unless you have a usa specific problem here that is making you rethink, don’t move back. Because the marriage issue will persist even if you relocate to india. Just like how medication isn’t for everyone, therapy too may not work for everyone. But that’s ok.

Don’t get married if you do not feel that’s necessary and would not make a positive difference in your life. Going against desi parents and their unrealistic expectations can be really tough but cure cannot be worse than the problem.
Most importantly you don’t have to give reason to what you think is right for you to anyone including your parents.

OP ...I feel you. I was in a similar state a few years ago. In such situations family and close friends help. I moved in with my brother for a year and living with him gave me the support I needed to dig out of the hole. If you have close family around, go stay with them. Otherwise rely on close friends. Don't give up on job coz that may be the only thing keeping you busy and occupied right now. Developing a discipline also helps. Working towards a personal or professional goal gives you the motivation to keep going. I don't think giving up and going back to India is going to help.

I am married, don't have kids but have some of the same struggles. I got a puppy last year and it has been a life changer for me. Opened up a new fecet of lifestyle that I never had and keeps mind occupied in a positive way.