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Yes, please do. It’s also your life and your time so don’t be afraid to ask.
On date 3 he told me he was only interested in serious - ie marriage and babies. I said let’s see how date 4 goes!
Six months in we talked timeline for engagement
One year in engaged
Two years married
Three years baby
We were efficient!
But more seriously - I find it a bit odd that you can’t have a conversation about this with him. He can still surprise you with a proposal but you need to talk about whether he thinks you are headed that way. Better to talk now than find out in two years time.
30
Agree, have the conversation.
Another thing you said stuck with me: “I feel like I do so much for him”. I’d just caution you to be careful here. I’ve known a lot of women who do more than they want for a boyfriend in hopes of getting the proposal. Know that things don’t really change once you’re married and kids will exacerbate the whole thing. If you’re doing more than you want to now, nip that in the bud before you commit.
I say this as someone who’s been through it and it took a lot of fights and tears after our first child to reset things to a balance that was sustainable for me.
You should definitely have that conversation. It should be two people deciding to spend their lives together, not one person waiting for the other to make the decision.
It’s 2020. Ask him when you think you guys should get married. I did. He said March. We got married six months later (in March!) 🤷🏻♀️
3.5 years in and you haven’t had a conversation of what you guys are looking for in the best x many years?🤯
Whole surprises are nice, you guys should have the same overall expectations as far as the direction of your future.
That doesn’t mean you need to ask when exactly are you going to propose but you don’t want to waste your time if he’s not even considering it in the next couple years.
Thanks to advice on here, I check in with my SO every few months about whether we’re still on the same page. We talked future goals (kids, marriage, travel desires, etc.) about 3-5 months in. I plan to have the engagement conversation with him before we move in together later this year as I feel that should be established before even bothering with that big move.
What are you nervous about OP? I’d think on it for a moment. Are you nervous he isn’t in the same place you are?
I asked my (now-fiancé) to marry me. Best to just have the conversation if you’re unsure (or if you’re confident then surprise him and ask yourself)!
Planned it for a few months, bought a gift (not a ring), travelled to meet him overseas (where he’d been working remotely for a few weeks). We went to stay somewhere near the ocean, and I proposed on our last day on the beach when no one was around. He was VERY surprised and happy haha, it was worth the stressing. He said yes! (Thank God...)
(For context, we had been together nearly 3 years, lived together for 1, and he’d casually mentioned marriage a couple of times previously, but I’d never been like YES MARRIAGE, so I knew he’d be super surprised by a proposal)
Yep. Before we moved in together (1 year) I asked what he was thinking. Probably followed up on it 1-2x more times to make sure we were still marching towards the same common goal of being engaged in our original timeline (about 2 years after we started dating).
Definitely have the conversation. Just ask where his head is, what he is feeling in terms of taking that next steps, etc. It doesn’t have to be a scary conversation, just start it out from a place of curiosity and not frustration (not that you’re frustrated).
We didn’t have the conversation per se, when I was ready, I asked him (more or less) to marry me. There is no reason in this day and age that it is inappropriate for you to be the one to propose if you have a particular time line in mind and are ready.
If you can’t communicate clearly and openly with each other that doesn’t bode well
Unpopular opinion based one what many of you said, but it sounds like in many cases women bring it up, or trigger the regular check in to make sure on same page. In my opinion that creates a sense that the woman wants it more than the man, and he sort of gets to make the call. When two people love each other, should the man not want it just as much as the woman?
My view would be that if you discussed before that you are interested in marriage, you could simply say that you want to know what he is thinking about the timeline. If he says ‘you seem more ready than me’ I’d be very cautious. And I would probably not ask again, but give it a timeline and if you don’t see progress be ready to part ways (not before a discussion of course). Good luck!
Def ask babe. Honestly, at 3.5 years you should be able to speak openly with him about any topic
I wouldn’t ask, per se, because it’s your life and I don’t think you should be asking someone to propose, but definitely have the conversation. Express your desires and listen to his and figure out where to go from there. In my case, my husband was ready to get engaged before I was. He told me that, I said I wasn’t quite ready but I thought I would be soon, and then I was ready ~6 months later.
We haven't talked timline specifically, just that it's the plan for us. I'm 31 and he's 28, we've been dating for 2.5 years (my entire MBA included) and we've been living together for 6 months.
Early on (like 6 months) I brought up that I want marriage/kids in my future and needed to know if he wanted that. I didn't need him to know whether he wanted it with me, just that he did.
Every 6 months or so we check in on how we feel the relationship is progressing. At this point, he acknowledges that I feel more ready than he does, but we still have the same goals for us.
Cont.
I feel like I do so much for him in terms of family, and at home and just in general and I’m ready to take the next step but I’m not sure where he’s at. We’ve always talked about marriage but I’m just not sure how to approach the “I’m ready” convo or if I keep waiting. We have some upcoming trips planned to meaningful places so idk
Definitely have the conversation