Did you ever ask your boyfriend for a timeline of engagement or did you just see hints or how did that come about? I live with my boyfriend (6M now) and we’ve been together for 3.5.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Yes, please do. It’s also your life and your time so don’t be afraid to ask.

like

On date 3 he told me he was only interested in serious - ie marriage and babies. I said let’s see how date 4 goes!
Six months in we talked timeline for engagement
One year in engaged
Two years married
Three years baby
We were efficient!

But more seriously - I find it a bit odd that you can’t have a conversation about this with him. He can still surprise you with a proposal but you need to talk about whether he thinks you are headed that way. Better to talk now than find out in two years time.

like

30

Agree, have the conversation.

Another thing you said stuck with me: “I feel like I do so much for him”. I’d just caution you to be careful here. I’ve known a lot of women who do more than they want for a boyfriend in hopes of getting the proposal. Know that things don’t really change once you’re married and kids will exacerbate the whole thing. If you’re doing more than you want to now, nip that in the bud before you commit.

I say this as someone who’s been through it and it took a lot of fights and tears after our first child to reset things to a balance that was sustainable for me.

like

You should definitely have that conversation. It should be two people deciding to spend their lives together, not one person waiting for the other to make the decision.

It’s 2020. Ask him when you think you guys should get married. I did. He said March. We got married six months later (in March!) 🤷🏻‍♀️

like

3.5 years in and you haven’t had a conversation of what you guys are looking for in the best x many years?🤯

Whole surprises are nice, you guys should have the same overall expectations as far as the direction of your future.

That doesn’t mean you need to ask when exactly are you going to propose but you don’t want to waste your time if he’s not even considering it in the next couple years.

like

Thanks to advice on here, I check in with my SO every few months about whether we’re still on the same page. We talked future goals (kids, marriage, travel desires, etc.) about 3-5 months in. I plan to have the engagement conversation with him before we move in together later this year as I feel that should be established before even bothering with that big move.

like

What are you nervous about OP? I’d think on it for a moment. Are you nervous he isn’t in the same place you are?

I asked my (now-fiancé) to marry me. Best to just have the conversation if you’re unsure (or if you’re confident then surprise him and ask yourself)!

likeuplifting

Planned it for a few months, bought a gift (not a ring), travelled to meet him overseas (where he’d been working remotely for a few weeks). We went to stay somewhere near the ocean, and I proposed on our last day on the beach when no one was around. He was VERY surprised and happy haha, it was worth the stressing. He said yes! (Thank God...)
(For context, we had been together nearly 3 years, lived together for 1, and he’d casually mentioned marriage a couple of times previously, but I’d never been like YES MARRIAGE, so I knew he’d be super surprised by a proposal)

like

Yep. Before we moved in together (1 year) I asked what he was thinking. Probably followed up on it 1-2x more times to make sure we were still marching towards the same common goal of being engaged in our original timeline (about 2 years after we started dating).

like

Definitely have the conversation. Just ask where his head is, what he is feeling in terms of taking that next steps, etc. It doesn’t have to be a scary conversation, just start it out from a place of curiosity and not frustration (not that you’re frustrated).

like

We didn’t have the conversation per se, when I was ready, I asked him (more or less) to marry me. There is no reason in this day and age that it is inappropriate for you to be the one to propose if you have a particular time line in mind and are ready.

likeuplifting

If you can’t communicate clearly and openly with each other that doesn’t bode well

like

Unpopular opinion based one what many of you said, but it sounds like in many cases women bring it up, or trigger the regular check in to make sure on same page. In my opinion that creates a sense that the woman wants it more than the man, and he sort of gets to make the call. When two people love each other, should the man not want it just as much as the woman?

My view would be that if you discussed before that you are interested in marriage, you could simply say that you want to know what he is thinking about the timeline. If he says ‘you seem more ready than me’ I’d be very cautious. And I would probably not ask again, but give it a timeline and if you don’t see progress be ready to part ways (not before a discussion of course). Good luck!

like

Def ask babe. Honestly, at 3.5 years you should be able to speak openly with him about any topic

like

I wouldn’t ask, per se, because it’s your life and I don’t think you should be asking someone to propose, but definitely have the conversation. Express your desires and listen to his and figure out where to go from there. In my case, my husband was ready to get engaged before I was. He told me that, I said I wasn’t quite ready but I thought I would be soon, and then I was ready ~6 months later.

like

We haven't talked timline specifically, just that it's the plan for us. I'm 31 and he's 28, we've been dating for 2.5 years (my entire MBA included) and we've been living together for 6 months.

Early on (like 6 months) I brought up that I want marriage/kids in my future and needed to know if he wanted that. I didn't need him to know whether he wanted it with me, just that he did.

Every 6 months or so we check in on how we feel the relationship is progressing. At this point, he acknowledges that I feel more ready than he does, but we still have the same goals for us.

like

Cont.
I feel like I do so much for him in terms of family, and at home and just in general and I’m ready to take the next step but I’m not sure where he’s at. We’ve always talked about marriage but I’m just not sure how to approach the “I’m ready” convo or if I keep waiting. We have some upcoming trips planned to meaningful places so idk

Definitely have the conversation

Related Posts

Any exciting NFT drops coming up in the next couple of weeks? Particularly looking for smaller projects on the Ethereum blockchain. Latest mint was Avarik Saga

like

Just realized I’m going to eke out UA Plat on 17 flown segs this year. Efficiency at its finest.

like

Hey Everyone, I completed final round interviews with Google a couplenof months ago then they went into the freeze. Today, I was notified that my interviews had positive results and they would like to move me onto team matching but because of the freeze they dont have much availability and will check in with me monthly as teams come available, is anyone else in this boat?

like

Please like so that i can dm others thanks

like

Is Accenture giving welcome kit and when do we get it??

like

What’s a decent rate for a 1099 audit Senior .. 5 YOE, cpa

like

About to file a writ of habeas corpus for client where I.C.E. detainer is not executed and bond was paid. Will judge revoke bond if he hears about I.C.E. detainer. I’m guessing he will after I file this. Thoughts?

Any chance to get hired at M level with no Salesforce implementation experience but 10+ cents?

like

Any chance a consultant at Deloitte could exit into private equity, and how?

like

Received a verbal job offer on Tues. $5k short of what I had said was my desired range but still up from my current salary. We set up a call for Thurs to discuss further. On Wed they sent me all benefits info. Thursday on the call I asked if we could either increase moving stipend or get closer to my desired salary. They said no, and I asked them to send over written offer and I would let them know by Fri. They then email they are no longer offering me the position and repost it the next day:

like

Hey, wondering if anyone is into cloud engineering or cloud security here?

like

If you are on an FWA, do you need to meet your FWA utilization hours every week? I.e I am 75% so do I need 30 charge plus whatever admin hours to mercury? I am talking to my people consultant and she seems to think so. In a job that is highly seasonal, how is this possible??

like

2.5 year old wetting the bed 2x daily. We put a nighttime onesie on backwards which helps but still leaks through it quite a bit. We can’t do anything like that at daycare and he likes to put his hand down his diaper when he sleeps. What do we do??

like

My house is paid off and a family friend is willing to pay cash for my house. We agreed on the price and inspections have passed with flying colors. What steps do I need to take for the sale of the house without having to pay a realtor a percentage for doing nothing? All I need is a contract they protects both parties - does anyone know?

like

My agency services tourism marketing such as Visitexample.com. We are currently measuring web clicks as ROI. As we know, web clicks are getting more difficult to attain. Anyone know how else we could measure?

Anyone got any good/BAD Queen posts and tweets? Bonus points if you know the story behind it.

like

How’s MSFT india hike’s and stock awards , max to max what %of annual stocks vested over the year for L63 and what’s the base salary can one expect for this level .

like

Please anyone tell me that what would be in hand salary per month/per annum for an IT analyst in Canada onsite location?

like

Anyone looking for job in IT risk and compliance, IT audit, ERP risk, cloud security. please DM me.

like

I've completed the final rounds for 2 companies: AWS as an L7 Principal PMT and another that's a Series-A funded startup in the HCM space. I expect offers from both: AWS around $400k TC ($250k base + $150k stock) and the startup should be around $300k TC ($250k base + 20% bonus). If comp wasn't the ONLY consideration, what would you do? The AWS role will be an IC role and more hands-on/technical. The startup will be a CPO role reporting to the CEO with a team of about 50 devs+PMs.

Additional Posts in Women In Consulting

Currently going through some life changes both good and bad and I am feeling out of sorts. I don’t feel attractive and I’m not attracted to my SO. Wondering how to bring both sparks back and whether it’s just burn out / stress.

like

Is it me or does jcrew and madewell running big now?

like

What’s a good way to get your personal data scrubbed off the internet?

like

Ladies , how would you react to husband buying apartment above his parents house. He mentioned it to me but went ahead and bought it with all discussions between him and parents

like

I feel like I'm growing apart from my friends 😕 We have different careers and some are married with families. We have nothing to really discuss anymore and it definitely saddens me. Anyone struggle with this? How do you build new meaningful friendships?

like

Just had a man follow me into sbux and try to chat me up while I ordered. Dude. I am carrying a suitcase and trying to catch up on my emails. Go away.

likefunny

How did you meet you significant other, and what made you realize they were the one?

like

When the best part of your workday was your OBGYN appointment.... you know it’s been a rough one.

likefunny

Do any of you ladies have in-laws who live close by & insert themselves into your lives ALL THE TIME? I feel so overwhelmed by them, but my husband thinks it’s NBD. (Continued)

Ladies, love to hear your thoughts. I’m in my late 20’s with a handful of close gfs (most of them live far) but I have a history of losing girlfriends. I’m self aware to a fault and am very supportive/responsive but other than my core group, it’s hard for me to keep gfs around other than 6 month span. It’s happening to me again right now and it’s really hard, she’s going through something and pulling away/towards others when we have been VERY close before. Anyone else have this experience?

like

Anyone here ever stop blonde highlighting their dark blonde/light brown hair and go back to natural color? Tired of blonde turning brassy and want to go to a more natural color. Transition tips?

like

How do y’all get yourselves to relax during a Pap smear?

like

South Asian ladies in this bowl, long shot but do y'all have any single brother older than 33 that are looking to date / settle down? Bonus points if Gujarati 🤗☺️

likefunnysmart

Has anyone just been feeling pretty sad and down these past few months? I’ve never really felt this way pre-pandemic but now no matter what I do (workout,talk to friends, yoga) I still feel waves of sadness. I live in a cold city with strict covid lockdowns so I know that that is contributing to my sadness but just wanted to see if anyone else feels like this and how you are coping? I also haven’t traveled or gone on many social outings since last March so Ik that is taking a toll on me as well

like

Recommendations for a good therapist conducting virtual visits? Particularly interested in someone who specializes in stress related to work and family. Female preferred. Thanks, ladies

like

How do you deal with overbearing mother? Mine can’t come to terms with the fact that I have my own life, travel, live far from home, etc. and always compares me to her friends whose kids call daily...

like

Does anyone have positive experiences with getting an ex back? I just went through a breakup which he initiated, and I know I deserve better but one part of me is still convinced he was my soulmate

like

I’m dating someone new and it is going very well. He is kind, not high strung, with great values and shares my sense of humor. It is so easy and natural to spend multiple days with him.
Still I am having doubts because I think he isn’t very “intellectual”. To be clear, he’s intelligent! He is a great STEM role that requires an advanced degree. We share a love of reading as well. However he is not really interested in world affairs, does not follow the news closely, does not have a strong grasp

likehelpful

Sooo, anyone want to share their experience with microblading? My eyebrows are so thin and that's the only thing I 'take care of' (aka fill em in) before stepping out... I'm a no makeup person 98% of the time but can't imagine going with my naked eyebrows.
Considering microblading but would love to hear personal experiences

like

My husband yells at me in front of my 2 years old, even when he is scared. He needs to express his anger out before he can shut down. I am planning to leave him but I am hesitant because I am afraid this would negatively impact my son more, not having a father figure around much.... not the first time, my husband promises multiple time that at least he would control his anger in front of kid but never Lee up the promise...sometimes he would even throw stuff (not at me and my child)...

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal