{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Did you know? “Women receive ‘negative personality criticism’, such as being called bossy or told to ‘watch their tone’ in around 75% of performance reviews. Men, on the other hand, rarely do.” From https://cultureplusconsulting.com/2018/03/10/gender-bias-work-assertiveness-double-bind/", "post_id": "5d671853a4819b001d4cf9bb", "reply_count": 56, "vote_count": 89, "bowl_id": "5976222cab932800101a9ca4", "bowl_name": "Women in Advertising" }
likesmarthelpful
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

I saw this happening to a senior Art director I worked with. The people who gave her a review promoted her partner to ACD and not her because she “pushed back too much”. She had worked under me several times and always expressed her opinions thoughtfully. I was appalled. They would have NEVER held a dude back if the situation were reversed. In fact that behavior is seen as confidence in Men. When I found this out I spoke to the ECDs, the GCDs that did it, and other creative leaders but was met with resistance. They finally promoted her 6 months later which I found even more petty. Men in leadership need lessons in latent sexism. (Or whatever it’s called)

like

Ridiculous things I’ve actually heard in performance reviews that a man never would: “Bossy” “Too direct” “Don’t use enough smiley faces and exclamation points in your emails” “Brash” “Should help out more around the office - getting birthday cakes, setting up for events, taking notes” - not that this is ok at any level, but I was senior “A know-it-all... you don’t have to point out mistakes, you can just fix them afterwards” said after I flagged a massive legal issue on an already greenlit project

like
Recent IconRecent

Why yes, I am familiar with this “feedback” as is appeared on every performance review I have received. Been “watching my tone” since 1994! Then sometime around my 45th birthday I started getting accused of being too positive and someone actually said I needed to remember I “wasn’t their mother.” So basically, a bitch can’t win. 🤷🏼‍♀️

likefunnyupliftingsmarthelpful

Oh I’ve been told I’m aggressive & need to work on my style bc I am straightforward and direct. Whereas both more senior and junior men in my office openly scream and swear at people and have never once been given feedback (I know based on my role).

like

I have had exactly the same feedback. I felt so frustrated and alone. Being straight forward and direct is necessary to get good work done. If it’s a man its fine...but as a woman its a default. Frustrating.

More of this discussion. We need to change the narrative and our language.

Post Photo
likeuplifting

I’m a woman and I was told I had to make the new ECD like me. I said he should make me like him and stood firm on that. Boss was flabbergasted. ECD was not someone I liked or respected, and I was not going to kiss his ass.

like

I'm bossy, need to be softer, I always have to be right, why can't I just listen and do what I'm told...the list of what I've been subjected to is endless as is the string of women in HR who told me that I should try to see it their (the man's) way (I'm paraphrasing for efficiency). Each time I stood my ground. I've worked at a lot of places as a result but in the end I have my self esteem.

like

Anyone here ever call out a manager for reviewing them this way? This exact thing has happened to me (recently actually) and I don’t know how to address/deal with it

like

@director 2, that’s an amazing strategy! I love that they came together and had trust in each other to share the results and then pursue action. However, it’s not like that where I work. There’s so much distrust and more so women quit all the time. I’ve actually asked to see the data on women who leave vs men. Still waiting. 2019 was going to be my company’s big push for equal pay, leveling up, etc etc and it’s sept and no one has seen any actual work being done towards this. I personally had to go to HR for my promotion, armed with tons of documented proof that I had been promised one for over a year, was the LOWEST paid employee on my team, had better reviews, and had the highest output (both soft and hard skills). I still make less money than my male lead counterpart. I can’t leave (🤰🏻) but it makes me wonder why I work so hard. Anyways I’m just venting. A cog can’t fight the man alone

likehelpful

One time I was told I “always have to be right” Another time I was told I’m “too collaborative”

likefunny

Too collaborative?!? Christ.

like

One of my bosses told me it was unnerving that I always had an answer. I told him I could not imagine a situation in which a man would have been told to act dumb for the sake of making the people around him comfortable. I mean, I didn’t use jargon or anything. I just thought about possible questions I’d get when presenting a new idea, and prepared myself for those. Anyway, left Publicis shortly thereafter because no amount of unconscious bias training will really change people.

like

I was told in a performance review that when presenting to a certain male executive, I needed to pause and pretend to think for a few seconds after he asked me a question. Because even though I was supposed to be the expert and know my work inside and out, he didn't like that I could answer him instantly. My manager told me in so many words that I needed dumb myself down.

like

I have heard all of this since junior high. I thought once I became a professional it would change. But it actually got worse. Constantly hear, we know you’re smart, but this intimidates some of the clients when you respond too quickly, can you slow down and maybe give (some of the men) in the room a chance to answer. Also heard can you be less aggressive with your POV. You are intimidating because your opinions are so quick and passionate. Maybe dial it back. I recently tested this scenario being gender based by giving my POV word for word to a VP (male) on my team to deliver and the clients VPs and CMO (all men) and my boss (woman) all commented on what great wisdom and leadership he displayed. I literally coached him to deliver like I would have. Now they want to publicly recognize him (clients) and he is being considered for a promotion. I got credit for “letting him shine”. It’s total bullshit.

like

I was told I am too confident and that I should follow the advice of others. There’s some merit there, but also a lot of fuckery.

like

So has anyone said to their reviewer “this sounds like something you’d only say to a woman and here’s why I am assertive/opinionated/that’s why I was hired/etc.” ? Asking bec it sounds like standing up for yourself means being prepared to look for a new job. Sounds like we can spot it, but then we are silent and complain on fishbowl or to other women. How is this combated? Seriously, not being sarcastic at all. But it sounds like there’s a lot of preaching to the choir and taking it on the chin at the same time. Maybe there’s no answer

like

Every time I respond I find my self within a few months having to look for a new role. Maybe all of us smart aggressive women should start our own damn agency

like

Here’s another fun fact: men will apply for a role if they meet 66% of the requirements, while women hold back until they meet 99%.

like

👆This. I explain this to women all the time!

The phrase "facial expressions" was in my performance review.

likefunny

A director recently said "you can make a face all you want" to me and I almost lost it

I was told I was “too opinionated” and needed to “listen better” and then days later told my job isn’t “to be everyone’s friend” and “criticize” after saying the creative was in a great spot

like

To clarify, I was told my job is to criticize creative (lol yes, criticize not critique) because my feedback was considered too positive

likefunny

I wasn’t collaborative bc I didn’t follow the ‘advice’ I was given from a man in a different office about how to structure my team in the office I ran. So effectively I wasn’t able to use my brain and experience to make a business decision on my own. That would NEVER have been said to my male counterpart.

like

what's worse is that women do it to other women... I've had other women colleagues "scold" me for being "too harsh" and you rarely see that same thing told to men...

like

Yes! On the one hand, I understand that it’s difficult to push back against or break through the pressure to evaluate each other on these bullshit “criteria” when it’s the feedback we get cyclically and we’re socialized to believe it’s valid. On the other hand, it sucks.

like

add some WOC in there and it’s whole lot worse. so 👏🏾very 👏🏾 tired 👏🏾

like

I believe it

likeuplifting

Related Posts

I'm moving to Austin from NYC, with the Mrs. and 2 young kids. We are pretty set on Lake Travis ISD, but I'm curious about neighborhoods. Ideally, we are looking for areas made up of young families (preferably with cultural diversity), and things to do. We are looking around Lakeway & Bee Cave, but are certainly open to any reccos.

like

What is a gender neutral phrase that conveys the same meaning as “Needing to man up”?

like

I hate that “this needs more diversity” is code for add more black people...🤦🏾‍♀️ 😥when will people realize that diversity is not just black and white!

like

Which firm takes inclusion the most serious?

like

New York. All talk and no action here when it comes to actual inclusion and not cosmetic efforts.

like

had a miscarriage (knew the gender and developed a connection) and trying to pull it together for my toddler. will start therapy but feeling so unstable. any tips to survive this? husband knows i’m sad but not as supportive as I want him to be.

like

Parents are deciding between moving to WVirginia vs Virginia for retirement to be closer to us based in fairfax, va(ideally be at 1 hour driving distance). They currently in the mid west but WVirginia appeals to them because of low taxes, low cost of living. We are also poc so appreciate some diversity. What are some areas you would recommend both in Va and WV? What else should they consider prior to house hunting? Dad likes to garden/farm as well so looking for homes with large backyards. Tia!

like

Hey! I’m a self-contained teacher for grades K-2. This is my first year at the school I’m currently in, and apparently in the yearbook every year they have a class page solely for the handful of students in my classroom. They do this instead of putting my students in the yearbook page of the class they participate in for inclusion services. I feel like this is extremely wrong and violates some privacy laws. Do y’all have suggestions on how to bring this up with admin and the yearbook director?

likesmart

Tryin to see which companies are gay-friendly. How’s your company giving importance to diversity and inclusion nowadays?

like

Hi! Has anyone completed the diversity and inclusion certificate online through Cornell university? Thoughts? Worth it? Helpful in your career? Thanks!!

like

Have you ever had a wonderful mentor (either male/ female /gender fluid) how do(did) you show your appreciation for them taking the time to guide you?

like

Any Chicago 🐠 happen to be looking for a new roommate in June? My lease is up this May and I’m looking to find a private bed/bath downtown for under $1200/mo. I’m 23F, don’t care abt gender of roomie!

like

My agency leadership is a Boys’ Club (...nothing new). Female leaders are not appreciated nor given any opportunity for advancement. Any agencies out there with a “no gender bias” leadership? 🤞🏻

like

Does anyone have a diversity focused recruiter that they like? I’m tired of the lip service that my current employer pays to diversity and inclusion but don’t want to jump right over to somewhere worse. Thoughts?

like

The lack of diversity in this year’s winter interns is unreal 🙄

like
like

Hi! Welcome! What are your positions in an inclusion classroom? How’s it been going so far this year?

My best friend & I got pregnant around the same time. We didn’t know the other was even trying - just a happy surprise. But now I am going through a miscarriage and I don’t know how to feel. Lots of jealousy, but I’m still so happy for them. I knew it was a possibility (1/4 pregnancies end in miscarriage) but why did it have to be me? I don’t want to go to her gender reveal next week, it’s still just so painful but I feel like a horrible person for harboring these negative feelings towards her.

like

Is there a better city than the A in terms of diversity, cost of living, weather, airport, and overall stuff to do (nightlife, outdoors)? Some contenders (although doesn’t fit every category) include Dallas, Houston, Austin, Philly, Chicago, NOLA, some FL cities, Seattle, Denver, & Phoenix in my opinion

like

I absolutely hate that HR essentially forces me to attend diversity workshops on how to be a successful Hispanic. Efforts should be focused not on race but economic background... am I the only one?

like

Additional Posts

My full time job (not SMU) is literally making me sick-spent time at the ER. One associate quit and another is out of full paid parental leave (must be nice, I’m not paid for doing double the work)…so I’m now expected to do the work of 3 associates. My supervisor isn’t exactly understanding, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been searching for jobs, but it’s difficult since my background is diverse and not focused on one area of law. If I quit, how hard is it to find a new job?

like

I’ve been focused on my health and working out daily. I have been using old cheap leggings to run in and honestly they are losing their shape quickly. I’ve been looking to buy something else than old navy but hitting sticker shock. Here’s what I am looking for - high waste with side pocket leggings both in capri and 7/8. Also looking for a pair as we go into the winter months. Any recommendations would be welcomed.

like

If you were counseled out & unable to start new employment due to COVID-19 hiring freezes, would you qualify for unemployment? Received verbal offer initially for April, but keeps getting postponed

like

How to best answer "what comp are you expecting?" on a screening call?

like

As an incoming BTA at Deloitte with an assigned home office as Atlanta. Would it be out of line for me to ask to switch offices before my start date (July)? Thinking of asking to move to Chicago.

like

I have strong political opinions, but keep those private at work with the exception of a few coworkers who I’ve known for years. I was offered a job at another local firm with a 25% raise and good benefits. I was doing my due diligence and researching this company and saw on their Facebook page that they sponsor multiple “Trump Won” and “Health and Freedom” rallies with the myPillow guy. Calling on Monday to turn it down. Why would a firm publicly support something so crazy?? On to the next one!

likefunnyuplifting

Had a serious post partum emotions discussion with my husband yesterday and cried a ton, being honest with how I was feeling. Wasn't sure if being honest and vulnerable was going to make a big change, but this morning he was the sweetest and I'm so glad I did 😊 he changed the baby's diaper and was super positive and helpful with our 3 year old! Having coffee now and so grateful

likeuplifting

Anyone know what a senior associate total comp at Hietman (Chicago) is? Any word on company culture? Department would be financial reporting and operations.

like

Can I downgrade a CSR to a CSP?

like

If anyone wants to study for the CFE but doesn’t want to pay the full price for the study materials and would be interested to split it, please DM me

like

My manager is incapable of admitting when he’s wrong, to the point where he’s let me use the wrong formulas on client work because he couldn’t bring himself to admit he’d given me the wrong formula.

like

I’m frustrated as EY didn’t give me promotion as promised during hiring last year. Now I’ve an offer from non-big4 & about to put papers. Will EY negotiate either on salary or promotion?

like

Looking for a referral for Senior SQL Server DBA. I have 7+ years of experience . Please let me know if you have any opportunities in your organization!! Will need sponsorship for H1B visa transfer.

like

Am I going crazy or does it make sense to lower your tax withholdings to have more cash at hand and pay off high interest credit card debt faster - with caveat of paying the extra taxes at tax time?

like

Since I'm an intern, I stay to myself and keep quiet. I've seen a lot of interns say whatever they're thinking even if it's not appropriate but others seem to be okay with it. Is my playing safe ok?

like

Any 🐠 know the range for a Project Manager at Twitter?

likehelpful

Need help guys: Parents are in town and they need to get an MRI scan done. Which international insurance will cover the lab costs if referred by the doctor?

like

Anyone here work for any of the LBMC offices in Tennessee and willing to share their experience? I’ve been working for Deloitte for 5 years and considering applying to a regional firm in hopes of a lighter work load. But I know moving to a smaller firm doesn’t always mean less work. I am in tax so any insight into that specifically would be much appreciated!

like

Progesterone shots … I didn’t realize there were different oils to pick from. Anyone get good intel here? My insurance covers regular ones (sesame oil) but my Nurse said paying out of pocket for compounded ones is worth it (less pain in her opinion). 🤷🏻‍♀️

like

Kellogg or Stern? Post-MBA goal is MBB in New York City.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal