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I didn’t know for sure and I urge anyone/everyone to really be sure before they go around having kids. I don’t regret my children but holy hell I didn’t think everything through.
I really dont think we could thinking EVERYTHING through!
Kids are hard. Mine are on the older side, teens and tweens, and while I don’t regret them of course I would probably choose differently if I had to do it all over. One of them is very mildly autistic, another is brilliant, another is so emotionally sensitive I don’t know how he will ever survive this world. I am an incredible mom by all standards and even the best parenting can’t protect them. And while I get that’s not what it’s really about…it’s still heartbreaking and anxiety-inducing. Parenting requires an intense bravery that I never could have anticipated. I didn’t feel this as much when they were younger but I feel it all the time now.
Thank you both for your honesty. As a mom of three 5 and under, this is the scary truth I didn’t want to hear but needed to. For now, I deal mostly with the physical bumps and bruises. They’re a lot easier than the emotional ones. Wishing you love and strength and reminding myself to enjoy the “easy” problems now ❤️
Mentor
Was never sure or ever convinced. Not when I played with babies endlessly growing up and loved it, not when I met my hubby, not when he said he wanted them, not when we got married, not when everyone around me had them, not when I got pregnant, not when I had a miscarriage, not the week before my delivery, not when I met my baby, not 2 months after when I was suffering through ppm.
NADA.
It really finally kicked in for me when baby was 4-5 months old, cute, cuddly, and giggly. My priorities changed and I realized I prefer this over everything else, over work, over travel, over fancy bags, or 6 pack abs. I can still do all those, but I'd never trade those for missing out on this smile.
Same! So refreshing
I always told my husband I’d be fine either way, but when we got married we agreed no kids. Then Covid started and a lot of his co-workers had kids and the baby fever set in. Our first was born this past December, and like others have said, it’s hard. Women aren’t the only ones who get PPD and my husband admitted sometime after the first week that he saw our son as a chore. It broke my heart but I admittedly felt the same.
Once you get past the “just keep the kid alive” phase, you get to watch this little potato sack start to learn and grow and it’s actually pretty cool.
Do I consider myself maternal? Nope. Do I want to snuggle my baby 24/7? Nope.
We need to step away from this singular idea of what it means to be a parent and embrace the fact that most parents are winging it. The ideal phase of childhood we look forward to might not come until our kid is a teen or even older.
I sort of agree. Each stage, for me, has been better than the prior. My son is now a teenager, and I'm enjoying it so much. When I think that he'll be most likely leaving for college in less than 4 years, I feel an undescribable mix of excitement with nostalgia. All older parents say this but it's hitting me hard these days: they just grow so fast.
I knew I wanted kids and wholly agree with SE1. Even when you want them, they are hard! I love them so much and don’t regret having them, but they change your entire life.
I was generally against kids but decided to go for it since most people do and claim it’s amazing and life changing. It’s absolutely true. I’m a different person and love my baby more than life itself. It’s definitely not for everyone and it’s hard a lot of the time but seeing that sweet smile and watching her discover new things brings me pure joy.
Thanks so much for sharing, it means a lot
Parenthood is honestly, equally the best and the most exhausting of all things, lol!
I did want children earlier in life, and when I got to a certain age I accepted it might not be my destiny (thanks to societal BS)… and then I got pregnant. My entire world changed.
The love, hope and joy (how I experience it) is like nothing I can really describe…but
(I’m sorry - I forget who said this) “having kids is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body”, or something like that.
There are days when I don’t know how or if I can do it, but through them - I find the strength, and then crash into bed like a ton of bricks.
They continuously make me want to be the best version of myself - for them and for myself. While that sounds nice at face value, it’s also tough because striving to improve yourself (as a mom, in addition to just being a better human) with less time/resources on your hands, can be a serious mindf**ck.
*Sigh*
Nothing worth having ever comes easy.
Love to all on this thread💞
First I was undecided, leaning between zero or one. My husband was similar, though he leaned heavier towards zero, but said he'd be ok with 1 if it were important for me. After marrying, I moved solidly to zero, so we were sure about no kids.
And it was at this moment, of course, that we got pregnant unexpectedly. I cried for days, then started to look into abortion. We were traveling to another city and we were returning home by train, about 5 hours ride. During that ride my husband and I just talked, and talked. We talked about having an abortion, how we both felt about it. I was totally in, my husband said he'd support my wishes, but it would be an emotional big hit for him. Then we talked about how we felt about becoming parents. We decided to give ourselves that train ride to truly consider it, to think it as a possible future, to envision it. We both talked about we feared to lose if we had a kid. We imagined how those dreams that we felt were dying with this pregnancy would be reshaped. We just talked and talked. And cried and cried. And by the time we arrived home we had decided to become three. In my mind, my son was conceived in that train.
He is now 15. Parenthood has been as hard as I imagined it would. It is brutal. The first months are not something I'd wish on anybody, even though he was such an easy baby. When he was born, I was just keenly aware that I didn't know him, and really felt no supernatural bond to him or anything, just overwhelming responsibility. And then the days and months started to pass, and we got to know each other, and it's beyond any doubt the absolutely most meaningful and wonderful life experience I've ever had.
As it was mentioned elsewhere, I do agree that at least for me parenthood has just gotten better year by year. I've never seen a baby and cooed and said how they make you wish for another (as I've heard many people say, who I believe suffer from selective amnesia). I've loved it as he grows older, and becomes more of himself, and talks and comes up with all these things I'd never imagine. Now he's a teenager and it's been a riot. I laugh so much with him (and suffer as well, but at this point I know it's part of parenthood). And then like last night, he just came to my room where I was reading and he laid down next to me and fell asleep with his head on my chest, and I felt I was going to die for feeling so much.
I'm just so glad this dude sneaked in on us with that unplanned pregnancy.
I wasn’t sure, but was leaning towards yes. The fact that my regrets are of the minor “holy crap this can be really hard” variety and not truly wishing I could undo it make me think I made the right choice. Can you ever really be sure?!
I did not know for sure/was leaning towards no but had an unplanned pregnancy. I agree it’s so hard but I’m also glad that it happened. I only have one for now and my partner does 50% so I get time to myself and breaks if I need it and keep up with friendships by doing girls nights and little trips/etc. It’s important to maintain your identity so that being a mom doesn’t consume you if that makes sense. Nobody wants to do anything 24/7 no matter how much they love it. A support system is key!
Coach
Actually I didn’t. When I got pregnant unexpectedly (I’ve PCOS and didn’t think I would get pregnant) I honestly didn’t know what to do. Now that my baby is out and here I don’t know how life would be without him. It’s a feeling I cant quite articulate
I knew I wanted them but didn’t know if there would ever be a right time to have them. I was correct - after having two kids, there is not a right time and this shiz is tough!
I always knew how hard and big a commitment having kids is…so I was always in the hard no column even though I in my soul feel lonely and ache for the love of a family. I have 2 kids and it is as hard as I knew it would be. The drain on my health and career are real. But I have
Learned so much about myself and grown so much. IMO being a parent is a huge part of the human experience and I know I would not have lived life to the fullest if I did not have children. I have grown and learned so much. Someone smart once said it is only through loving someone else that you can truly know yourself. Again IMO after “loving” many boyfriends, it wasn’t until I loved my kid that I really understood the magnitude of love
I didn’t want kids, I never had the desire to have them. I truly felt like my dog fulfilled enough of what I needed in my life. Yet I always knew if I became pregnant I would go through with it. I now have a baby at 37 years old and it’s very challenging.
I love my baby but don’t necessarily love all the responsibilities that come along with the mom title. Sometimes I ask myself, how do I get that dad gig?! Lol 😂
How old is baby now?
My husband and I were together 8 years before getting married. During those 8 years, we fully enjoyed living that young adult life in NYC and travelled as much as we could. Really travelled not just staying at resorts and nice places, saw the world and watched how other people around the world lived on a lot less than what we had and they were so happy. After we got married, we spent another 2 years doing the same but now at the nicer places since we both were making a bit more now and could afford it. It got old quick and I realized I wanted more. After having our son, we are both the most tired we’ve ever been and the most fulfilled. The newborn craziness feels like it just ended with his first birthday and we are expecting our second in September. Wouldn’t look back!
Coach
100% wanted kids. 12 years of fertility treatment for number one and the second followed 4 years later with additional treatment. I would not trade it for anything. They are the greatest joys of my life. But it is HARD - as are most things worth doing.
I didn’t know for sure but did anyway and I am SO glad I did. I often think of how different my life would be without them (in a sad way) and am just so grateful to have a family.
I LOVE kids - I would nanny through high school and college and loved everything about it. I watched a kid take their first steps, I helped their siblings through the adjustment from 2 kids to 3, I had the honor of helping mom explain life and death to another kid, I was always all about child-raising and being part of the life of OTHER people's kids. Being able to go home at the end of the day, I fully understood, was the difference between being a parent and being a nanny. And honestly, it was clutch. I got to apply all the child development know-how I had and watch it in real time and then go home, meet with friends, get a great night's sleep (or not!) ... My life was truly my own. So I never wanted my own kids. Even after I transitioned to other jobs, never wanted my own kids. There's loads of mental health stuff in my family that I never wanted to pass down. 🤷♀️
It took me until my baby was about 3 months old to feel anything other than enormous responsibility enmeshed with love for him. That "bond" was elusive, but eventually came. I honestly had no idea I wanted a baby until he was here. But I knew my partner would be a rock, and they would make whatever needed to happen, happen and that made me feel safe bringing someone into the world.
Subject Expert
Always knew. I thrive in chaos and am super level-headed; while I don’t necessarily enjoy every moment of parenting I am pretty good at it. Now that I have kids I just want more 🤷♀️
I always wanted kids and we now have two. I am definitely beyond frustrated with our 2 year old (our other one is only 2 months) but I am certainly optimistic that this is just the terrible twos and that things will significantly improve. Our 2 month old has plenty of time to develop but so far, she’s wonderful. That said, I am done having any more babies lol.