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I’m fortunate in that I come from an ultra-privileged background. If I became a BigLaw rainmaker tomorrow and did that for the next 30 years, I still wouldn’t be as wealthy as my parents are. YET, they still do this to me all the time too. One recent example is my dad paid for our golf round (at a cheap muni course near the rural area we were staying in for a wedding) and said I should buy the beers after the round to make up for him buying my $45 round of golf. To be fair, they’re quite generous 99% of the time, but then they do things like that and it makes me a bit resentful. I get the sense that they don’t think I deserve to make this much money.
Subject Expert
A27, luck for sure plays a role in everyone’s life. I had some good luck and some bad luck. But I would argue that success is very rarely all luck. Rather, it’s a combination of factors, including luck and hard work. Ask yourself honestly how many really successful people you know don’t work really hard.
First year first gen here, make 7x more than my parents combined income growing up. Mine don’t say this stuff but if They did I would give them anything they ask for. They probably won’t ask as they get older (with zero retirement savings) so I will have to force them to take my money. 99% of my success is owed to them, so I don’t even give it a second thought
Same boat here!
Mentor
Just here to say that I feel terrible for those first gen college grads working in Biglaw who have family members constantly asking them for money. It’s such a tough dilemma to navigate and, if this resonates with you, remember you need to take care of yourself first. It’s in everyone’s best interest!
Subject Expert
Holy cow. I’m so sorry that anyone feels this way. I come from a lower middle class, single parent home and in good years make 30 times what my mom ever made in a year in her life. She was enormously proud of me (and my brothers, who now work blue collar jobs) and never in a million years would have done that to any of us. Good god.
Agreed. When I first started in big law during my summer internship, I made more than my mom made in an entire year in 8 weeks of work. When she heard what my salary was she laughed and almost cried saying she was so so proud of me. She still tries to sneak her card ahead of mine at restaurants and pretty much anywhere we go when I visit to pay for things before I get the chance.
My dad just likes to come over and turn on all the lights, ac, pool heater. He also eats all my food and sneaks liquor bottles out with him. Calls it karma 🤣
LC1- your dad sounds awesome
I just bought my Mom a car. Does that count?
Goals!!!
My parents let us live with them during covid, rent free of course, and cooked all our meals, took care of our kids, cleaned all the time. We tried as much as possible to pitch in but they wouldnt let us. Immigrants 🤷🏻♀️
My husbands family, on the other hand, would've charged us rent on day 1.
Edit to say because of how amazing my parents are, and how much I outearn them, I try to pay for as much as I possibly can. They're my heroes.
Mentor
My parents are worth 20m and tried to bribe me into not doing Biglaw because they thought it was stupid so no.
Mentor
Yep, unfortunately it takes 1 screw up to kill it
Coach
Not me, but my dad had a similar experience when he was young. Best advice he gave me was “It’s not enough for family to love you, they also have to respect you. So say ‘I’ll think about it’ to the people asking for favors and send bills to people who disrespect your property.”
im a first gen college grad, so yeah
My mom got drunk, logged into my student loans account (she has the password) and paid off all of my loans. That was an unprecedented move and Im not sure if it’s because I’m making more now or just because she got hammered. Anyway I’ll be paying for whatever she needs in the future.
Yes. Mum unilaterally increased monthly payments to herself, and made remarks that I’m earning the most. Well, I work the longest hours and this is a stressful job. Anyway, I’ve learnt to let go. I’d rather my mum be happy.
We have a joint bank account and she draws a monthly ‘allowance’ - I ‘top up’ the account when it’s low; otherwise she will relentlessly message me about it.
My parents are asking me to pay for their retirement because they have zero savings. Does that count?
Lol yes. I come from a relatively privileged background where I’d never get to my parents’ net worth just purely on a big law salary alone but they expect me to give them a monthly allowance (asian culture).
A18- wow interesting ! Do they save the money for you or otherwise invest it on your behalf?
Coach
My parents split up their estate such that my younger sibling, who has never really tried to work at all, gets all the cash “because you don’t need it”. I know it’s not my money and I shouldn’t be pissy about it, but between that and kids who live like rock stars and go to expensive schools, and a spouse who quit their job to go back to college bc they hated their job, sometimes I feel like the victim of my own success
Mentor
Your parents are assess; everyone can use more money and laziness isn't justification for getting more
Partner and I are both first gen. My mother would not expect a penny and she still attempts to buy me lavish gifts. She just wants me to be happy and healthy. My MIL however… she never fails to remind my partner of the money they spent raising him and using that to guilt trip him into paying for better gifts or paying for their flights to visit us etc.
A kid is not an investment and true love is not transactional.
Did this post make anyone else feel poor or just me?
So obviously I don't make anywhere near as much as yall, but I make a lot compared to my mum (5x as much). I've found it's had the opposite effect, she hates taking money from me, me buying things for her etc.
Nah. My dads proud I make as much as he does
My parents raised me well enough to have a solid career, i only wish they would let me take care of them now that i can. They try to pay me back for everything that i buy for them all the time.