Do any women have experience working with an elderly care attorney or dealing with LTC for parents? I’m 25 and don’t have any friends dealing with this to seek advice. My widowed, health-challenged mother (late 60s) needs more care. Compounding this issue is the fact that she wouldn’t qualify for LTC insurance and while she has some savings (think mid-six figures), it’s certainly not enough for potentially 20 years of care (don’t want her to be broke/with destitute care). Where do I even start?

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Check to see if the town/county/state you live in has a department for elderly/older adults. Most do and they have social workers who can advise which programs/services your mother will qualify for. If you can’t find the contact information, call your or her state senator/representative and they may be able to advise.

The most important place to engage is with her doctor. Her diagnoses will determine what services she is eligible for through her insurance/Medicare/Medicaid. This can include an in-patient facility or a nurse/aid/occupational therapist who comes to the home. You may want to see if your mom can schedule a consultation appointment with the doctor to discuss her care. Or, call her doctors office and identify yourself as her daughter and tell them you are trying to coordinate care. See what advice/services they can point you to. For HIPPA reasons they may not talk specifics about your mom without her consent, but they could tell you what see needs to do to give consent.

Finally, meeting with an estate planning lawyer may be helpful. Look for a practice that does medical power of attorney and has financial advisors on staff. An initial consultation may be worthwhile to see if it would be worth spending money on. They will advise on what needs to be set up so that you can care for your mom in the future when she is unable to make her own decisions about her care. They also can advise on how to protect the savings she does have by creating a trust so that when a nursing home/assisted living facility looks at assets, all the money won’t need to be turned over to them. Many states allow for a 5-7 year look back into a person’s financial history.

Finally, if you or your mom belongs to a religious organization, they may have resources too. Sometime they have volunteers who visit the sick/elderly, deliver premise meals, etc. They may also have social workers who can offer advice.

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☝🏻this. And once you reach a point of needing to research retirement homes, please know there are different types with “tiers” related to payment. Some require “rent”/monthly payment through to death, while others will accept new residents based on a financial review and will continue to keep them as residents even after their savings run out (I’m sure it’s augmented some way by Medicare but don’t have specifics).

As a follow up—the costs of even assisted living is astronomical and I don’t think us living together is currently feasible (nor do I have the time or mental energy to be an in-home caretaker).

She would move in with you and part of your long term plan would be to factor in her care.

If she’s in her late 60s then Medicare may cover a care taker. At this point it is too late for LTC insurance but see what your employer offers for a dependent. I agree with the other poster in that if you don’t have other sibs she may need to move in with you or another relative.

Check out Wellthy. It is a service that helps navigate and manage family medical care. Accenture provides it as a free service but if it’s not covered for you it’s still worth checking out as a resource

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