{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Do first generation desis feel that we live an incomplete, scared, unfulfilled life - whether it’s spouses, jobs, parents, immigration.", "post_id": "6020248a4f57fa003039bfd2", "reply_count": 12, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "58f8108c753e990016608a0b", "bowl_name": "Desi Consultants" }

Do first generation desis feel that we live an incomplete, scared, unfulfilled life - whether it’s spouses, jobs, parents, immigration.

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We all have the freedom to make a choice. You need to be strong enough to be ready for whatever the consequences are without blaming others. Stop the self loathe please. Typical desi mindset

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I think the biggest challenge with desis is we want best of both worlds and culture, totally ignoring the truth that things come in package. We see each as threat and that shows up at work place too. The community/religious/caste/language/state gangs only makes things worse.

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Not at all. I feel privileged and extremely blessed to be able to make the most of opportunities granted to me. If you have are scared and unfulfilled, is it really due to your location? There are ups and downs regardless of where you live.

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Yes, the instability in life is too real. I personally have not found a solid way to deal with living in constant fear, of things falling apart. Having no financial back up & the sole high earner of the family puts me in constant stress of what if, what if I lose my job, what if I lose my immigrant status, what if my parents fall ill etc. I just can't seem to catch a break.

If it makes you feel better, stability is always fickle and frankly a state of mind. The fact is anyone of us who needs a paycheck is always worried about being fired (which also translates into immigration), or who has a loved one is always worried about it. IMO the sooner you realize what makes life stable is your ability to roll with the punches, the easier it gets.

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When you say first generation desis why do you mean exactly? My understanding of first generation is the kids of Indian parents born in America, but I somehow feel you are talking about the ones who immigrated (born in India, living in the US).

Got it. I personally feel yes. But it’s 50-50, 50% “real” things like the structural barriers of immigration, and generally being in a different environment without a true network and homegrown understanding of culture. However the other 50 is self inflicted. The guilt, the superiority/inferiority complexes people have about their culture and experiences. The constant battle of happiness vs. expectations etc etc. Straddling two worlds is hard, but sometimes I feel we just make it harder on ourselves than necessary.

It depends on the immigrant generations tolerance for taking risks. - Once you get a green card the terror of deportation is largely gone - Once you've saved up to a million (or 2 ) financial security also goes way up - Parents - yeah that doesn't go away especially if they're in India and you're here - Spouses - I don't get the incomplete and unfulfilled nature to that aspect - tell me more what you meant by it

I think it is much harder when you have family and kids and are still on a non immigrant visa. I came here as a student and never felt any uncertainty because I was single and had no encumbrances or pressure. This allowed me to take risks and live a relatively stress free life.

Yep agreed, so I headed back where I feel I belong. So far having a good time and feel way more happy with my closed ones.

No, my partner is British. My parents / Indian friends travel around the world and visit once a year. I’ve also got close British and American friends. I love India so I am there twice a year too.

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