{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Do I have a drinking problem? I live alone. I cannot wait for wine at 6. I work my ass off sober 12 hrs a day. Then I drain 2 bottles of wine. I wake up parched and confused and do it again. I did not have Excedrin yesterday and had to shuffle to Rite Aid to get it. Plus a xanax to chill. But I WORK and produce and never let anyone down. Is this OK? I just work, drink, sleep, repeat.", "post_id": "62048c225105f30027ffdc5e", "reply_count": 175, "vote_count": 27, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Do I have a drinking problem? I live alone. I cannot wait for wine at 6. I work my ass off sober 12 hrs a day. Then I drain 2 bottles of wine. I wake up parched and confused and do it again. I did not have Excedrin yesterday and had to shuffle to Rite Aid to get it. Plus a xanax to chill. But I WORK and produce and never let anyone down. Is this OK? I just work, drink, sleep, repeat.

likefunnyuplifting
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OP, you sound like me when I was in a toxic relationship. I used to work hard everyday and put in long hours, but the second I would close my laptop I would down a bottle of wine. Every morning I would wake up and take an Advil and an adderall. Now on the outside you would’ve thought my life was perfect - great career, seemingly happy relationship, attractive, supportive family, lots of relative privilege, but I was masking the pain and depression I felt inside. Once I got out of that relationship, I realized so many things as I focused on self-reflection. I realized I was using wine as way to disguise my unhappiness and my loneliness in the relationship. I also realized that I needed to develop as a person outside of my job. I became very spiritual and started taking workshops and courses to learn more about the mind body connection and meditation. Now I don’t crave that nightly glass of wine. Instead I want to read a book after work (highly recommend the Big Leap) and go to sleep as early as possible. I’ll have a glass of wine when I’m at dinner with a friend or on a long haul flight, but I haven’t touched a single bottle in my wine fridge since I reframed my life to focus on my needs and my happiness and my growth.

likehelpfulsmart

Thank you so much 🙏🏼

like

I’m in a similar boat - single and live alone and wfh and not having others to interact with anymore on the regular has made me drink more than I’m comfortable admitting.

Absolutely happy to chat, similarly, I want to cut back significantly, but not totally cut alcohol.

I have anxiety and depression, and am currently awaiting an adhd eval - I think I use alcohol to self medicate as I tend to go on and off meds. I’ve started therapy recently via better health as well.

I also just started the sunny side app (formerly cut down coach) only on week 1 - so I can’t speak to it’s effectiveness, but I appreciate their approach, and that they support drinking less vs going to zero. They help you track your drinking - the same way certain weightloss apps help you count calories, which in itself is eye opening, and it’s a combination of real coaches and info to help you cutdown.

For me these things have made me feel like I’m on a better path and getting more control - admittedly, I’m only a couple weeks in, but it’s a place to start that hasn’t felt overwhelming.

Good luck - if you want to do this, you can make a change. It work be quick, and you won’t be perfect, but you can make a change for the better.

likeuplifting
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I think you’re asking because you know it’s not ☹️

likesmart

Take care OP! Hope you cheer up soon and sending positive thoughts!!

like

You have a drinking problem. Get help

likesmart

I shared in another bowl that i was 2 weeks sober… it meant the world to me becUse i was downing shots every single day in December… i was depressed because i was lonely. I think you have signs of alcoholism… but you can totally reverse it! My rule is i will not drink alcohol in my home… only out in social settings with friends in the weekends

likehelpfulsmart

Congrats on your two weeks. :)

like

Someone reacted to a comment on here just now and it made me want to pop in to share that I am 46 days alcohol free if I am counting correctly! Living sober is the best thing I’ve ever done for my physical and mental health. I did not know living like this was possible. My anxiety and depression are barely there, I have so much more time, and I participate in life so much more.

After this post I quit all together and got a therapist. She is helping me figure out who I am. I’m going on my first solo vacation tomorrow and it was a joy not to plan it around drinking or when I’d be hungover or able to do activities. The trip is chock full of outdoor activity!

Thank you ladies for taking the time and empathy to respond to me when I was at my lowest. I love this community 💜

likeuplifting

I had a little stress induced breakdown today- and this just made it all go away.
I am so happy for you!
Thank you for sharing your update.
Congrats to your growth, health, self discovery, and happiness!

likeuplifting

This sounds like an unhealthy and addictive set of behaviors. Producing and not letting others down isn’t the only measure for whether or not you have a problem. Are you keeping commitments to yourself? Are you making the choice to stay in and drink vs engage in other activities? Are you drinking to get drunk? Are you finding and using other ways to deal with stress or other challenges?

Proud of you for asking this question and starting to think about where you are - that’s step 1. I lost my dad to alcoholism when I was in high school. Take care of yourself, OP.

likeupliftinghelpful

I think your last sentence answers your initial Q.

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Day 10 of no wine! Thanks in large part to the encouragement here. 🙏🏼

likeuplifting

Congratulations OP! So proud of you. Seriously. 🙏🏼

like

Thanks all. I have an appointment this AM with my doctor to discuss my current medications (Zoloft, Xanax) and perhaps switching them up. I hear some newer antidepressants curb alcohol cravings. And I will also get a therapist referral.

like

Oh, oh, oh… talk with a doctor about this ASAP. Alcohol withdrawal can be so bad that you can have seizures strong enough to break your own neck. Talk with a substance abuse counselor ASAP. Find out how to detox safely. Cold turkey with alcohol is very dangerous and most people don’t know that. You may need to seek in patient rehab for it. Talk it through with a doctor, a substance abuse counselor, or your EAP, which can hook you up with people evenings or weekends. Don’t go this alone. My exH was an alcoholic. Alcohol withdraw is nothing to underestimate.

like

I went to brunch w my girlfriends and did not have a drink 🙌🏼💪🏼🙌🏼. And I told my brother I am coming over later to watch the Super Bowl but to please not offer me a drink because I will not be having one.

likeupliftinghelpful

Thank you! Met with a therapist today. This is hard so far but I feel much better generally.

likeuplifting

I saw that you responded to someone that you “are nothing”. It made me sad. You are everything! 💗. Be kind to yourself. You are accomplished, you are powerful, you are brave. Take this weekend to self reflect on the areas you would like to see improve and take small steps in that direction. You are worthy. You are not alone.

like

Seriously, this is how almost all consultants at one time or other have felt, myself included. Really, don’t compare, to anyone. Those married and with kids are not always leading the perfect life. Sure, you wish you made different choices earlier, it just means now you are in a stage of your life that you are ready for different things. At one point I had to seriously think about what are my passions and I thought I didn’t have any but over time, with reflection I rediscovered hobbies etc. As for friends and family, it’s quality over quantity, so treasure the every other weekend with family and organize something fun for you all to do, and on the other weekends, relax, self-care with mani-pedis, a new book, explore something new in your area ( coffee shop, new park, hike, cuisine). It’s just a small rut but it will pass and if it doesn’t feel free to DM me! Jon Kabat Zinn talks about mindfulness. All we have is this moment, this second. Focus on fulfilling yourself right now, don’t look forward or back for the time being and remember happiness and joy are our only true main goals, put yourself first, don’t look for someone else to make you happy, make that your #1 job. I know it’s easier said than done. Boredom comes from routine and too much work, break up your routine, shop in a different grocery store if you can’t think of anything else, learn a language. I go to the movies alone. Doing things alone is okay. Hugs.

upliftinglike

This sounds like depression. I was there. What helped me was hiring a personal trainer and focusing on getting active. Not for weight loss or physical image but for better headspace and overall health.

The trainer was for accountability because I wasn’t mentally strong enough to workout on my own. I worked out 3x week before work. Before work was key because I found that in knowing I had to workout I’d drink less the night before. Sometime I didn’t and I paid for it with a pounding headache.

During workout sessions my trainer and I would talk about life, work, etc and he was almost like a therapist in some ways. Over time everything got better. I was happier, healthier and drinking less. My trainer is now a good friend.

likeuplifting

This is such a great suggestion. I totally stopped working out and just cannot seem to get back to it on my own.

like

115 days sober 😍. Women are strong. We can do hard things, friends! I believe in you.

likeuplifting

Hell yea! You are so strong. Keep it up!! I am starting a month (at least) of no alcohol and caffeine today. Looking forward to sleeping better, feeling lighter, being more in control of what I put in my body, and getting my health in check.

likeuplifting

I think functional alcoholic is what it might be
A lot of these issues don't manifest how we might imagine.

I'm obviously no therapist but I imagine you have a bit of a compulsive personality so you meet your obligations but have this other compulsion as well.

I realize it isn't the same but I do struggle with binge eating which is essentially an addiction. I eat even when I'm full, when I don't want to eat, I just have to do it and obsess over it until it happens.
Is this a feeling you have too OP? What is it about drinking you love, do you actually like getting drunk, is it the drinks? Are you trying to forget something and block it out by engaging in this behaviour?

like

OP so you have had a healthy lifestyle on the past. You can do that now, in your own! Make a decision Clean up your life and you will be much more happy with yourself! Go back to running!

likeuplifting

Had a good talk w the doctor today and a good plan. Thanks ladies for supporting me last night 💜

likeuplifting

Are you sure your family and friends are experiencing you as you believe?

You say you’re a great aunt. Are you? Do you give your brother anxiety about whether the drunk or sober aunt will show up? Do you show up drunk or hungover and think no one notices?

Is it possible that, at work, instead of being impressed with your work your team may be irritated that you’re always exhausted, grumpy or medicated?

A lot of supposed “high functioning” alcohol abusers are living highly dysfunctional lives, alienating family and teams without realizing it.

This message may seem tough but, you don’t truly know how you’re being experienced by others.

-
Daughter of 1 recovering alcoholic and 1 active alcoholic.

like

In the words of my (now) wise dad, meetings are a great start. Even when one is not ready to stop drinking, or to talk about it. Like-minded people exploring options.
Even better when one can find a meeting with people of a similar-enough demographic.

like

You are a functioning alcoholic. My cousin’s ex husband ended up in a treatment facility for this, and he passed away a few years ago after leaving that facility.
He and my cousin would have the best time drinking together, having a blast. He was very successful at work. He hid the true extent of his dependency on alcohol from her. They have a now 10 year old daughter that he left behind.
It’s so sad. And I am using this as a cautionary tale. Please get help. As soon as you can. People love you. Sounds like you have wonderful family and friends to get healthy for. I really hope you get well soon.

like

Thank you 🙏🏼

like

Maybe get a puppy! Taking care of my boy made me realize his happiness is dependent on me! So I take more breaks throughout the day to walk, train, and play with him. I know it may sound silly, but his silly nature reminds me to enjoy life outside of work!

likeuplifting

I have no desire for a puppy!

OP, I think only you can tell whether you have a problem with drinking. The way I knew I had a problem was twofold - even if I didn’t want to drink (like would wake up in the morning intending not to drink), I would still crave a drink and would (most of the time) end up drinking. I could get through some dry spells where I wouldn’t drink, but I’d always obsess over alcohol. Additionally, once I started drinking (even just 1 glass of wine), I had a really hard time stopping that night.

I got sober young - I didn’t lose a house or a car, I wasn’t sleeping under a bridge. Problem drinkers and alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes. Feel free to DM me if you want to chat.

likehelpful

Thank you. I cannot not have a wine after work unless I’m hungover. And I can never stop at 1. 1 is too few and 999 is not enough.

Can I ever just have 2 drinks? I love the initial buzz but I cannot stop.

like

I’d look into going sober. A couple of my friends struggled with this and have now cut out alcohol completely. I don’t have an addictive personality / don’t drink a lot but they inspired me to even cut back. Read “This Naked Mind.”

like

My family is kind of messed up and I have ignored that for a long time. Maybe I need to deal w that too.

like

Therapy has helped me so much. I didn’t realize how much I was depending on alcohol to help me escape from being alone with my thoughts sober. I spiraled for a long time and for sure I believe this is some sort of high functioning dependency on alcoholism

You’ve got this!

likeuplifting

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