Do you ever feel like you’re just never going to experience real love or be that ‘special someone’ for somebody? I sometimes feel like I am defective in some way, because despite being in my early 30s, I have never felt particularly special to any guy I have been with- it’s always felt like I am the space filler until they meet the right person

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

To be honest, as an early 30s principal, you may be intimidating to the average guy. Use that to your advantage, don’t settle for a mediocre guy and find you a king.

like

You are not. I am sure you will meet the prince who treats you right. Sending you 🤗 and ❤️

likeuplifting

Have you been in long term relationships? If not, what do you think is getting in the way?

like

You should learn to love and accept yourself. A lot of people say they do but they actually don’t. When you love and accept yourself, you don’t view yourself as defective because you’re not in a passionate relationship. Take the time to learn more about yourself, what you want and need, and your insecurities and strengths. When you’re the best version of yourself, you’ll attract and only want to be in healthy relationships where you’re valued.

likehelpful

I am sorry you feel this way! How would you describe the guys you have been with?

like

Feel the same!

like

I have been in long term relationships, 2 to be exact:

1. During my university years. I realise now it was a really toxic relationship. He pursued me, then after sleeping with me, said he didn’t find me attractive because he had seen me in the morning once and thought I looked awful. He then strung me along for a year. Then I put my foot down, ended it. He came running back and we stayed together (properly) for 3 years. I ended up breaking up with him because the initial damage he did just never left my memory- I felt like I was punishing him for the rest of the relationship. He proposed to me at one point and I point blank said - absolutely not, never.

2. A relationship with a very kind man for 6 years from the age of 25. We broke up a year ago. I started dating him after I had been single for 2 years. He was the first person that felt like he wouldn’t hurt me, and he didn’t, but it didn’t ever feel like real love. It felt like settling- and I always knew that he felt that way too.

I think one of the most formative experience I have had is between relationships 1 and 2. I met a guy at work, and it’s the only time I can truly say I experience love/ lust at first sight. We were friends at first, then we started dating. I was so incredibly happy. Then he told me he his ex was coming back from a secondment in Singapore, that they had only really been on a break, and that he couldn’t really bring himself to totally end it. So he broke up with me. They got engaged 6 months later (they had previously been together for 6 years). To this day, I still feel some sadness about it. We didn’t speak again after he broke up with me, but from what I heard along the way he seems very happy.

like

I really don’t think think it was about lust in the end. We were together for 5 months, I didn’t know about his ex until 3 weeks before he broke things off. I knew he had an ex ofcourse, but not in that situation.

I think the fact it has stayed with me is because I was genuinely happy, in a way I hadn’t felt before or since in a relationship (and it’s been a very long time). I have obviously moved on with my life, and I really wouldn’t want to be with him anymore, it’s just that he just did so much damage and I don’t know how to rewind that. I don’t think he did it intentionally, it’s just a by-product I suppos.

I know why are you saying what you are saying about my last relationship- it’s why I stayed so long. But you can’t force love- you can’t convince yourself that something exists when it doesn’t. Trust me, I tried…

https://thoughtcatalog.com/bianca-sparacino/2019/04/maybe-right-now-your-journey-isnt-about-love/ . I read this article the other day OP. Really helpful

like

Meh. I might just have been with the wrong people. I think the whole "there's one special person out there for you" story is oversold in the west. Our personalities change so much in our lifetimes I think it is unreasonable to assume only one person is your soulmate/ultimate match. We get our fulfillment from so many places. I have work best friends who (in the moment) have understood me more than any S.O. The same goes for other aspects in my life.

I suppose I tend to end up with men who initially I am not interested in, I will give them a chance, and then the tables turn and they start to really take advantage of me. I feel quite emotionally damaged from these experiences.

When I have met people I like, I almost feel like they would never want me, and even if they do at the beginning, it will inevitably end in one awful way or the other.

I just feel sort of broken inside. I am so happy at work, with my friends and family. Sometimes I wonder if that’s just my destiny- I am so blessed in other areas, maybe romantic love is just not in my future.

It is a good thing to worry, so you can do your due diligence to chose the right therapy and therapist for you, I suggest you watch Matthias Barker on how to chose a good therapist and Kati Morton on which type of therapy is right for you! Be demanding and courageous and you won’t regret it! I wish you the best!

Related Posts

How is the wlb lighthouse. I am working working longer weekdays but I am reserving time for family during weekend

like

Anybody here that few up in household where mom or dad had an affair? How did it affect your romantic relationships/beliefs/outcomes in adulthood?

like

My younger brother likes a girl from his college but will not tell her or go out with her. He won’t tell us why but we suspect it’s because the girl, although very pretty, isn’t as ‘slim’ as a conventionally good looking person. We also suspect his guy friends don’t consider the girl to be a great catch (!). We can tell he is struggling with this but not sure what to do. Has this ever happened to you? How can I help my brother break out of this? Any advice?

like

I’m in IB, my wife is a lawyer. I honestly feel like our daughter knows our nanny better than she knows us.

like

Did anyone see those big bucket of tears from Jihoon, and Devan’s response? Devan needs to go back home with her mom and leave Jihoon with his mom.

like

Has anyone found roles in Big 4 or industry that allowed more work life balance when their kids were young without damaging future career trajectory? I'm a partner with young kids and feel like I'm missing out on too much of their lives. Wishful, but my dream job would have a lighter workload in terms of time and pressure for the next ~5 years, but not set me back too much (or at all) when the kids are older and tired of me in a few years and I'm ready to be back at work full force.

like

Do people have relationship check-ins with significant others? How soon is too soon to mention the future? (Context: 31F, dating 5 months exclusively, BF likely moving for job in 8 months).

like

Dads with older children: while raising your children, did your children prefer their moms over you? I know some will prefer dads over moms, but I assume majority of children out there will prefer their moms over dads… I have one child and it kinda hurts to see my child always preferring the mom over me. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I just do. How did you cope with such issue raising your children?

like

My son wants to study the same as me, he is only 12 years old, but he has an immense love for biology. In spite of how flattered I feel I can't stop thinking how difficult it is to find a stable job in this profession, is it time to talk about it, or do I wait for a little longer?

likeupliftinghelpful

A majority of society tends to stick around to things because they are influenced by "enough" people doing something similar. Hence, they start living someone else's life instead of theirs.

Think about what you want for yourself, what's important, what you value. Then, ask yourself. Do I have these things? Am I living by the things that are important to me?

IG: Burnoutcoachcarlo

Post Photo
like

Do you guys ever feel like you're 'too Asian' in the workplace but 'not Asian enough' when it comes to family/friends? My morals are rooted in Asian traditions, but can't speak my native language well

like

What's the best way to manage family life and raising children while being a veterinarian?

like

I don’t want kids - never wanted them. My husband has been well aware of this (dated 9 years before getting married). We had a conversation before we got married where I told him that it is likely I will never change my mind and he needed to decide if this is what he wanted. Yesterday he said it would always be “my way or the highway” when it came to kids and that he wanted to be part of something bigger than himself. I feel like he won’t feel fulfilled in life being married to me due to this.

like

I love watching my 3-year-old's engineering hacks... he wanted to pet the cat so he built a fort out of pillows and waited, now the cat's purring on his lap and they're both asleep

likehelpful

Over a week ago my long distance (ex)bf (US) and I (NL) broke up. I was ready to move to US for him and get married; he’d never want to move to NL. I couldn’t accept that: I needed to know it could still be an option to live in NL in the future, if that became necessary due to my family situation. He ruled it out because pay is lower here, though we’d still be super comfortable financially (top 1-5%). Is money the key driver in such decisions, even in consulting? Did I do right by breaking up?

like

Anyone co-parenting in different states? Looking for insight on visitation, general feelings, and how the child/children are doing. Thank you!

Help me understand if my husband is acting cheap. I was making a call for a pickup order at a Mediterranean place. My husband asked me to let them know that they packed less rice last time and call it out. He is a light eater and says the falafel plate did not fill him up. The lady who took the order was very sweet but quickly turned rude when I mentioned about the rice quantity (my husband was next to me pushing me to say it).

like

Tips to maintain an Islam friendly work life balance in consulting? Are most of your friends consultants? I’m 24 and it’s always so hard to make plans with friends/attend events after work on weekdays

I have been in my position for 27 years and have never seen such a state of affairs as I have this year (but then, with the pandemic, who has, right?) Well, long story short, we've gone hybrid (some in person, some online). The teacher has been out with surgeries and covid. I have been teaching both groups at the same time. Sometimes a sub for help, sometimes not. I love the kids, but really?

How do people make friends in Boston? I haven’t made friends here since college... not sure if I should be trying to expand my network.

like

More Posts

Hi fellow PA fish! What experience do you think you gain out of PA vs industry?

like

Looking for referrals in Private Client Services/ High net worth individuals. Remote would be awesome.

like

Hey everyone,
Is there any portal for IBM ex-employee where they can raise their concern or requests?

like

Has anyone here experienced new or worsening anxiety as a result of hormonal changes? I’m having more general anxiety, but also terrible rebound anxiety from alcohol as I get older.

like

@EY provide 30 Leave in a year
All 30 are carry forward or earned or causal?

I

like

How was your May? Got bitched at today for *only* billing 205.

likefunny

Any idea if the new iWatch 8 GPS + Cellular works in India? I have an old iWatch from us that doesnt have the cellular frequency that is used in india

like

I really wanna work with/consult for biotech startups ☹️ Struggling to make the right connections and making people want to want me. Infact struggling to find those startups at all. What to do?

like

Anyone have an idea of total compensation for finance and strategy at Stripe?

likehelpful

Morning! Today 6pm onward, we'll aim to meet to the left of the inside bar at Mr. Purple (180 Orchard Street, Manhattan) on the 15th floor for the second bi-weekly Advertising Industry Happy Hour …

Hello Fishes, Can you please help.

Post Photo
like
like

I recently joined Accenture(lvl 12). I am 2 months in a support project now. How do I get good and get my work noticed?

like

Hi,

Need referral for below position.

Post Photo
like

I joined in September..will I get the variable pay??

This is how we flirt 😉

Post Photo
likefunnyuplifting

Can we get a Big Law tech sound off? We're still working on Windows 8 (from 2012) over here, and all of the add-ons and plug-ins and whatever make logging in and starting the day a 20 minutes ordeal.

likefunny

My doj in EY GDS in June first week, as of now no update. When can i expect the on boarding mail .

like

What is full form of QRMTE?

like

Additional Posts in Relationships

Over a week ago my long distance (ex)bf (US) and I (NL) broke up. I was ready to move to US for him and get married; he’d never want to move to NL. I couldn’t accept that: I needed to know it could still be an option to live in NL in the future, if that became necessary due to my family situation. He ruled it out because pay is lower here, though we’d still be super comfortable financially (top 1-5%). Is money the key driver in such decisions, even in consulting? Did I do right by breaking up?

like

Hey everyone, looking for advice. Thinking about taking the next step in my relationship 🙂. Thinking about buying a ring. Thoughts on lab grown vs earth diamonds and places to buy in DC. TIA!

like

For those of you who are married, how much did you spend on your wedding and was it worth it? Looking back, what are the things you realized didn’t matter / wasn’t worth the spend?

like

What's the best relationship advice you've heard recently?

like

At this moment, I am almost depressed. I am in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now. In the past 2 years, we have fought more than we have lived days with peace. We both have high ego problems because of which it’s really hard to resolve a conflict. Things have recently escalated to calling names/swearing and even physically abuse from both sides. We both want to end the relationship, have tried so many times, but we cannot.

Cont. in comments.

like

Should I gift a guy if he’s never gifted me before?

like

Poll: are you the type of person who keeps a strong relationship with your friends in a relationship, or tends to become MIA and devote most of your time to your SO? No judgements here!

like

Is this group still popping or??

like

Does it mean anything if a man responds and texts w too many emojis

likefunny

Breakup etiquette- we broke up and I was supposed to go to his relatives’s wedding in a couple of weeks. I know the couple, not super well, but have hung out and texted individually as well. Should I let them know I won’t be attending and wish them well or don’t reach out to them?

like

What's gaslighting? Any experiences ?

like

How to constructively talk about the long term future with SO? We (both 26) have been together 6 years with the last 3 as LDR. We are supposed to be moving in together over the summer, but given she is moving across state lines I don’t think this should be a light decision. It’s reaching the point that if we don’t move in I don’t think we should continue dating and I also don’t want her to move in without talking in detail about core relationship topics (marriage, finances, etc).

like

Moving in with someone after 2 months of dating wish me luck!

likefunny