Do you get yelled at at work? How do you react/respond? Is being talked to sternly the same thing?

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I've been yelled at before by partners and opposing counsel. With Partners I've told them I don't respond to yelling and if they are offering criticism-- yelling isn't the way to do it. With Opposing Counsel, I always calmly tell them the same that if they don't calm down I will walk away / hang up the phone. If they continue to proceed to yell, i do just that. I don't have time for childish games, we are all adults here. I find that Opposing Counsel especially SWM tend to use yelling as an intimidation tactic. It's a game I won't be a part of. I will only engage when they've calmed down.

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I like to say “Sir, please calm down, I can’t make any sense of your emotions.”

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I had a boss that would yell at me pretty regularly. Depending on why he was yelling I’d say “do you feel better now?” Or, “why are you getting so emotional?” Other times I would ignore it and move on to the points I needed to discuss with him. His yelling didn’t bother me nearly as much as other partners condescending or passive aggressive comments.

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Associate 9 - Well, that explains a lot. Yes, I grew up with (alcoholic) parents that yelled - a lot. I’ve been in therapy for years and never has that connection came up. It makes sense though.

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My former boss yelled at me and he would also talk to me sternly using lots of colorful language. I quit.

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Same

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I used to instantly apologize but now I don’t anymore because I personally don’t think people who yell are owed one

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I haven’t been yelled at but I’ve been sternly talked to in demeaning and unnecessary ways from a partner who has said that they like to “try to figure out what associates respond to.” That is not the way. I’m in the process of looking at other firms.

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I don’t think being talked to sternly is the same thing. I’ve never been yelled at at work at 2 different firms and if I was I would change firms

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I’ve been yelled at once. I just stayed calm and responded by saying “…okay. Well, you never communicated that to me.” Someone yelling at me says more about them than me.

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Had that happen to me when I was working as a young attorney at a small litigation law firm. Left it within a month and now found the most amazing job. Just know you don’t deserve to be treated badly (yelled at, shouted at or folks being mean) even if you make mistakes. You need to find a place where you’re respected.

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I would leave the room and then look for another job immediately if I was yelled at. We are adults in a professional environment. I will never tolerate someone screaming at me. Screaming is childish, unprofessional, and has no place in the workplace. I haven’t been talked to sternly yet, but I am only seven months into my career (graduated May 2020).

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I was screamed at once. I have since refused to work for that partner again. I felt it was risky at the time I made that decision, but I’ve been busy ever since without his work and I felt strongly enough about it I was willing to leave the firm if my no wasn’t respected. Yelling isn’t ok. Stern talkings to are a different matter though. If you’ve fucked up expect to be scolded. It happens and if you have done something major you need to be told about it.

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I'd provide the shit I've been told but it's too word specific and my boss has mentioned FB numerous times. But I'll be gone soon so when that happens, I'll gladly share the crap he dishes out on a daily.

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Yes yes please share when time comes need a laugh at how cray some of these folks are!

We just get passive aggressive digs in emails. All being foldered for the day I blow up back.

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Channel all of our rage when that day comes. We will be with you in spirit

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I think if it happened now I would either hand up the phone (lol) or walk away

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I was sternly told to “use my brain”. I’m looking for a new job.

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Not only have I been yelled at, but I was told I could be yelled at (i.e., it’s OK) because I was a shareholder. NO! It’s not OK. My parents and I did not sacrifice and work hard for me to make the achievements that I have made in order for someone to yell at me at work. My parents didn’t yell at me and I’m telling you now— I will not tolerate my colleagues yelling at me and neither should anyone else. We deserve to be respected at home and at work. What did I do? I complained, all went to Hell and I left. I started my own firm with a few colleagues who shared my same values. And it’s not over yet. I am working to bring civility back to the profession. You will hear more from me as I gain traction on this initiative.

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Nope not normal. Run for the hills

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To what extent speaking feverishly constitutes yelling? Genuine question.

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Yes, all of the attorneys in my practice group get yelled at by the head partner. It just depends who is in the hot seat for the day. Unsurprisingly, turnover is insane and everyone is overloaded.

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A specific partner at my firm yells at everyone constantly. When he’s angry he curses too. Taking a pause and staring at him after he’s done yelling without saying a word or yelling back are the most effective tools to manage the situation.

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I think they knew better than to throw anything at me, but a friend had a 3" binder thrown at her. I probably would have hurled it back. Another person once came by to yell at me for something someone else did. I purchased a stuffed animal puppy and kept it in my desk drawer to present as an alternate victim if there was ever another need to kick a puppy. When I left, I left the stuffed puppy with an associate who "needed" it as a defense. I have been yelled at for using yellow paper to separate binder sections. Yellow is clearly terrible.

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