{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Do you see people from other race care about their parents as much when their parents get old? Asia in generally seems to a strong culture of taking care of parents when they get old. Do you observe this much for people outside of Asia as well? (I just see that they don’t meet their parents as much as we do)", "post_id": "61e64eb8335ed4002f4a422a", "reply_count": 16, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5a898b0457e95c001826dcad", "bowl_name": "Asians in Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Do you see people from other race care about their parents as much when their parents get old? Asia in generally seems to a strong culture of taking care of parents when they get old. Do you observe this much for people outside of Asia as well? (I just see that they don’t meet their parents as much as we do)

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No, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. My parents care for my grandparents (which I love), but sometimes I wish they would let them be more independent. My parents will do everything for them like make food for them, set the table for them, serve them food, get groceries for them, etc. In their mind, they’re being respectful for my grandparents by not letting them do chores. But I feel like it’s important for older people to be active. I see white grandparents be super active and live their life (by going on trips, joining social clubs, shopping, etc) and wish my grandparents would do the same.

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Intergenerational family life is the norm for Asians, Hispanics/Latinos, and Black people. I think it’s just white people who don’t take care of their parents and grandparents.

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Besides wealth, another important (and correlated) factor is the design of social safety nets and elder care. In Japan, for example, where there is a very well designed elderly care system, children don’t necessarily have their parents cohabitate with them. My hypothesis is that people across the world “care for” their parents to similar extent, but “take care of” their parents to different extents depending on how much the government helps out

Asian here and I don't have a good relationship with my parents. So it annoys me when other family member or friends of the family tell me I have to take care and respect them because they are my parents... Lady, were you raised by them? Who are you to tell me who I should respect? ... I find it toxic to expect anything from anyone just because you decided you wanted them to exist. Like... "You need to take care of your parents cause they did that for you". Ok, I get that. But at the same time, that was the bare minimum they needed to so if they wanted to have kids... imagine resenting your dog for not appreciating the fact that you feed, walk and take care of them. Makes no sense

smarthelpful

It is weird logic. "I chose to create you, so you need to pay me back for being born"??

Honestly, taking care of my parents when they get older stresses me TF out. I don’t have a great relationship with them, but feel obligated to help them in their senior years…if it were just money, it would be fine, but it’s not. As an only child to parents who are horrible together and to me, I feel a sense of relief escaping from the triangulation and codependency that happened through my childhood and well into my early 30’s. There was a lot of toxic and heavy behavior, it was very unhealthy…but they also have no one here in the US and so I feel obligated to help them as they grow old. And honestly? I hate it. I hate the stress and the pressure for a role I never asked for. I understand what they gave up and sacrificed, but as a child—I didn’t have a vote there…as an adult, I feel dread knowing they will one day reintroduce daily toxic behavior into my life when they move to be near me again. When I grow old, I’ve started setting up long term care insurance so my child doesn’t need to do more than visit me. I never want to be an emotional or financial burden, and if I do my job correctly as a parent—he will hopefully want to visit me bc of the bond we have, and not out of forced obligation. I’ve been to therapy so often throughout my adulthood bc of my parents and their actions, and am very stressed when I think of my obligations. I would never abandon them, but I wish this weren’t expected in our culture.

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Feels like I could have written this myself. You are not alone

My Cuban friends do

Indian M - I cannot wait for my family line to buy the farm 🤷🏽‍♂️ want the bad to die with them ideally

Some Hispanic folks do … but I guess we do the most on average Also I’ve seen many cases where the kids are … let’s just say really screwed up and only to ruin their parents lives

My partner is Russian and his family has a very strong culture of taking care of your elders. His parents are extremely attentive to their parents and he is to all his grandparents, which includes daily calls etc

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