Do you tell your friends and family every time you try to get sober? This is my third try, and at this point I'm not telling anyone because I'm afraid of either disappointing them, or seeing that they don't believe in my ability to do it on their face. Just in an emotionally fragile place right now and would rather try and move in silence this time. Good idea, bad idea? Trying not to look at it is as shame, more just wanting my privacy.

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My experience was that lack of accountability made it that much easier to fall back into my old ways. Accountability alone will by no means keep you sober, but I found it to be a benefit. Those that care about you will be disappointed in your alcoholic behavior whether or not you tell them that you are trying not be that way. You're not saving anyone's feelings by not telling them.

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This is a pretty good point. thanks

I didn’t tell them till I hit a month. And until it felt like I was doing it to hold myself accountable when they’d offer me drinks. I get that feeling. Just be radically honest with yourself when it gets to the point that you’re not telling them to leave the door open to drink with them. But I relate to not telling them…just make sure you’re talking to someone! Be it a therapist or someone in aa

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It is okay to want your privacy. Many addicts in a bad place can never admit they have a problem and that's the first hurdle family has to overcome --- plenty of 30+ years addicts in my family that still cannot admit their issues. You're not that. You know and admit your struggles, and recognize you've had setbacks. Your loved ones should respect and support that.

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This is a deeply personal question. I've seen a lot of people relapse, then wait til they get a month or two back under their belts before "coming clean" about it at a meeting. This disease is fueled by shame... it wants us to feel like nothing, wants us to believe we will never get it, that our friends and family think we're jokes. I would weigh the cost/benefit of telling your immediate family and prioritize whatever decision helps you stay sober. You have to be 100% selfish about this one thing, because without it, you will have very little to give others or yourself. As you accrue more time, you will start to love being sober, and you'll want to share it with lots of people (stay cautious). But for now, whatever you need to do to stay sober. Go to meetings, Get a sponsor, and do whatever they tell you to do. It's a tough behavior modification for high-achievers, but it's necessary in order to get yourself back. You *can* do this - stay strong.

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I haven't told anyone. This is my first attempt but most of my friends are from work and it doesn't feel safe/smart to tell them. Whether I trust them or not, my personal health is my business not my coworkers. I told my brother and my therapist and that's it. I think it's fine

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Lol I was living with my daughter for my first year btw, and she and her extended family were very good about this, I am about to celebrate three years this Christmas

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Let your actions do the talking.

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Are you doing this for you or someone other than you? In other words, are you trying to please others? Pleasing others is not going to allow you success in this journey. Do it for yourself, your life, your future, your mental health. There is a reason for the second ‘A’. Anonymity is the core foundation and it is no one else’s business until you decide that it is to be known. Dig in and find what is pushing you to abuse substances. The journey is hard but worth it. It is for me. I am an alcoholic and no one knew except my wife and fellows in the program for a long time. Now I am not anonymous so I can be a beacon for those suffering. That was my choice. I relapsed once and it lasted 14 years and at the end it got dark. If I ever went back I would die. For this I am sure. You can do it. you’re not alone.

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OP - I first started this journey when I was an analyst. Talk about working multiple full time jobs. Feel free to DM me if you want to chat. It can be a super lonely place.

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Thank you, I really appreciate this input.

No need to tell anyone. This is hard... especially if you're anything like me

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You have to really want sobriety as you know, so remind yourself what you’re doing and why, everyday. Others will observe the results of your sobriety. That’s the best way to “tell” them.

Glad you’re trying sobriety again. {with compassion and care} Do something different this time. :)

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You don’t have to disclose anything you are not comfortable sharing including family and btw congratulations on your new journey!!!! 🙌

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