{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Do you think it’s reasonable for my mom to want me to send her 1k a month when she makes 300k+ a year? (She paid for everything until I finished grad school).", "post_id": "5d59ad850f509600285913fe", "reply_count": 185, "vote_count": 17, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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Do you think it’s reasonable for my mom to want me to send her 1k a month when she makes 300k+ a year? (She paid for everything until I finished grad school).

funnylike
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This is inherently a cultural thing. The important thing is to have a convo with your mom about this and understand her thoughts. I’ve been giving my mom money since I graduated but in the beginning we actually had a fight about it. I had always planned to do it but once I graduated she actually asked and that pissed me off. In the beginning it was all about my duty as a son. She has needs and I was worried she would take the money and gamble it away. So I setup a bank account and gave her the atm card and that way I could monitor the spending. She was good with this. In the beginning she took out money monthly like clockwork. Then, as her needs decreased she just let the account build up. There’s around 100k in the account now and she often tells me that it’ll all just go back to me when she passes as she doesn’t think she’d need to spend it all and she has no inheritance for me. I remember think how unreasonable it was when I was younger but knowing her intentions was the important part. As someone else said, maybe she is wants to help you start saving. If her goal is payback because she paid for all your living and schooling then it should be a set amount payback with a deadline and not a indefinite payment. Either way have a convo and don’t stress about the fairness of it

likehelpfulsmartuplifting

Holy shit. Clearly she is good with money. That was very kind of her to pay for all of that, but I can see what others are saying it’s a bit interesting what she is asking you for (what was her tone when she asked? Did she give a reason?)

My parents didn’t give me a dime throughout college. They did take a 10k loan that was used towards my education, and I took out 40k of loans, I paid all of that off as soon as I was able. My parents lost their business, their home, and have no retirement plan or savings. They live in a house I bought for them to live in now. I don’t give them any money directly, but I pay for the mortgage on the home they live in (obviously), the bills, and their medical expenses (they are on social security and only get $1400 per month so making ends meet is difficult for them).

I think you have two options, you could either just give her the money directly (seems she is good with money), or put it into some kind of asset that is in her name (a property? A high interest bank account?) something you both agree on. So it’s accruing value at least.

Let us know what you decide, OP!

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No.

likefunnyuplifting

I agree with the “no” response. It answered the question given the full context.

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Tell her to vote for Andrew Yang in 2020 and she'll get 1k every month

likefunnysmartupliftinghelpful

MATH

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Yes

likefunny

Ooh, one vote for each. Sitting on the edge of my seat to see who wins out

likefunny

This made chuckle

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Communicate! Please ask your mother why? Asking a bunch of internet strangers who have no context is likely not going to get you anywhere healthy.

likefunnysmart

Is she going thru bankruptcy? Why would she need money from her child when she makes that much?

like

I think it’s reasonable for YOU to WANT to send your mom money every month...but find it quite odd she’s making the request. For the record, I financially support my mom but it’s my own choice and she doesn’t expect a dime. Without getting too personal, why do you think she’s wanting money from you if she’s fully self-sufficient?

likesmarthelpful

OP, majority of responses most likely came from non-Asians. As first generation asian I want to put it out there that this is a deeply cultural matter. Given how much she has done for you it is 100% reasonable for her to ask, and I’m almost certain she will be very smart with the money. Why? Because she wouldn’t have all the money for your college and grad school if she hadn’t been smart with money for her life. Asian parents sacrifice too much for their kids and it’s very sad to see their Americanized kids take those for granted and wouldn’t do the least for them to show appreciation.

likehelpful

Agree with E6!!!

I’ve got young adult kids. I know what I would do with the money. Suspect your mom will do the same.
Give your mom, who gave you your whole life, the money. If she’s asking, there’s a good reason

likesmarthelpful

I don’t have kids and agree with you. If my mom would ask for the moon, I’d find a way to get it for her. No questions asked!

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She paid for everything including grad school, I’m financially independent, have no loans because of her efforts, and a management consultant, and I’m wondering if I should nickel and dime my Mom over a grand a month, which is peanuts relative to what I would pay back in undergrad and graduate loans. Which I wouldn’t question paying to Navient or Sofi.
What kind of Asian kid are you?

likeupliftingsmartfunny

300k doesn’t mean the mother is rich. Think about all the expenditures to support a child FULLY through college and grad school which means she probably wasn’t contributing as much to retirement funds.

Also, sounds like mother was working a tough job and may want to step back now and retire.

I’m Asian and even I think this shit is ridiculous. What is her financial situation in terms of expenses and savings? Any major ongoing drains?

likehelpful

Well the kid isn’t a major drain anymore now that OP’s graduated. Unless OP lives at home. Then it’s called “rent"

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Curious what she wants the money for. Is it possible she is concerned you won’t save enough and will put it away for you? Or is she in financial straights and needs some temp help? Is this cultural?

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I would first like to first understand how did we end up in this situation? Can you share more context?

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Just. Do. It. Be thankful for the position and your parents were able to fund you and raise you right. Eventually it will go back to you. Can’t believe people here are saying not to give your own mom 12k a year. Those people suck.

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Not everyone had financial help or great childhoods. So raised right is debatable.

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Super confused - did she tell you it was a loan at the time? If so then yeah pay her back. If not ask her why she needs it

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It doesn’t matter how much she makes. She paid for everything raising you this whole time. She has the right to request the money. If you wanna be calculative about it, do the math and figure out how you owe her end to end and stop when you done paying your dues. Asian Americans these days...

likefunny

EY10...... a parents job is to pay for everything?! This is what entitlement feels like, eh?

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Maybe. What was the cost of education that she paid for? Maybe she’s thinking of that as an interest free loan. Many people don’t get any support from families for education.

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But if that’s the case (interest free loan), that’s something that should’ve been put on the table at the beginning. Not waiting until their child is fully self/sufficient and now wants a piece of the pie. That’s just greedy as hell.

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People like to be paid back, sure. But seems petty when she’s making that much money.

If I made that much and wasn’t in some sort of financial situation where I needed more cash flow, I’d just be happy I was able to provide the education for my child to set them up for their own future success. And them paying me $1000 per month doesn’t help them, or me either considering my income

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If anybody else who paid for your everything asked for this, would you say no? If not, why does it make a difference that it’s your mom asking? I agree understanding the circumstances is good, but ultimately why are you ok with taking from her but not giving back?

likehelpful

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