Does any other girl feel my struggle of maintaining friendships with guys cuz you don’t want to get hit on? I’m in late twenties, and in college years, most of my good friends were guys that didn’t expect anything else but friendship from me. But now I’m struggling to maintain friendships with guy coworkers because they constantly ask for a coffee or lunch/dinner date. Is it cuz I’m friendly? I can tell they want more from me. How do I navigate this? I still want guy friends. 🥺

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YES, you should definitely be able to have friends who are men who will not hit on you. You need to establish boundaries, and the other party needs to accept those boundaries.

But a positive platonic relationship can be very healthy to your overall well-being.

My take is that many men simply don’t understand how to do this today, to their detriment.

likehelpfulfunny

Yes OP

helpful

Tell them about other guys lol

funny

Haha maybe that’s the way to go lol one time a coworker from internship asked me out for lunch and I invited the whole team 🤣 ever since he hasn’t asked me out again

likefunny

I find it a bit hard to believe that all of your male coworkers secretly want to date you. Also, it's not because you're friendly. Lots of women are friendly. It's most likely because of your looks. Can't tell if this a humble brag or you work at Sterling Cooper lol How can you tell they want more?

likesmart

You just know? Based on what? Idk your comment about being eyecandy was pretty humble braggy. Like this is what it sounds like:
"Does anyone else relate to how hard it is being an attractive woman at work?😔 Every man wants to take me out on a date. I get asked out so many times it's hard to get things done. 🤯I want to be taken seriously and not just be the hottest girl in the office. What should I do? Oh I should just tell them no and that I want to be friends? 🥺"

I've met other conventionally attractive girls who talk like this and it doesn't really inspire anyone to respect them. Assuming that everyone wants to date you is a distraction that you're creating for yourself. It also might come back to bite you so be careful with that. Just be professional and keep it moving. There are other attractive women who would never pay this any mind, so why do you? Put it in your rearview mirror. Being attractive still affords you privilege, so complaining about it and asking for common sense advice feels a bit off-key.

smart

Have a gay bff lol

funny

Attend LGBTQ seminars in the workplace

helpful

If this is happening repeatedly with multiple male coworkers in the same company, you have a toxic and misogynistic workplace. Go work somewhere else. This is not normal.

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We all worked at the same company but different departments. I left the company because the boss was causing me mental health issues. But I am even afraid to be personable with any guy I work with at the new company because I am now a manager and I want to be looked with respect rather than a “cute” girl that is an eye candy for them 😩

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Ask the offending parties out together and then talk about other guys at the office you're interested in the whole time. Power move.

funny

Sorry, not to make light of this. Seems like a tough situation women face. Wishing you a better office social dynamic!

uplifting

Your coworkers constantly ask you out? Sheesh.

Why do you think this is different from college? How'd you form the friendships in college, is that an environment you could recreate now?

I barely worked with guys until I got this job I just started. Out of a handful of coworkers I had from two previous jobs, 3 or 4 of them asked me out via teams IM, fb messenger, and even LinkedIn? 😱 did I give them the wrong impression?
I honestly don’t know what’s different now. I had a group of guy friends that always got my back in college and even on the worst days out where I had a bit too much to drink, they took care of me and never took advantage of me. My friends are now in other states and even other countries. I am just feeling nostalgic.

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Is it feasible to just lie and say you have a bf?

I have lied to guys that I met outside of work but I feel like I will be interacting with guys at work for quite a while that I don’t think I will be able to make up weekend plans with my “bf” for a period of time you know?

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I would say to act dense until it’s very direct, and then let them down firmly. Men and women naturally develop a level of comfort with each when they have regular interactions. Completely reasonable for the feeling of friendly attraction to be misunderstood by either party. The thing that differentiates people is whether they are able to course correct or toss those feelings aside.

I’ve had divorced partners, married peers, and single associates misinterpret my friendly personality over the years. It’s inevitable to a certain extent. 🤷🏽‍♂️

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